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What a wonderful post, Macrina. It took over 5 months to stop the constant crying and over a year to stop crying when I'd talk about my husband. Once that happened I was able to not cry again and again whenever the situation came around. You and the others who have lost a child(ren) are my "heroes". You have suffered the most devastating loss a person can have and still try to help others with their grief.
I was still crying until about six months later. Then music would make me smile. I slowly learned not to greive for the time taken away and appreciate the time spent together. Smile and remember the joy. The sorrow slowly fades. Sigh.
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. My mom died in spring 2010. I lived in the same town as my parents, and both my brothers live across the country. I had an accident that caused a brain injury in early December of that year, so I was far from 100% for that "first" Christmas. My dad was very clear that he was not up to celebrating, but he would like to see everybody. My brothers both came out with their families for a week. They stayed at a friend's house so they weren't underfoot, but we all got together at Dad's every day. We always had something easy planned for the following day - going to the park, meeting for breakfast, bringing lunch to Dad's - so he had something to look forward to, but it wasn't focused on the holiday. If he didn't feel up to joining us for any certain thing, we didn't push it, and just let him be.
He decided he would like to have Christmas dinner for everyone, but wasn't up to the preparations. That was something he and Mom had always enjoyed doing together. My brothers and I contacted local shops and had a full dinner brought in. We did the set up and clean up, while Dad hung out with the grandkids. (We would all have been happy with sandwiches, too, if that's what he had wanted to do.)
It was really hard for all of us to get through, but we all "lost it" at different times. Instead of celebrating the holiday, we just got through it, but we got through it together. Each year has gotten a little easier. Generally, I would say honor your mother's wishes, but under the circumstances I say go.
Good way to handle the situation, MamaRed. Nice that Dad wanted to have the dinner and great that you and your siblings made it happen. I'm sorry for the lose of your Mom.
It can take YEARS to get to the point where one can function again fully after a death. Everyone is on their own journey when it comes to grief. Be patient.
I hope she lets you come visit; even though she says no, I think she might really want you there. Maybe she is overwhelmed with having guests in the house; I'd offer to stay in a hotel but I'd push back a bit to see if she will agree to let you visit, even if it's just for a few hours a day. I hope you can visit.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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What a great post, Macrina!!
I still cry when talking or thinking about my husband after four years. It's so hard to talk about him because it still hurts so much. Just the slightest thought, and I'm crying really hard. In many ways, I'm moving on, getting by and getting involved, but when I'm alone, I'll still bawl like a baby at a thought of him, a song (those are the worst) or an older TV show that we would watch together. I'll still hear his comments about the show. It never ends, it just eases a little as time goes on.
That's the only music I still can listen to, CCc. When I'm out in my car I only listen to the local news station that's on 24/7.
I never liked Rod Stewart but he had one song that always touched my heart and I always had to stop whatever I was doing just so that I could listen to it. It was always a song about my two boys. Now I have to turn off the radio. I can't stand that song anymore:
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