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Old 11-09-2013, 12:18 PM
Location: Somewhere
8,071 posts, read 5,083,266 times
Reputation: 5654


Originally Posted by Cubanchic View Post
Thank you all for your responses, I am better today then yesterday. And some of you have given me the slightest hope that the driver survived although my logical mind and perception tell me no.

My brother in law died at almost the same time as my sister in law , 1999 and 2000. BIL went to a interview in orlando and the last thing he said to my sister was that he was so tired, bone tired. She begged him to pull off but he wanted to be on time. A peace of comfort was that a church member was on the way to visit family in Jacksonville so she followed him and she was able to hold him when he was ejected from his truck and he had someone there. He had a person that knew him there to help with the transition.

My 18 year old SIL was with friends, four of them and they were preparing for a party later that evening. They were going shopping and back then there was this scam of cars cutting you off and stopping to bring a lawsuit against you when you rear ended you. SIL didn't want to hit the car in front and turned left and had a head on crash, the victim of her crash survived because he verged a bit but sadly his lost his leg. She was the only one to die and the car that cut her off took off and left the scene.

So to see what I saw just brought back the aweful memories of that day for both, that horrible moment when you learn about their passing.

It has been a long time and I have moved on and right now, until yesterday, I would have conversations with both when something would bring them back to mind and I was at peace with thier passing and even joked that they HAVE to be there when I pass becuase I miss them so much.

My children now grown men sometimes cry when we see old videos of them both but we are all in a acceptance place and " they are on a long vacation and will see them again one day."

Thank you all for allowing a place to discuss this, since the last thing I would want to do is bring up the tragic events of their passing to the family.
I think some of us experience things differently. Maybe we have a hyper active Amygdala. I think it's normal to feel aweful for a few days but after that you might want to consider some help

I did witness a fatal head on accident on Krome ave. I think my stress lasted for 3 months but I get stressed out very easily Back then felt like it was never gonna pass but we get used to almost everything.
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Old 11-09-2013, 12:56 PM
Location: Out West
20,668 posts, read 15,452,059 times
Reputation: 24222
Originally Posted by Cubanchic View Post
I was just going to my normal grocery late day run and I would have gone earlier but DR Phil special on Michelle Knight and her story made me linger.

If I had been five mins sooner I might have been this car, this has freaked me out so bad because there is NO way the driver of the car survived, the hood was compleltely crashed in. he would have been either beheaded or crushed.

The folks all around since this just happened within minutes were shocked and a lot of them snapped out of it but had no idea what to do with a headless person.

I am now trying to process this and it is bothering me big time were I am having crying fits for the dead victim. To top it all off the other vehicle the person that is involve has a white sheet look on his face and I see him vomiting on the side of the road. I am having crying fits for them as well.

This is really really hard for me because sister in law and brother in law died in really bad car crashes.

How do you deal with this?
In 2011, right in front of my job, all of us saw an horrific crash. A car load of girls on holiday from the UK turned to come in to our parking lot, right in front of an SUV. This was a highway that they were on. People travel 55+ on that road. The SUV didn't even have time to brake. They hit so hard, both cars flipped down the road. One girl in the car died. We, the workers, raced out there, stopped traffic, tended to the SUV people and the girls..and tried very hard to rescucitate an already dead girl. I remember scooping stuff out of her mouth that to this day, I do not know what it was. This girl was in the back seat, passenger side. She took the full force of that SUV.

It affected us deeply. We sat stunned, the rest of the day, the next day, the day after that. To this day, I cannot get her face out of my head. I never cried though. When we ran to the crash, we were all in this mode of "save these people" that we didn't have time to think about getting upset. When it was done, we were in such shock, we couldn't even feel anything....we were so numb. It was overwhelming.

I have never "dealt" with it. And that is probably part of the problem why her face still haunts me.

You, crying, IS dealing with it. You are, at least, getting SOMETHING out. That's a good sign. That's not a bad thing. I would suggest, however, that if it is really affecting you, don't do like me and try to push it down because it never goes away that way. My friends, to this day, still tell me that I need to "talk to someone" about it. They know I've not dealt with it.

So how do you deal with it? Allow yourself to be upset, it's a far better way than trying to just go on with life, and try to stop thinking about it. Do think about it. Do get upset. Do mourn. Do be horrified. Allow all of that to happen. And, don't be afraid to talk to a counselor or therapist. You are not just upset by the crash, or someone losing their head, you are upset about things much deeper than that, and a counselor will help you.

