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Old 08-30-2013, 09:37 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,637,003 times
Reputation: 2047

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Hi all my dear friends,

Someone marked they liked my post that I posted a year ago, right after my husband passed away. Wow, reading it scared me. I was not in a good place that is for sure.

Fast forward. So many changes took place on all levels over the past fourteen months. At first, I felt I wasn't going to make it without my husband, his loss devastated me but over months realized he wasn't coming back. I think of my life, as sticking my toe In a pool of cold water, once my toe becomes use to the cold water I submerge my foot into the cold water until it feels comfortable, so on and so forth. Life is worth living but right now I am existing and taking one day at a time. I am not happy but I am okay with that.

I have had much time to discover about myself. I am alone in this world with no family and no nearby friends. I am independent and strong. I do not live my life to please others so they will like me. That really felt like chasing my tail. I am lonely but not desperate if that makes sense. I am mostly a loner. I march to the beat of my own drum. People don't make me happy, I make myself happy.

I will never be the same person I use to be, that is for sure. I see life clearly now and not through rose colored glasses.

The grief is less, I am not as sad and I am more optimistic and I like to focus being positive.


I don't believe there is one size fits all, I just muddle through life nowadays.

Keep on!!

Smilin
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Old 08-31-2013, 01:01 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,739,165 times
Reputation: 7078
Smilin~~You're sounding so much better than a year ago! A lot of us were pretty worried about you. I'm soooo glad you're optomistic and positive. Cheering for you!!

I'm coming up on 4 years October 26th, and I can say that I'm much like you. I'm independent and strong, I'm lonely and alone, but it's okay. I am also a loner, and the only family anywhere near me is my youngest son. My other three are scattered around the country. I have no other living relatives other than a couple of cousins back east and an aunt and uncle in their late 80's in Pennsylvania, and I rarely talk to any of them. We weren't that close growing up. Other than my son calling me, I'll go days without seeing or talking to another person. My mail is in a community block of boxes about two blocks away, so I often go two or three days without picking it up, meaning I don't leave the house.

That will change in the next six weeks or so as the snowbirds start trickling back down here. There will be more people around, more social activities as the Book Club gears up again, and monthly socials by the pool begin. Work will pick up, too, so I'll become more social until next April. Meantime, my son and I are taking a trip to Colorado next week as my oldest daughter and her family will be in Denver for her dh's 20th reunion at the US Air Force Academy. We'll take that time to finally scatter my dh's ashes in the forest next to our old house with my sister-in-law and her husband. My middle two children opted not to come out to Denver.....

Even after all this time, I'm still just muddling, too.
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Old 08-31-2013, 08:45 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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Smilin', thanks so much for posting. Like Marcy said, I was pretty darned worried about you in your beginning stages. "Lonely but not desperate", pretty much says it for me too. "You've come a long way, Baby"! I feel so happy for and so proud of you! Really.

(((HUGS)))
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Old 08-31-2013, 07:45 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,637,003 times
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Thank you both. Wow, I thank you for your concern. I had no idea how I sounded until someone "liked" my very first post. OMG, if I did not know that was me, I would have been very concerned for that person. Unfortunately I did not keep a journal.

I, too, have followed you both since my time being here in this grief room, and I have to say I am very proud of you both. You have come a long way. We all have grown, that is for sure. Marcy, I my thoughts will be with you during your time in Colorado, sending you lots of love and hugs.
Tam, I sure have learned allot from you. I thank you for sharing your life with us.

I wish all of us could get together, those of us that have shared our stories and supported each other. Perhaps that day will come, who knows. Maybe I will rent a RV and pick everyone up and we will go to a campground and share. From Arizona to Massachusetts and those in between.

Thank you all for your support, caring, kindness and love. Hugs to all.
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Old 08-31-2013, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,083 posts, read 5,498,726 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
Thank you both. Wow, I thank you for your concern. I had no idea how I sounded until someone "liked" my very first post. OMG, if I did not know that was me, I would have been very concerned for that person. Unfortunately I did not keep a journal.

I, too, have followed you both since my time being here in this grief room, and I have to say I am very proud of you both. You have come a long way. We all have grown, that is for sure. Marcy, I my thoughts will be with you during your time in Colorado, sending you lots of love and hugs.
Tam, I sure have learned allot from you. I thank you for sharing your life with us.

