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Old 11-06-2013, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Whispering pines, cutler bay FL.
1,912 posts, read 2,088,437 times
Reputation: 2052

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Thank you all for your responses, I am better today then yesterday. And some of you have given me the slightest hope that the driver survived although my logical mind and perception tell me no.

My brother in law died at almost the same time as my sister in law , 1999 and 2000. BIL went to a interview in orlando and the last thing he said to my sister was that he was so tired, bone tired. She begged him to pull off but he wanted to be on time. A peace of comfort was that a church member was on the way to visit family in Jacksonville so she followed him and she was able to hold him when he was ejected from his truck and he had someone there. He had a person that knew him there to help with the transition.


My 18 year old SIL was with friends, four of them and they were preparing for a party later that evening. They were going shopping and back then there was this scam of cars cutting you off and stopping to bring a lawsuit against you when you rear ended you. SIL didn't want to hit the car in front and turned left and had a head on crash, the victim of her crash survived because he verged a bit but sadly his lost his leg. She was the only one to die and the car that cut her off took off and left the scene.

So to see what I saw just brought back the aweful memories of that day for both, that horrible moment when you learn about their passing.

It has been a long time and I have moved on and right now, until yesterday, I would have conversations with both when something would bring them back to mind and I was at peace with thier passing and even joked that they HAVE to be there when I pass becuase I miss them so much.

My children now grown men sometimes cry when we see old videos of them both but we are all in a acceptance place and " they are on a long vacation and will see them again one day."

Thank you all for allowing a place to discuss this, since the last thing I would want to do is bring up the tragic events of their passing to the family.
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Old 11-06-2013, 06:24 PM
 
12,607 posts, read 14,605,815 times
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OP, hopefully you can find solace at least in knowing that the person had to die instantly and didn't suffer.

Something similar happened to me a couple of weeks ago, although I didn't witness the aftermath of the accident. It was just two blocks from my house and I could have walked over there, but didn't. It turns out it took three hours to extricate the victim's body from the car, so I'm glad I didn't go over. I just assumed they were all done and nothing was going on, but in fact they had to close the road and it took hours to get her out of the car and get everything cleaned up.

I work from home and sometimes I want a break and will go to Starbucks, post office, bank - all three or any combination. On that particular day I decided to go to Starbucks and I went to the one with a drive through, which is further away. When I got back I saw on Facebook that there had been a fatal crash near my house just before 1:00 p.m., which is the way I WOULD have gone if I had gone to the post office or the other Starbucks, which I often do. I looked at the time on my Starbucks cup and it said 1:18. Yup, that would have pretty much put me right where the fatal crash occurred at the time that it occurred IF I had gone my other route that particular day.
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Old 11-06-2013, 07:05 PM
 
24,885 posts, read 11,599,261 times
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OK, this is going to sound kinda bad but....

You just don't let it get to you. People are dying all around us every day. I've held family members as they pass away, had someone in a foreign country attempt to kidnap the guy in front of me, and when he fought back they shot him and killed in. Some of him hit my rental. And thats tough. This? Its someone you didn't even know. Get over it, and don't turn it into some big drama thing. Because if you do that....then suddenly it IS a big drama thing. And it sucks. But you're choosing to do that.

I'm so sorry this sounds so heartless. but death is going to just miss us a LOT in life. 5 minutes on a road...how many cars is that? If its like my road, its 50-60. Thats not even close to you.
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Old 11-06-2013, 07:48 PM
 
Location: Whispering pines, cutler bay FL.
1,912 posts, read 2,088,437 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greywar View Post
OK, this is going to sound kinda bad but....

You just don't let it get to you. People are dying all around us every day. I've held family members as they pass away, had someone in a foreign country attempt to kidnap the guy in front of me, and when he fought back they shot him and killed in. Some of him hit my rental. And thats tough. This? Its someone you didn't even know. Get over it, and don't turn it into some big drama thing. Because if you do that....then suddenly it IS a big drama thing. And it sucks. But you're choosing to do that.

I'm so sorry this sounds so heartless. but death is going to just miss us a LOT in life. 5 minutes on a road...how many cars is that? If its like my road, its 50-60. Thats not even close to you.
Trust me this is not about drama because the last thing I want is to relive those days and would rather be on the side where I am at peace. Thankfully for me I am at peace with my love ones passing and yesterday's recollections is starting to fade with the analytically thought process and dealing with the natural reminders of a hard emotional day.

I believed that this sub forum that has all to do with grief and how to deal with it, coming here and asking a general question on reminders of a horrible crash should not in any shape or form make me a drama queen.

Geez I wonder what the average response to someone JUST going through the grieving process is around here!

To the folks that have helped me, thank you, it has made this a heck of lot easier!
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Old 11-06-2013, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Mile High
317 posts, read 276,227 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cubanchic View Post
Thanks for the replies, I have just cried my eyes out and my hubby, bless his soul, gave me hope that the driver could have survived.

If he or she did it was by the grace of God. But then again miracles happen, just in this case the driver had to be ejected because otherwise there wasn't room for his/her upper torso in what remained.
I'm so sorry you had to see this, Cubanchic, and that it brought up so many memories of your BIL and SIL. This happened to me, what you mention here. I was 18, driving my Bronco II to my Dad's work so he could get a dime out of my seatbelt. I waited tables back then, and a little dime fell in the part of the seatbelt where it snaps in place, so I couldn't buckle my seatbelt.

