U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-06-2013, 02:46 AM
 
1,964 posts, read 2,382,573 times
Reputation: 1884

Advertisements

There are between 30,000 - 40,000 deaths in MVC's every year in the US. Its just that our information sources are so filtered and sanitized that we don't deal with it. Perhaps if they stopped namby pambying the issue and show people the effects of car accidents, less people would drive like idiots or under the influence...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-06-2013, 07:18 AM
 
629 posts, read 597,951 times
Reputation: 938
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cubanchic View Post
I was just going to my normal grocery late day run and I would have gone earlier but DR Phil special on Michelle Knight and her story made me linger.

If I had been five mins sooner I might have been this car, this has freaked me out so bad because there is NO way the driver of the car survived, the hood was compleltely crashed in. he would have been either beheaded or crushed.

The folks all around since this just happened within minutes were shocked and a lot of them snapped out of it but had no idea what to do with a headless person.

I am now trying to process this and it is bothering me big time were I am having crying fits for the dead victim. To top it all off the other vehicle the person that is involve has a white sheet look on his face and I see him vomiting on the side of the road. I am having crying fits for them as well.

This is really really hard for me because sister in law and brother in law died in really bad car crashes.

How do you deal with this?
You have my sympathies about the loss of your relatives.

I always look away when something like this happens because I know that I will have a hard time dealing with the image.

The sight of what happened is not only traumatic in itself but it reminds you of the death of your family members. You are going to need time to deal with this. I also suggest sharing the experience with your friends/family so that you can get their support. Also discuss with your doctor if you can't get it out of your mind or if you are not able to sleep or otherwise function after a few days.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 08:44 AM
 
1,025 posts, read 963,448 times
Reputation: 1775
One morning, as I was driving to work, I saw a man that had hung himself from a tree on the side of the road. I will never forget the sight and it was very difficult to process the whole thing. Sometimes I still see him when I pass by, though thankfully the tree was removed.

I found that what helped was reading the obituary and a news article about the man. Although it made it a little more personal, I was also able to "know" him and his family. That helped a lot.

It helped to talk about it too. Hugs to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 09:25 AM
 
7,282 posts, read 8,382,550 times
Reputation: 11407
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cubanchic View Post
I was just going to my normal grocery late day run and I would have gone earlier but DR Phil special on Michelle Knight and her story made me linger.

If I had been five mins sooner I might have been this car, this has freaked me out so bad because there is NO way the driver of the car survived, the hood was compleltely crashed in. he would have been either beheaded or crushed.

The folks all around since this just happened within minutes were shocked and a lot of them snapped out of it but had no idea what to do with a headless person.

I am now trying to process this and it is bothering me big time were I am having crying fits for the dead victim. To top it all off the other vehicle the person that is involve has a white sheet look on his face and I see him vomiting on the side of the road. I am having crying fits for them as well.

This is really really hard for me because sister in law and brother in law died in really bad car crashes.

How do you deal with this?
The key is to understanding that random things happen about which you can do nothing. Somewhere else, something bad happened too, you just didn't see it yourself, but it happened. If you can accept the random, then dealing with the images and emotions of accidents is much easier. The death of another should embolden each of us to live better, not wallow in ourselves.

One thing for sure, watching Dr. Phil is about one of the most destructive things you can do to yourself. You sit there wasting precious time away vicariously living though the misfortunes of others. When was the last time Dr. Phil left anyone feeling good about things? It hasn't happened. He gets ratings because of the conflict and misfortune in other people lives and somehow in the miracle of a few minutes, fixes everything.

You get depressed, as many people do watching that show and then everything else you experience is clouded by that complete and utter nonsense.

mod cut

Last edited by Sam I Am; 11-07-2013 at 01:11 PM.. Reason: off topic
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 10:28 AM
 
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
9,285 posts, read 16,124,531 times
Reputation: 11269
Quote:
Originally Posted by raindrop101 View Post
One morning, as I was driving to work, I saw a man that had hung himself from a tree on the side of the road. I will never forget the sight and it was very difficult to process the whole thing. Sometimes I still see him when I pass by, though thankfully the tree was removed.

I found that what helped was reading the obituary and a news article about the man. Although it made it a little more personal, I was also able to "know" him and his family. That helped a lot.

It helped to talk about it too. Hugs to you.

Several years ago, as I was driving home from work, I came upon what was obviously a fatal car accident.... the only first responder to have arrived yet was a police officer who was just then covering the body of what I knew was a very young woman or teenaged girl... her car had flipped over and then righted itself in the median.... it was a convertible with the top down and her body landed some feet away.... It looked to me like she had been speeding and somehow run off the road and the car flipped when it hit a culvert..... I can still see with my mind's eye a pink blouse or sweater hanging out of the driver's side rear window..... all of this was captured in the 1.5 to 2 seconds it took to pass the site....