I wish all of us could get together, those of us that have shared our stories and supported each other. Perhaps that day will come, who knows. Maybe I will rent a RV and pick everyone up and we will go to a campground and share. From Arizona to Massachusetts and those in between.

Thank you all for your support, caring, kindness and love. Hugs to all.
I would like to be on the RV too, please! I lost a mother, not a husband, so it's a different type of loss, but I can still be fun on the RV!

Smilin, I am so glad to hear you're feeling so much better. Marcy, I am looking forward to hearing how the "scattering" goes. I think when I last posted about my Mom's ashes, I was planning on burying them in the family plot as she wished, but it is $900 to open the grave and I just don't have an extra grand lying around. I spent almost $10K on her funeral (only received $2700 in death benefit from her employer) and, although I do not regret one dollar of it, I am now tapped-out. I know she would understand, I just know it.
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Old 08-31-2013, 11:57 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,637,003 times
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Avalon, the RV won't leave without you. Your mother completely understands. You are a very loving, kind, compassionate and caring daughter, you have touched my heart. HUGS!!
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Old 09-01-2013, 01:56 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,739,165 times
Reputation: 7078
I will have my iPad with me in CO, so I'll be here posting. I'm scared, sad, nervous about the scattering. It's the final goodbye, and the reality that he's actually gone.
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Old 09-01-2013, 07:52 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
Reputation: 18811
Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
Thank you both. Wow, I thank you for your concern. I had no idea how I sounded until someone "liked" my very first post. OMG, if I did not know that was me, I would have been very concerned for that person. Unfortunately I did not keep a journal.

I, too, have followed you both since my time being here in this grief room, and I have to say I am very proud of you both. You have come a long way. We all have grown, that is for sure. Marcy, I my thoughts will be with you during your time in Colorado, sending you lots of love and hugs.
Tam, I sure have learned allot from you. I thank you for sharing your life with us.

I wish all of us could get together, those of us that have shared our stories and supported each other. Perhaps that day will come, who knows. Maybe I will rent a RV and pick everyone up and we will go to a campground and share. From Arizona to Massachusetts and those in between.

Thank you all for your support, caring, kindness and love. Hugs to all.
LOL, smilin', you can park the RV right next to my motorhome!

Thank you, hon, there's nothing more that I could hope for. God Bless you.
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Old 09-01-2013, 11:19 PM
 
8,440 posts, read 10,714,664 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Smilin', thanks so much for posting. Like Marcy said, I was pretty darned worried about you in your beginning stages. "Lonely but not desperate", pretty much says it for me too. "You've come a long way, Baby"! I feel so happy for and so proud of you! Really.

(((HUGS)))
And so have you, Miss Tami. I'm proud of what you cope with daily and you try to comfort and help others here. ♥

MSR
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Old 09-02-2013, 12:09 AM
 
8,440 posts, read 10,714,664 times
Reputation: 6201
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
I will have my iPad with me in CO, so I'll be here posting. I'm scared, sad, nervous about the scattering. It's the final goodbye, and the reality that he's actually gone.
Marcy,

I have admired many of your thoughtful and tender posts. I admit I did not realize the time since you lost your husband until you will meet with some of your family in CO and scattering his ashes soon. You've been a pillar of strength and common sense advice for so many.

I encourage you to feel what you feel now, cry, and tell all of us how we can help. I think every emotion you listed above, and maybe more will resurface. It is different to deal with the initial shock, losses and all the decisions when many others are there to support. As you've found ways to cope or deal with things you've had to do you always knew your husband's ashes were with you.

It will be different taking his ashes to CO and knowing they won't be returning with you. I don't know if this is a possibility or even something you would want to consider: would it comfort you to have a small amount of your husband's ashes remain with you? It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's about what you need.

Or is there some other personal belonging of your husband's that you can have close to comfort you?

Others may have better suggestions. If we know what is the most difficult we can offer ideas, support and caring.

Don't feel like you have to apologize to anyone for how you feel. I'd be scared, sad and full of memories this week. You may have very gentle and memorable events happen on this journey. Just don't pretend everything is okay when you're going through a huge step dealing with your losses in a different way.

I'll be thinking of you......

MSR
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