I know I should take my own advice, but I'm a stubborn sob that would rather just push it down. My way is not healthy....so don't do what I have done. Do the absolute opposite.
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Old 11-09-2013, 02:22 PM
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,611 posts, read 42,779,610 times
Reputation: 57320
The thing about shock and grief is, it affects different people different ways. When my dog got hit by a car and died, I was inconsolable for weeks, yet I can remain composed when some humans die. I can sob over a TV commercial, but remain unmoved by other things that are tragic.
We should always allow ourselves to feel, because if we stuff the feelings down, it will only be temporary. They will come out eventually. You have to let the poison out.
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Old 08-28-2014, 11:27 AM
128 posts, read 134,068 times
Reputation: 277
I too have those moments when I said "That could have been me, or that could have been us.." etc. It's a scary feeling...One day my husband was coming home from mailing a letter at the post office, and he was stopped under a red light, and all of a sudden something told him not to go....the light turned green and he waited for a few moments before stepping on the gas, even though a car was beeping his horn in back of him...when ALL of a sudden, a Car came barreling down the ON RAMP the wrong way in a hurry to get to dunkin Donuts....Had my husband gone up the on ramp he would have been greeted by a head on collision. well you can imagine how slow and easy the driver behind him who was beeping the horn at him suddenly slowed down most likely thanking his lucky stars it wasn't him who was entering the on ramp. People need to slow down...really.
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Old 09-05-2014, 11:00 AM
Location: East Coast
673 posts, read 552,725 times
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Default kindness

Originally Posted by Macrina View Post
If you are a person of faith you pray. Sorry, I'm not sure what other folk do in a case like this.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this shock and the visual memories. In times these will fade a bit, but if you try to Not think of them, it's probably pretty impossible. Let the thoughts come, but be aware of your breathing. Take deep slow breaths in through your nose and let them out through your mouth Slowly. If tears well up, let them come and they will be cleansing, reflective tears.

It can be a time of being so thankful and grateful that you weren't in fact, at that spot 5 minutes earlier. And don't feel guilty for feeling this very strongly! It's OK, as few or none of us would want it to happen to ourselves.

Try to be quiet and reflective and possibly look at some photos of those whom you love; telling them in your mind that you're so thankful they are in your life.

Do you drink tea? Any kind of herbal tea would be refreshing, or caffeinated tea would be bracing and strengthening. Which ever it is, have some of your favourite.

I wouldn't put any demands on yourself for the evening, if possible.

I hope some or all of this is helpful for you. You're in shock, and this is inevitable and necessary. It's how the body helps us to deal with horrible shocking events.

As I'm a woman of faith I will light a candle for you.
What a kind post!!!
Lots of good ideas.

May I add that the OP can do several things to get this scene out of her mind.
When you revert to your mind's eye and picture the scene, purposefully shift to a pleasant memory of your own...it could be a beach vacation, favorite park, etc.

Begin to do a different activity. Pray, and have some tea for starters, as Macrina suggested.

What has also been helpful to me, is to journal...immediately get out a little journal or notebook, and write your thoughts down. Say to yourself that once this is written down, it's "recorded", so you no longer have to deal with it on a repetitive or active basis. Close the book with purposeful action, then go on to something else.

These actions take a little bit of planning and time, but within a week or two, I think you'll find it will eventually minimize your emotions about it.

This has been helpful concerning the recent death of my mother. But also, it helped me deal with a rather semi-famous case of a baby's death due to Munchausen's syndrome-by-proxy.

A few years ago, I was watching a case about this on one of Discovery ID's (or similar) programs about a woman who was suspected of killing several of her babies. I was stunned to learn she lived near me at a prior military base...I even met her, and commented about her little one, who was hooked up to feeding bags and tubes.

When I asked of her child's age, I was amazed to hear that he was about 2 years old...yet he was as tiny as an 8-month old. She acted so nonchalant at the time...I naively thought she must have been so brave to handle his illness! However, I must say that I was also quite bothered by her reactions...or rather "non-reactions" and nonchalant attitude. Even mentioned it to my spouse.

So, while watching this program, and hearing that not only had this little boy died shortly after, but one or 2 MORE had passed, and one is severely brain-damaged to this day.

I realized, in absolute horror, that I had met this woman a few years earlier - and mistook her strange attitude as being strength, rather than the sickness she had. I was mislead...

The guilt that overcame me was sudden, powerful, and devastating. How I wish I could have saved that little one, and his brothers... I spent 2 weeks wracked with guilt and mourning.

Doing some of the above actions, and being purposeful about it helped to heal. It was also gratifying to learn that her sickness and malevolence was discovered shortly afterwards, and that a fourth baby was saved in time. She was incarcerated, but suffered some sort of seizure whilst in prison. She's now brain-damaged, and I believe is being cared for by her family...

My sympathies and understanding go out to you. It will get better, I promise you!
I will pray for you as well...

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