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Old 11-22-2007, 10:02 PM
 
Location: somewhere between Florida and New England
333 posts, read 328,183 times
Reputation: 79

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Hi everyone, I hope I'm posting on the correct forum.

Today my fiancee and I found out a very close friend from college had unexpectedly passed on. She was just 25 years old. It was a rough end to an otherwise nice Thanksgiving.

Neither one of us has had to deal with death before, so we're doing as expected. Since everything is still so fresh, we're trying to sort out our feelings. We both feel angry, heartbroken and my fiancee is feeling guilt - "if I had done that, this wouldn't have happened." Is this normal, and should it pass soon? Would temporary medication help her? Has anyone out there lost a close friend and, if so, how did you react, what were your feelings? How did you deal with regularly seeing someone and just like that, they're not in your life anymore?

Thanks in advance
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Old 11-22-2007, 10:09 PM
 
Location: Mississippi
3,927 posts, read 7,726,191 times
Reputation: 11390
You mentioned guilt and if you could have done this or that, are we talking about suicide or illness or accident? Believe me, death is final and all death is hard, but the way a death occurs also makes a huge difference for survivors.
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Old 11-22-2007, 10:11 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,415,357 times
Reputation: 47455
counseling is good, however i must say i get a lot of the death thing in my experience (im 59). shakes me up when its up close. i looked in the obituary the other day and 50% were younger than me.
the notion that everybody goes out at 83 in pensacola with a daiquari. is just not so.
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Old 11-22-2007, 10:21 PM
 
Location: somewhere between Florida and New England
333 posts, read 328,183 times
Reputation: 79
No, she was in an automobile accident 300 miles from home. She was deciding whether or not to go because of her dogs, which she couldn't bring - but my fiancee encouraged her to go see her family while we took care of her pets.
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Old 11-22-2007, 10:31 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,506 posts, read 23,184,639 times
Reputation: 8832
My mother died in a tragic accident when I was 20. I wasnt home at the time. I will never forget her, loved her more than anyone. But you cannot blame yourself for a death. If the blame and guilt lasts over a year, therapy can help.

No one knows what it feels like until they live it.
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Old 11-22-2007, 10:45 PM
 
Location: Mississippi
3,927 posts, read 7,726,191 times
Reputation: 11390
Quote:
Originally Posted by sliver203 View Post
No, she was in an automobile accident 300 miles from home. She was deciding whether or not to go because of her dogs, which she couldn't bring - but my fiancee encouraged her to go see her family while we took care of her pets.

I can see where she would be feeling guilty, as she encouraged her to go ahead. Yet, we make these type of decisions each day and never think twice about it. Your fiancee was being a good friend in offering to keep the animals. And she will need to work thru this grief, anger and self blame.

I don't know if you guys are christian or what, but if you are, seek out your pastor, if not and your fiancee does not seem to be able to let go of the guilt, counceling should be a serious consideration.

i'm always available if you would like to dm me. blessings to you and your fiancee...aiangel
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Old 11-22-2007, 10:48 PM
 
Location: in drifts of snow wherever you go
2,493 posts, read 3,061,744 times
Reputation: 692
It's normal to be in shock when someone dies. Death is just too big a concept for our little human brains to handle. It takes a while to sink in. Unfortunately, it's just a part of life and something we all have to deal with. Just give her some time.
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Old 11-22-2007, 11:21 PM
 
Location: somewhere between Florida and New England
333 posts, read 328,183 times
Reputation: 79
First, thanks for the kind words.

As I said, everything is fresh - we are waiting for other friends to arrive here so maybe company and a shoulder to lean on will help. It's very depressing, especially since the two dogs are here.

We are not very religious and it's unlikely either one of us will turn to the priest or pastor for counsel - but thank you for the suggestion.

I can only hope that once friends and family arrive, we can begin to understand and attempt to come to terms with the situation.

If needed, what kind of medications are normally prescribed for grief/anxiety?

I am a regular scanner of the boards and I knew that posting here I would encounter some nice people to lend a helping hand through cyberspace. Thanks again to all of you
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Old 11-22-2007, 11:35 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,596 posts, read 34,556,906 times
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2 very good friend lost their wives, and a friend/coworker was killed in a motorcycle accident this summer. Was kinda rough around here. I still think about them nearly every day. You just have to accept it and remember the good times etc. Does no good to blame yourself for anything.
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Old 11-22-2007, 11:38 PM
 
Location: in drifts of snow wherever you go
2,493 posts, read 3,061,744 times
Reputation: 692
Quote:
Originally Posted by sliver203 View Post
First, thanks for the kind words.

As I said, everything is fresh - we are waiting for other friends to arrive here so maybe company and a shoulder to lean on will help. It's very depressing, especially since the two dogs are here.

We are not very religious and it's unlikely either one of us will turn to the priest or pastor for counsel - but thank you for the suggestion.

I can only hope that once friends and family arrive, we can begin to understand and attempt to come to terms with the situation.

If needed, what kind of medications are normally prescribed for grief/anxiety?

I am a regular scanner of the boards and I knew that posting here I would encounter some nice people to lend a helping hand through cyberspace. Thanks again to all of you
That's terrible. How sad for those poor dogs who won't see their mom again. I hate to ask, but what exactly happened? This poor woman was out driving to see family for Thanksgiving and something terrible happened? I'm sure everyone is in shock. What a thing to have happen.
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