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Old 10-28-2013, 05:07 PM
 
Location: SoCal
6,418 posts, read 11,554,192 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moorhen3 View Post
.... I just wonder if there are any other options besides embalment that would ensure the body is not whole anymore. ....
Organ donation? Your mom could give a wonderful givt to a few people, and it might ease your fears.

Last edited by oddstray; 10-28-2013 at 05:16 PM..
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Old 10-28-2013, 05:11 PM
 
624 posts, read 936,075 times
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I might also suggest, if you are concerned about cost, that your mother's body does not have to be embalmed before burial unless it is absolutely required by the cemetery. Jewish people do not embalm. The body is just placed in the coffin and sealed, since we do not do open-casket funerals and don't believe in removing anything from the body.

I have seen embalming done many times, because I prepare bodies at a regular funeral home and have been present for them. Personally, I find it a little gruesome and would prefer either cremation or intact burial for my own loved ones, but some of my response to embalming is a product of my upbringing, and I do believe every family should do what they think is best. If you have questions about that process, answers are a quick Google away. But anyway, do know that it's not only a cremation-or-embalming choice, even if you are burying at a regular cemetery. Again, just make sure your chosen cemetery allows unembalmed burial before you consider that alternative.

I don't remember if you mentioned the possibility of an open-casket funeral. If your mom has been sick for a long time, making her look nice for open-casket may be very difficult. I've known families who were very upset how "dead", mannequin-like, or unfamiliar a loved one looked in the casket, but people need to understand how difficult it is to make a person who was ill for a long time look like they're just sleeping. Morticians try their best, but one has to be reasonable.

You may want to discuss this with your family before deciding about funeral arrangements.

Sorry if I missed something in this thread that makes this post irrelevant. Reading on my phone can make me miss things. If this doesn't apply to you, maybe someone else here can benefit, or you might need this info in the future.

Best wishes, and peace.

Last edited by Slithytoves; 10-28-2013 at 05:30 PM..
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Old 10-28-2013, 05:42 PM
 
Location: DALLAS COUNTY
509 posts, read 1,258,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oddstray View Post
Organ donation? Your mom could give a wonderful givt to a few people, and it might ease your fears.
I kinda thought about that but with the kind of cancer that she has, metastatic they called it which means it spreads throughout the body, I would think that her organs could have a chance of carrying the cancer. I don't know but I could ask.
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Old 10-28-2013, 05:46 PM
 
Location: DALLAS COUNTY
509 posts, read 1,258,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slithytoves View Post
I might also suggest, if you are concerned about cost, that your mother's body does not have to be embalmed before burial unless it is absolutely required by the cemetery. Jewish people do not embalm. The body is just placed in the coffin and sealed, since we do not do open-casket funerals and don't believe in removing anything from the body.

I have seen embalming done many times, because I prepare bodies at a regular funeral home and have been present for them. Personally, I find it a little gruesome and would prefer either cremation or intact burial for my own loved ones, but some of my response to embalming is a product of my upbringing, and I do believe every family should do what they think is best. If you have questions about that process, answers are a quick Google away. But anyway, do know that it's not only a cremation-or-embalming choice, even if you are burying at a regular cemetery. Again, just make sure your chosen cemetery allows unembalmed burial before you consider that alternative.

I don't remember if you mentioned the possibility of an open-casket funeral. If your mom has been sick for a long time, making her look nice for open-casket may be very difficult. I've known families who were very upset how "dead", mannequin-like, or unfamiliar a loved one looked in the casket, but people need to understand how difficult it is to make a person who was ill for a long time look like they're just sleeping. Morticians try their best, but one has to be reasonable.

You may want to discuss this with your family before deciding about funeral arrangements.

Sorry if I missed something in this thread that makes this post irrelevant. Reading on my phone can make me miss things. If this doesn't apply to you, maybe someone else here can benefit, or you might need this info in the future.

Best wishes, and peace.
I have thought about embalming for the peace of mind it would bring us in this irrational fear that we have. But at the same time, the cost is worrying me. I am fine in doing a closed-casket funeral and I think it would be ok with her either way. I've done a little research on the cost of funerals and at least I know that I can look for a much cheaper casket somewhere else besides the funeral home. And I am researching so that I do not fall into traps that might arise in the funeral home when I go to them.
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Old 10-28-2013, 08:57 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,869 posts, read 16,253,891 times
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Moorhen3, I'm very sorry for your painful experience. It's difficult to lose a parent under any circumstances, but seeing your mother so ill adds to the distress. My father died of complications from a series of strokes. He spent his last days unconscious. In the hospital he was hooked up to all kinds of machines and it was easy to see he had life functions. But when he was removed from all of them at the end it was hard for me to tell what was up. He was so still and pale.

One of us was always sitting with him at the end. I was there when his priest gave him last rites. Dad was very religious; had he been aware of his surroundings in any way I know he would have responded to the prayers, if not to me. Then I left the room for a couple of hours as my mother and brother took over. They called me and said Dad had finally passed and I should come back. When I walked in the room, while he looked dead to me before, this was different. Really, there was no doubt in my mind that he was dead then. It's IS different than unconscious.

Someone suggested that you keep the body at home for a little while before it's removed to the funeral home. I think that's a great suggestion for you. It will alleviate any doubts. There is something to that "spirit leaving the body" thing. You will truly know that's not your mother anymore and on one level you will be glad her suffering has passed.

But, honestly, I get your fear. I'm claustrophobic so the casket and burial creeps me out. But it's good that you're talking about this and facing your discomfort. Your mother would be proud of you.
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Old 10-28-2013, 10:10 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 7,213,418 times
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Buy her a cell phone?
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Old 10-29-2013, 08:25 AM
 
5,989 posts, read 6,726,745 times
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Don't worry - when someone is pronounced dead, they really are dead. That's why it's so newsworthy if it ever happens that mistake was made. Why not ask your mom what she wants, and follow her wishes? Or if you don't think she wants to face it, don't ask her, and have her cremated and scatter her ashes somewhere that was important to her in life - maybe a favorite recreation spot? No need for embalming, expensive coffin, etc. Better to have her cremated without any additional expense and hold a memorial service as a celebration of her life, instead of a funeral with a body in a coffin. I completely agree with your idea of using the money to help your sister, instead of on expensive, unnecessary embalming.
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Old 10-29-2013, 08:49 AM
 
16,579 posts, read 20,623,838 times
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I know that you've been reassured, but I'll just add this. If your mom has hospice care, most likely the hospice nurse will be the one to actually pronounce her dead. She'll listen for a heartbeat with a stethoscope and do a quick exam. Then, it will be a little while until the funeral home comes to pick up your mom's body. You'll be able to spend time with her then, and you'll know, without a doubt, that she's passed and will not be coming back.

My heart goes out to you. I went through this very recently and it's not easy. Hang in there.
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Old 10-29-2013, 11:03 AM
 
3,433 posts, read 5,724,201 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oddstray View Post
Organ donation? Your mom could give a wonderful givt to a few people, and it might ease your fears.
not much demand for organ s from a person full of cancer
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Old 10-29-2013, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
24,509 posts, read 24,106,713 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teddy52 View Post
not much demand for organ s from a person full of cancer
The OP already stated that.
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