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Old 11-17-2013, 01:03 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,575 posts, read 18,223,622 times
Reputation: 18918

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[quote=Sandbow;32266753]Mom died three years ago today. She, my brother, and myself were pretty much it as far as remaining family, but there were family friends and Mom's coworkers. They all scattered like cockroaches, so we had a private funeral for her and cut off all avenues of contact with the cockroaches.

You find out who your real friends are at times like this. Don't buy into the "they just feel uncomfortable" BS.

Sound harsh? Try going through illness, life support, SNF, hospice, going through personal effects, selling off property, and probate all by yourself.[/quote]

There are plenty of truly "only children" here and I've not heard one bit of animosity out of them, including myself, about having to do it "all by myself".
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Old 11-17-2013, 04:38 PM
 
Location: West Coast, US
77 posts, read 81,433 times
Reputation: 261
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
I hear you !!!!!

If it was too "uncomfortable" for a friend to call at all
while I went through the things you mentioned, then
it's "uncomfortable" for me to continue that friendship !!

I can't be friends with anyone that selfish..

I am not bitter and I have healed but stuff like this shows us people's true colors.
I have deepened some friendships, made new ones and ended some because of it..
Good to hear! It is really a litmus test, isn't it? I'd rather have a few valued companions than a bunch of fair-weather friends, and that's seriously one way of sorting out who's who.



Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
There are plenty of truly "only children" here and I've not heard one bit of animosity out of them, including myself, about having to do it "all by myself".

Congratulations on being such an enlightened individual. If only I could bask in your excellence!

Losing Mom, watching those who knew her turn away as if she'd never existed, and dealing with the vultures who then closed in (attorneys, thieves at estate sales, unethical nursing facility supervisors, etc.) was a hell of a lot to absorb for me personally, even though I'm used to handling things myself. That's just how it affected me, and I don't apologize for it. Kindly get over your precious only-child self.
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Old 11-17-2013, 06:23 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,575 posts, read 18,223,622 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sandbow View Post

Congratulations on being such an enlightened individual. If only I could bask in your excellence!

Losing Mom, watching those who knew her turn away as if she'd never existed, and dealing with the vultures who then closed in (attorneys, thieves at estate sales, unethical nursing facility supervisors, etc.) was a hell of a lot to absorb for me personally, even though I'm used to handling things myself. That's just how it affected me, and I don't apologize for it. Kindly get over your precious only-child self.
My, how nasty are you? I won't "take back" anything I said nor shall I respond to you any further. Good evening.
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Old 11-17-2013, 07:44 PM
 
7,702 posts, read 12,889,109 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
My, how nasty are you? I won't "take back" anything I said nor shall I respond to you any further. Good evening.
Sandbow sounds like she has been through some very tough stuff and it is not helpful to call her out for
saying it is hard "doing it herself" and brag that you handled all that fine..
No one knows the burden others bear and we need to encourage each other, not put down & compare..
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Old 11-17-2013, 10:27 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,575 posts, read 18,223,622 times
Reputation: 18918
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
Sandbow sounds like she has been through some very tough stuff and it is not helpful to call her out for
saying it is hard "doing it herself" and brag that you handled all that fine..
No one knows the burden others bear and we need to encourage each other, not put down & compare..
Did I say I handled any or everything just fine? No, I said that some here, like me are only children who I have never heard whine about having to handle all the "stuff" on their own. THAT is what I said. I did not brag about a thing. Maybe I should have just said "been there, done that." but didn't come out hateful.
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Old 11-18-2013, 01:18 PM
 
833 posts, read 4,378,006 times
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My daughter died last year and I was shocked at who emotionally supported me after her death and who did not.

I have called people out on their rude behavior. People who are grieving are irritable, cranky, sad, mad, and everything in between. It does feel like we're going crazy sometimes. We can't control our world and it makes us feel very powerless (that's an understatement). So just having someone at least acknowledge, in a card, a phone call, an email, something, helps takes some of the world off our shoulders.

Really, it's such a small thing to ask. But not all good things came from me asking why certain people were not there for me. About half dropped me as a friend, and the other half tried to comfort me a little bit more. With death, you really find out which of your friends are around you just for a good time, versus which ones are there through thick and thin.
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Old 11-18-2013, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,150 posts, read 1,015,543 times
Reputation: 1487
Sounds like a mystery. I wonder too why they did not respond.
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Old 11-19-2013, 12:15 AM
 
7,702 posts, read 12,889,109 times
Reputation: 9626
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post

There are plenty of truly "only children" here and I've not heard one bit of animosity out of them, including myself, about having to do it "all by myself".
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
No, I said that some here, like me are only children who I have never heard whine about having to handle all the "stuff" on their own.
Okay...then lets use your own words ...it is clear you are saying others (including yourself) handled doing this stuff alone without animosity or whining ..That is a put down to her for expressing how overwhelming it was for her...
You can ignore, apologize or defend...but it's not going to work to say you didn't say it..

Last edited by kelly237; 11-19-2013 at 01:28 AM..
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Old 11-19-2013, 08:28 PM
 
Location: West Coast, US
77 posts, read 81,433 times
Reputation: 261
Thanks, kelly237. I appreciate the backup!

Wow, who's really being "nasty" and "whiny" here, tamiznluv? You enjoy name-calling, then ragequit the instant you're called out on it? Spare me the butthurt "good evening to you" blather and learn a lesson from this.
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Old 11-20-2013, 09:41 AM
 
3,442 posts, read 4,490,551 times
Reputation: 5388
someone mentioned........" fair weather friends "

I recently moved here and recently heard that an elderly down the road hit some bad luck health wise. They have a beautifull home on a small river , married late in life and no children.
( I was told this by a woman who lives near me )

She said that couple were always hosting people at their place and the wife enjoyed cooking for guests. She said her and her husband were always on their guest list.

She said the wife is in a nursing home now and the husband just suffered a severe stroke and is also in the same nursing home.

I asked if she ever stopped to visit them and she gave me a blank stare.

Yes, yes, eat their food, accept their invitations.....................but when problems arise leave them high and dry !
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