Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Here is what my mother did when she was getting older so there were no issues of "who gets what" after she was gone.
My mother and one of my brothers went through the house, room by room, and made a list of EVERYTHING that might become an issue (heirlooms, antiques, furniture, dishes, etc)
Then they discussed who (fairly) gets what, and one of our names was listed beside that item.
Then with our mother present, we all discussed the list together. There were some disappointments, but with her present, we all knew that she had made fair choices.
After she passed away, there were no arguments at all. We knew which items were ours to take out of our childhood home.
One more suggestion I have
Make a list for ALL things that matter to YOU in your home.
Keep in mind that after you are gone, some of these things might look like yard sale items to people who don't know the importance or value of them. (heirlooms, furniture, antiques, knick-nacks, etc)
For each item listed, note why they are important to you, who they came from (an old silver spoon from great granny, Uncle Joe's dull old pocket knife, an ugly picture that your cherished, dead aunt painted, etc)
After you are gone, some of these items might still be put in the trash or a garage sale, but at least they will know the history of them and can decide if they are family "treasures" to keep, or not.
I just wish Id have my digi camera 14 years ago when my mum died.... so much of her furniture etc was either given away or sold... and Id now love to have seen her wee house as it was just before she died... all I have is the nightress she wore in hospital that I got her for mothers day.. the day she died, a cheap bag and scarf she always wore....photos of her past. and some curtains I still have.... Im not into hoarding anything to be honest but now wish I had something to look at now and again..
I have my mothers engagement/wedding rings which are very nice (and I cherish them) but what I have that bolsters me daily is a Serenity prayer plaque...my mom was not in recovery for anything (other than raising 5 kids and living the life) nor overly religious (rather just faithful) but she found solace in that prayer and it means a great deal to me.
It doesn't make me sad at all but rather just reminds me daily what a wonderful and strong mother I had.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
I just wish Id have my digi camera 14 years ago when my mum died.... so much of her furniture etc was either given away or sold... and Id now love to have seen her wee house as it was just before she died... all I have is the nightress she wore in hospital that I got her for mothers day.. the day she died, a cheap bag and scarf she always wore....photos of her past. and some curtains I still have.... Im not into hoarding anything to be honest but now wish I had something to look at now and again..
I'm sorry, it is sad that you don't have many mementos of your mom. Just looking at certain things can bring us back to happy times.
I wish I had more photos of my grandmother and the interior of her house (who I was very close to). It was torn down not too long after she passed away to make a 4 lane highway. I am so sad driving past the place where her house used to be and that was back in the early 90's that they tore it down. In her little one bedroom house, I had some of my best childhood memories.
My parents are down sizing so I have been given quite a few things. Some furniture they have had for many years, a picture my father painted, ect. These things just remind me of them. They are still with us, and I would think I will appreciate these items more when they are gone. But I can certainly see how sometimes an item may make you feel sad. Some stay in a home after one has past, while others sell the home.
How do you all feel about this?
I have and wear a lot of jewelry that belonged to my grandma in the 30's-70's when she dressed up(before I was born). It means a great deal to me to keep enjoying these pieces of jewelry by wearing them like she used to when she was my age. It keeps her spirit alive. (It helps that I look a lot like my grandma when she was my age, too!)
I feel sad because there is nothing of my parents (father deceased, mother 94) that my sibling/I want. Due to their frugality, they have nothing we consider of value; saddest is we care so little of retaining their memory & will just put everything in the Goodwill or a dumpster.
It doesn't have to be anything of value. The only things my parents had that were of any value were things my brother and I had given them. But the things I treasure the most are things I forgot to mention on my earlier post in this thread. I have some of my mom's small serving dishes, ones that I remember being on the table when I was a kid. I kept those, and I use them all the time.
But the thing I use the most might seem kind of gross to some of you, but to me it's not. We didn't know when my dad died that his prostate cancer had returned and metastasized to every part of his body. He was stoic and never complained about anything. I know he had to be in a lot of pain, but he didn't let us see that. So when he died, it was a shock. After he died we found out the cancer had returned and spread.