I searched obituaries and newspaper articles for days afterward but never found any mention.... finally, a few months later, one of those adopt-a-highway signs went up with what I presume was her name.... there was still a facebook page open in her name, but I was never able to find anything else out about her.....

I don't mean to sound like I was stalking or prying.... but that image of her, her car and that blouse or sweater will remain with me for the rest of my life.... I drive past there nearly every day and can still see it all so clearly.....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Whispering pines, cutler bay FL.
1,912 posts, read 2,088,937 times
Reputation: 2052
[quote=Mack Knife;32115764]The key is to understanding that random things happen about which you can do nothing. Somewhere else, something bad happened too, you just didn't see it yourself, but it happened. If you can accept the random, then dealing with the images and emotions of accidents is much easier. The death of another should embolden each of us to live better, not wallow in ourselves.

One thing for sure, watching Dr. Phil is about one of the most destructive things you can do to yourself. You sit there wasting precious time away vicariously living though the misfortunes of others. When was the last time Dr. Phil left anyone feeling good about things? It hasn't happened. He gets ratings because of the conflict and misfortune in other people lives and somehow in the miracle of a few minutes, fixes everything.

You get depressed, as many people do watching that show and then everything else you experience is clouded by that complete and utter nonsense.

mod cut

I do understand that this was not a unique occurrence, it still was not very pleasant to witness especially since two of my love ones died in horrible crashes. I was there when my then husband had to identify his little sister and that was gut wrenching.

mod cut
So before you make a lot of presumptive judgements on my television viewing preferences I can safely say that afternoon shows like these normally do not get watched.

Last edited by Sam I Am; 11-07-2013 at 01:12 PM.. Reason: orphaned
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Newark, CA
2,141 posts, read 4,504,933 times
Reputation: 3203
[quote=Cubanchic;32117574]I do understand that this was not a unique occurrence, it still was not very pleasant to witness especially since two of my love ones died in horrible crashes. I was there when my then husband had to identify his little sister and that was gut wrenching.

mod cut


Anyways, I think all of us process situations like this differently so there's really no right or wrong way to deal with it. Some people are more sensitive to it and others have a much higher tolerance for these things. I have a good friend who's been a cop for just a few years and he's had to deal with at least two teenage train suicides as well as a man who was run over by a bus. He tells the stories very matter of factly, not to be insensitive but just in a way that it's his job to have to deal with it.

A couple of years ago just a couple of miles away from where I live, there were police responding to a neighbor's report of an in-progress burglary. When the police arrived, the suspects sped off in their car. They reached speeds of almost 100 mph in a residential neighborhood so within a couple of minutes the police called off the chase due to public safety. The suspects continued to speed away and ran a red light at 80mph, colliding with another car. The person driving the other car was nearly decapitated and died immediately. The suspects both survived and were arrested at the scene. I drive by this intersection almost every day commuting to work. I had heard about the accident in the news before I headed home from work and it was very somber when I drove by it. The accident happened about 5 hours before I headed home that way and the accident scene was still under investigation and the victim's car was still in the place where it ended, with the victim still inside. There was a tarp covering the driver's side of the vehicle and it was very eerie and sad going past it. The next day the news released more information regarding the victim and his family. It's hard when you really get to see their humanity and how important they are to so many other people and how missed they are going to be.

Last edited by Sam I Am; 11-07-2013 at 01:12 PM.. Reason: orphaned
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 02:47 PM
 
Location: NJ
804 posts, read 1,306,586 times
Reputation: 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoaminRebel View Post
There are between 30,000 - 40,000 deaths in MVC's every year in the US. Its just that our information sources are so filtered and sanitized that we don't deal with it. Perhaps if they stopped namby pambying the issue and show people the effects of car accidents, less people would drive like idiots or under the influence...
exactly. I really don't understand why so few people actually realize this many people die a year in MVCs. Also, the term car accident is a misnomer. Most of these collisions are entirely preventable.

To the OP, others have provided excellent advice. I suggest talking to family and friends to help alleviate the pain you feel. Over time, the grief will pass, but the memory of the incident will probably persist. With this in mind, it's important to remember that tragedies happen all of the time. It's just a shame you had to personally witness this one.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 02:56 PM
 
1,006 posts, read 1,778,622 times
Reputation: 1556
First, I'd wait for the facts. Many accidents look horrible, yet with todays modern cars, they walk away. The modern era of vehicles has designed them to crumple and fold up around the occupants, taking the energy away from the occupants. Once you know for a fact that someone was seriously hurt or deceased, then decide how you will cope.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 03:32 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,432 posts, read 18,144,759 times
Reputation: 18811
Yes, the memories will probably be with you the rest of your life but until something brings it back up, it'll be in your stored memory. Like this thread brought back the lady I saw dead in the middle of the street one day. She had been hit by a hit and run driver. It shook me up, I cried for her, couldn't stop thinking about her for a couple of days but life just made it go into the back of my mind. I didn't deliberately keep thinking about it and it faded but it's there because as soon as I saw this thread I could see it again.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top