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What do you want or need when it comes to emotional support?...Last night I was trying to explain to a friend where I'm "at" right now. It was great that my friend (a man) took the time to listen to me. (Especially since it's hard for me to "understand myself" at times!)...Grief comes with lots of "ups" and "downs" and "puzzling moments." Don't you think?...Sometimes I really feel "psycho!" And I know some friends may have trouble understanding me. Nice when someone cares enough to "just listen" for awhile. How do you feel about it? Thanks!
How do I feel about it? For me, most people have not gone through what I have. I do not want to sound like I'm suffering from terminal uniqueness here, but I just lost a lot of things that "normal" people never had. Hence, I do not expect anybody to understand.
When I meet somebody who seems to be able to lend a kind ear, I'd just like to be heard. What always gets me are the people who tell me, "You shouldn't feel like you do, you'll snap out of it, or everybody goes through this." What I hear is that I have no right to feel the way I do, it's just a phase (so I really didn't lose anything I just think I did), and everybody goes through it? Really! Get out! I didn't see you (the person making such statements) lose anything like I did!
Then there are the most dreaded of them all, the fixers! I do not want to be "fixed!" I am not a broken car, and you're not a mechanic! What further exacerbates this situation is the Ace Mechanic usually hasn't lost one thing I have let alone the entire life's kit as I have.
I like to be heard. I don't have to be understood, but that would be nice. I do not expect most people to understand me because I am not pacified by the bread & circuses and I'm not medicated by the ʞool aid that society so greedily gulps
I agree, it's rather refreshing to hear somebody who "just listens." I've found that most people just don't get it. I avoid talking about it with them because they seem to be trained to offer feeble advice in an attempt to sooth me or they've been programmed to think they can fix anything just because they once broke a nail!
I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for, but those were some of my experiences and frustrations as I deal with life in Nueva 'Merika.
I hope you find what you're searching.
Cheers and thanks for reading,
bolillo
Last edited by bolillo_loco; 11-02-2013 at 12:17 PM..
Reason: No Rhodes scholar here
How do I feel about it? For me, most people have not gone through what I have. I do not want to sound like I'm suffering from terminal uniqueness here, but I just lost a lot of things that "normal" people never had. Hence, I do not expect anybody to understand.
When I meet somebody who seems to be able to lend a kind ear, I'd just like to be heard. What always gets me are the people who tell me, "You shouldn't feel like you do, you'll snap out of it, or everybody goes through this." What I hear is that I have no right to feel the way I do, it's just a phase (so I really didn't lose anything I just think I did), and everybody goes through it? Really! Get out! I didn't see you (the person making such statements) lose anything like I did!
Then there are the most dreaded of them all, the fixers! I do not want to be "fixed!" I am not a broken car, and you're not a mechanic! What further exacerbates this situation is the Ace Mechanic usually hasn't lost one thing I have let alone the entire life's kit as I have.
I like to be heard. I don't have to be understood, but that would be nice. I do not expect most people to understand me because I am not pacified by the bread & circuses and I'm not medicated by the ʞool aid that society so greedily gulps
I agree, it's rather refreshing to hear somebody who "just listens." I've found that most people just don't get it. I avoid talking about it with them because they seem to be trained to offer feeble advice in an attempt to sooth me or they've been programmed to think they can fix anything just because they once broke a nail!
I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for, but those were some of my experiences and frustrations as I deal with life in Nueva 'Merika.
I hope you find what you're searching.
Cheers and thanks for reading,
bolillo
Great post! Thanks!...I can totally relate to everything you wrote.
How do I feel about it? For me, most people have not gone through what I have. I do not want to sound like I'm suffering from terminal uniqueness here, but I just lost a lot of things that "normal" people never had. Hence, I do not expect anybody to understand.
When I meet somebody who seems to be able to lend a kind ear, I'd just like to be heard. What always gets me are the people who tell me, "You shouldn't feel like you do, you'll snap out of it, or everybody goes through this." What I hear is that I have no right to feel the way I do, it's just a phase (so I really didn't lose anything I just think I did), and everybody goes through it? Really! Get out! I didn't see you (the person making such statements) lose anything like I did!
Then there are the most dreaded of them all, the fixers! I do not want to be "fixed!" I am not a broken car, and you're not a mechanic! What further exacerbates this situation is the Ace Mechanic usually hasn't lost one thing I have let alone the entire life's kit as I have.
I like to be heard. I don't have to be understood, but that would be nice. I do not expect most people to understand me because I am not pacified by the bread & circuses and I'm not medicated by the ʞool aid that society so greedily gulps
I agree, it's rather refreshing to hear somebody who "just listens." I've found that most people just don't get it. I avoid talking about it with them because they seem to be trained to offer feeble advice in an attempt to sooth me or they've been programmed to think they can fix anything just because they once broke a nail!
I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for, but those were some of my experiences and frustrations as I deal with life in Nueva 'Merika.
I hope you find what you're searching.
Cheers and thanks for reading,
bolillo
Wow, awesome post and I have experienced the fixers or the people who think I ought to be dating by now, a man will fix everything. I stay away from the fixers. I think I feel more confused now than I did when I first lost my husband because I am disappointed in myself for not moving on and have a "LIFE".
I need others to ask me how I am, how can they help and to actively listen. I don't need someone telling me what I should be doing.
I need people to not judge me as I can't think of one person I know who has to deal with some of the things I've had to deal with. I personally find those who "ordered" me no obituary, no death notice and more disgraceful. Why shouldn't a life be celebrated or remembered?
And I need friends who can handle the bad days when they happen and life continues with no damage done to our relationships because of me having a bad day or week given the combination of the factors.
I would have liked to have been hugged IRL a whole heck of a lot more instead of just in cyberspace. That human contact was sadly missing. I think it stunted my grieving process for a while.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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I would like people to trying to "fix" me. I don't want to date, I don't want to get remarried, I don't want to take off my wedding rings, and I don't want people trying to fix me up. I want to live out my life quietly, peacefully, in my own way, on my terms, with no interference from others who think they know what's best for me.
I know exactly what you mean Marcy. I have several people in my life that want to"FIX ME" and tell me what I need to do with my life. I ought do this and I oughta do that and blah, blah, blah.
I really am trying to figure it all out on my own. I know I never want to live with or marry a man. Just a fella that I can do things with would be nice without no attachment.
I have eliminated the "fix me" people out of my life. I just can't deal with people who will not accept me for who I am.
I dealt with my sister, whom I thought for a long time I would lose and THAT was unbearable to me, being that I had already lost her better half.
I was always at her side, often taking her to places they went and just being there for her... My sister learned that only family and really good friends are there after a loss, I grieved for my BIL as well so for us it was a moment when she was allowed to cry when..others tired of her grief wanted her to move on. I helped her calm down because BIL am me enjoyed the same poets and books so I would often read on these times and she was able to manage back into everyday life.
Took her a while but we did move on and sister is in a loving relationship again.
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You said it so eloquently, ty.
