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There is a book that was written about the stages of decay a body experiences and the signs that someone is dead. I forgot the title but you can probably find it on Amazon or find something similar to it. That might bring some comfort to you. Also, bear in mind that if a person is buried and blood is drained from the body before burial during embalmment, he or she can't possibly be buried alive. Holding a wake for a day or two with an open casket will provide further proof that your mom is truly dead and will help to ease your mind.
If it is still a major worry, I vote for cremation. Your fear is not uncommon. That's why quite a few horror stories were written about being buried alive!
Yes, thank you. The little that I know about embalment would ease my mind if she were to be buried cause embalment certainly entails the body not whole anymore. I just wonder if there are any other options besides embalment that would ensure the body is not whole anymore. Ugh, I know this sounds so wrong but I just don't know how else to put it but in blunt terms. I am just trying to learn to ease these negative thoughts cause that is usually where my mind first goes-into the negative thoughts.
mod cutI do have a cousin I could ask but since these boards are here to help one another, I figured there would be people here who could reassure me or help me out cause I know it is an irrational fear. So far members of this forum have been great. And as far as getting money, I certainly did not mean money for me, never mentioned that. But my sister (and she doesn't know that I am thinking of this) certainly could use the money and I know that my mom would do anything for her and if it meant cremation so that she could leave money for my sister, i think she would do it.
Sometimes irrational fears cover a reluctance to deal with the reality at hand. Your mother is dying, and that is a hard thing you will have to face. The thing is, when she dies, you yourself will know without a shadow of a doubt that she is dead.
Professionals tend to not pronounce anyone dead who is not actually dead.
Medical examiners have a thing about performing autopsies on people who are alive as well.
Embalming only happens to those who are actually dead and cremation or burial is limited to those who are dead as well.
There are safety checks, medical checks, procedures, guidelines, laws etc. set in place to make sure that someone is actually dead before being pronounced dead and the entire process starts.
No not after cremation obviously but before. I understand it is an irrational fear but I am trying to educate myself and hear experiences so that I can combat that fear with actual information.
Moorhen3, I also have this fear. I can't believe I finally found someone in the twenty-first century who has it. I bought a pre-need cremation plan for myself because I (honestly) asked if you could pay to have someone make sure you're dead, and no one ever told me an answer that lessened my fears. My heart goes out to you; I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers.
As a person who has been bedside for more than one death, believe me when I tell you, you will know when your loved one has passed from this life. My husband is a minister and we have been present and I never had any problem knowing when death occured.
mod cutI do have a cousin I could ask but since these boards are here to help one another, I figured there would be people here who could reassure me or help me out cause I know it is an irrational fear. So far members of this forum have been great. And as far as getting money, I certainly did not mean money for me, never mentioned that. But my sister (and she doesn't know that I am thinking of this) certainly could use the money and I know that my mom would do anything for her and if it meant cremation so that she could leave money for my sister, i think she would do it.
best of luck i'll have you and your family in my prayers and thought.
Last edited by Sam I Am; 10-28-2013 at 06:58 PM..
Reason: orphaned
mod cut Getting all this helpful information is already helping me believe it or not. I am so glad for helpful people out there and I am really very grateful that they see past my fumbling attempts to express myself.
Last edited by Sam I Am; 10-28-2013 at 06:59 PM..
Reason: orphaned
A few years ago there was a newspaper story about someone who "awoke" in either a hospital morgue or a mortuary (before being embalmed, of course). I can't remember which place it was. It was newsworthy because it was so rare - less than one in ten million, I'm sure. Obviously someone had not done a thorough enough job in pronouncing the person dead. Perhaps such a story, even if consciously forgotten, is the source of the OP's irrational fear. So perhaps her fear is not so totally irrational after all since it has happened.
However, OP, please consider this: Such an error is even more unlikely in your mother's case, since she is terminally ill as determined by doctors. In that state of illness her body is barely supporting life as it is, and that's the reason she is under hospice care. Do speak to a hospice nurse when you visit; ask to speak to one of the nurses whose responsibility it is to declare people dead. I think you will be reassured.
And to be clear about embalming; if a person should happen to be alive at the beginning of the embalming process, he or she will not be alive at the end of it. The blood is essentially replaced by embalming fluid, which not only is incapable of transmitting food and oxygen to the cells, but which will kill any living cells and preserve them. I watched one embalming a long time ago - not for the faint of heart.
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