When we went through my parents' things to get the house ready to sell, there was a quilt on my mom and dad's bed that had my dad's blood on it. I don't know where the bleeding was coming from, but it was up near the pillow so I assume his nose or mouth or who knows. The cancer was everywhere. He has slept in that bed up until the night before he died, when he drove himself to the hospital. Still we didn't know he was going to die. They were going to discharge him the afternoon he died and he died before he was discharged. I took the quilt home and washed it. I sleep with it every night. It's a light quilt so is the perfect weight by itself in the summer and either folded over or with another blanket in the winter.
My 19 year old cat also used to sleep on and under that quilt with me, and she died in June of this year.
I don't care that the quilt has blood stains on it.
I have had a few things from family and friends over the years (not including photo albums, for the moment.) Usually they were inexpensive personal items: glass paper weights that were always on the desk, small framed print given to a child, a small painted plaque by my favourite aunt, vases, vanity tray, etc. of grandmother.
Being old enough to pitch into the abyss without a moments notice, I have given all of the stuff belonging to family members to young or middle-aged family members who are directly related to the people who owned them. I have few items left, but these I have saved only because I have grown to enjoy them as objects and only secondarily because of who owned them. I found over the passage of years that the objects lost their "potency" as fetishes having a special connexion with the deceased, and simply became familiar things that had also once belonged to a person in my life.
Photos and photo albums have for the most part continued evoke emotional twinges and not just curiosity. I have just recently begun to get rid of them. A very small number from 1900 - 1930 I had framed some years ago, other old photos I have digitalized and relatives can make copies and some originals I have sent to people. The remainder were of my own family and in most cases no longer of much interest. These latter I have looked over and then thrown out, and this weekend I will look through the very last and then throw them out as well.
My will disposes of my own personal possessions that have financial value, and the bulk of the furniture, rugs, art work is bequeathed to the resale shop of a would-be hospice organization. As most of it comes from the Middle East or the Far East and is not found locally, they may be able to make a decent profit off of it.
I feel sad because there is nothing of my parents (father deceased, mother 94) that my sibling/I want. Due to their frugality, they have nothing we consider of value; saddest is we care so little of retaining their memory & will just put everything in the Goodwill or a dumpster.
That is a shame. You had no happy times with them?
After my great uncle died my mother came from their house with a bag full of his clothes, not sure what happened to that clothes, but for some odd reason I couldn't wear that clothes...I kind of gave me the creeps.
Luzianne, you and I are a lot alike on what we've kept from our loved ones. And keeping the quilt isn't odd or morbid at all imo. You are treasuring a part of your dad.
I have tons of my parents things and some of my grandmothers. I only feel bad about still having their clothes, but cant make myself get rid of them. My favorite thing is using their kitchen items. Nothing better than using my moms cornbread mixing bowl and cast iron skillet, brings me wonderful memories. She always teased me that I had to be the only kid around, that wanted to "lick" the cornbread bowl like most do with the brownie one.
And as far as divvying up things: My sister and I took turns picking what we wanted. Looking back it went too smooth, and I think she let me have the best items since I took care of mom. I feel terrible about that, and wish I could afford to ship her a bunch of stuff.
I worry a lot about what will happen to my "horde" when I pass. I do tell the grands about the important stuff and plan on taping the items story on them and/or write memories about them in a notebook. I'm trying to teach the girls the importance of a invaluable item being worth millions just by the memories they hold. Both of female inlaws hate "stuff", so the grands are my only hope. One son feels like me, so hope he's up for the battle. I love loved ones items so much, my dad had even brought me his old razor while healthy. He knew what that kind of stuff means to me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That is a shame. You had no happy times with them?
My favorite thing is using their kitchen items. 
Nothing better than using my moms cornbread mixing bowl and cast iron skillet, brings me wonderful memories. She always teased me that I had to be the only kid around, that wanted to "lick" the cornbread bowl like most do with the brownie one. 
I love loved ones items so much, my dad had even brought me his old razor while healthy. He knew what that kind of stuff means to me. 