So I was driving on this old, winding Farm-to-Market road, a road I'd driven on a thousand times--tens of thousands, probably. I leaned over to the passenger floorboard--don't remember why--probably a cigarette or something. Got off in the right ditch, looked up, panicked, and overcorrected, sending that flimsy Bronco II flying into a pasture on the other hand side of the road. I remember looking at the bar ditch and the pasture beyond it thinking, "My Dad is gonna kill me."

The next thing I know, there's a man standing over me and he's shadowy because the sun's behind him. I think he's the Dark Man coming to take me to hell (don't ask where I got the Dark Man from, but that's what I thought). Scared the crap out of me and I started crying like a baby, "I want my Daddy!" My Dad showed up a few minutes later with the town sheriff. He saw the truck, hood smashed into the ground, before he saw me, and he was sure I was dead. How could I not be? The roof was level with the hood.

The man I thought was the Dark Man was the farmer of the pasture I'd just landed in. He said he watched my car flip five times before I sailed out the rear window, clean over the tire rack. I landed 100 feet away. I lived because there was a silly little dime in my seatbelt clasp.

That was 17 years ago (gosh, already?) and I still freak out in the car. Sometimes it's so bad I think I might have a panic attack. And I feel panic when I read stories like this. And guilt.
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Old 11-06-2013, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Whispering pines, cutler bay FL.
1,912 posts, read 2,088,437 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironlady View Post
I'm so sorry you had to see this, Cubanchic, and that it brought up so many memories of your BIL and SIL. This happened to me, what you mention here. I was 18, driving my Bronco II to my Dad's work so he could get a dime out of my seatbelt. I waited tables back then, and a little dime fell in the part of the seatbelt where it snaps in place, so I couldn't buckle my seatbelt.

So I was driving on this old, winding Farm-to-Market road, a road I'd driven on a thousand times--tens of thousands, probably. I leaned over to the passenger floorboard--don't remember why--probably a cigarette or something. Got off in the right ditch, looked up, panicked, and overcorrected, sending that flimsy Bronco II flying into a pasture on the other hand side of the road. I remember looking at the bar ditch and the pasture beyond it thinking, "My Dad is gonna kill me."

The next thing I know, there's a man standing over me and he's shadowy because the sun's behind him. I think he's the Dark Man coming to take me to hell (don't ask where I got the Dark Man from, but that's what I thought). Scared the crap out of me and I started crying like a baby, "I want my Daddy!" My Dad showed up a few minutes later with the town sheriff. He saw the truck, hood smashed into the ground, before he saw me, and he was sure I was dead. How could I not be? The roof was level with the hood.

The man I thought was the Dark Man was the farmer of the pasture I'd just landed in. He said he watched my car flip five times before I sailed out the rear window, clean over the tire rack. I landed 100 feet away. I lived because there was a silly little dime in my seatbelt clasp.

That was 17 years ago (gosh, already?) and I still freak out in the car. Sometimes it's so bad I think I might have a panic attack. And I feel panic when I read stories like this. And guilt.
See this is what has kept me soo going through a lot maybe he or she survived. I will keep THIS thought before the alternative. Thank you for giving me hope that he or she is alive!
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Old 11-06-2013, 09:25 PM
 
2,797 posts, read 2,511,845 times
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1) Pray for the victims and their family and
2) if you have any type of mobile communication device you use when driving resolve to never use it again unless necessary for emergency purposes and
3) drive with heightened awareness of your surroundings.
4) Then another prayer for yourself:

If I die young may it be with purpose
If I die old may it be in peace.
If I die by accident may I be on good terms
That give those I am close to release.

5) Then be on your way living life to your fullest creating memories with those you love.
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Old 11-08-2013, 11:29 PM
 
8,305 posts, read 8,577,591 times
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No easy answers to this question. I've been on the road a lot and I've seen some pretty awful things. I've seen several accidents where people were killed. I remember one where a tarp was stretched over the road covering up two dead bodies. I saw the aftermath of an auto pedestrian accident on a highway once. Even so, its something I'll never quite get used too. I've also been in about ten serious accidents myself (none were my fault).

Now, here's another big irony: If all that isn't enough, my work as an accident lawyer involves dealing with all kinds of situations like these. The head on collisions are always the worst of all.

Maybe some of this will help:

1. Remember it happens whether you are there or not.
2. Its a function of how much as a society we depend on motor vehicle transportation.
3. Whether they should or not, bad things do happen to good people.
4. None of us who drive or ride in cars are immune. The bell may toll for us someday too.
5. Remember that accidents are why we wear seat belts.
6. Try to use the experience to become a better and safer driver.
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Old 11-09-2013, 09:38 AM
 
Location: sumter
7,183 posts, read 4,632,035 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cocaseco View Post
First, I'd wait for the facts. Many accidents look horrible, yet with todays modern cars, they walk away. The modern era of vehicles has designed them to crumple and fold up around the occupants, taking the energy away from the occupants. Once you know for a fact that someone was seriously hurt or deceased, then decide how you will cope.
yes this is very true, I have seen some horrific accidents over the years that the outcome looked pretty obvious and you just know no one walked away from it only to find out later that the person survive and in some cases walked away from it. and I have seen it where it didn't looked all that bad but found out later the person didn't make it. have you asked around or check your local paper to see if the person made it. knowing either way should ease your mind.
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Old 11-09-2013, 10:30 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,531 posts, read 42,694,765 times
Reputation: 57184
If no one has mentioned it yet, let's all give a good though for the first responders, who need to deal with all the tragic things that happen.
My DH was a volunteer fireman and EMT for about 15 years, and even in the small town where we lived, he had to deal with awful tragedies on a weekly basis. The first responders must become hardened to it, but as soon as you think you are hardened, something new happens that shakes you.
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