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Good, I don't feel so weird. I recently passed the 14th anniversary of my father's death, and I was at my mom's for her 85th birthday and looking at his picture, and I just felt so sad all over again. He lived to be 78 and would be 92 if he were still alive, but I just still miss him.
Going to my mom's house can do that. I ended up living there for a while after my divorce and raised my daughter in a multi-generational home with my parents, my grandmother, and my brother there. He was also divorced and his daughter would come on the weekends. Now my father, grandmother, and brother are all dead, my daughter is grown and in another state, and I live alone sixty miles from my hometown because I can't afford to live in that area anymore. I just miss those days of having family around, but they are gone forever.
Sometimes what lies ahead just seems like an endless stretch of nothing.
I understand; it took me at least 15 years to stop thinking "I wish Mom or Daddy were still around to see this". Especially when my son was born, they never got to meet my son. Daddy died in 1985, my grandparents were murdered in 1986, and my Mom died in 1987. I had lost my whole older generation within 3 years and it was tough. And now, within the last five years my two older brothers have passed away. There are only me and my two sisters left from our family.
I just take it one day at a time and remain grateful for the people I still have around to love me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
Good, I don't feel so weird. I recently passed the 14th anniversary of my father's death, and I was at my mom's for her 85th birthday and looking at his picture, and I just felt so sad all over again. He lived to be 78 and would be 92 if he were still alive, but I just still miss him.
Going to my mom's house can do that. I ended up living there for a while after my divorce and raised my daughter in a multi-generational home with my parents, my grandmother, and my brother there. He was also divorced and his daughter would come on the weekends. Now my father, grandmother, and brother are all dead, my daughter is grown and in another state, and I live alone sixty miles from my hometown because I can't afford to live in that area anymore. I just miss those days of having family around, but they are gone forever.
Sometimes what lies ahead just seems like an endless stretch of nothing.
Maggie, I am SO sorry to hear what happened to you in just 3 short years.
MQ, you are NOT weird. My maternal g/mother died in 1972 and my mom would still cry once in a while over her and my Bampa's death. He died in 1968. So all this sadness can only be contained and controlled not gone.
The bolded is how I feel too. Just going one day to another.
Good, I don't feel so weird. I recently passed the 14th anniversary of my father's death, and I was at my mom's for her 85th birthday and looking at his picture, and I just felt so sad all over again. He lived to be 78 and would be 92 if he were still alive, but I just still miss him.
Going to my mom's house can do that. I ended up living there for a while after my divorce and raised my daughter in a multi-generational home with my parents, my grandmother, and my brother there. He was also divorced and his daughter would come on the weekends. Now my father, grandmother, and brother are all dead, my daughter is grown and in another state, and I live alone sixty miles from my hometown because I can't afford to live in that area anymore. I just miss those days of having family around, but they are gone forever.
Sometimes what lies ahead just seems like an endless stretch of nothing.
That is so touching, especially the last sentence which is heart rending. I miss those days having family around, also; the hugging, every time we reunited (my family are big huggers, but not kissers-on-the lips), the family meals and tv and playing with the dogs. Someone to tell your dreams and ambitions to. Maybe we are lucky that we at least had that; some people don't ever have it, I think perhaps.
I keep wanting to return to the days when I was in college; I love going to school, being in school, and there are a number of different paths I could go--different degree programs that I think I might be good at. But I'm so tired and so depressed and ill most of the time, and think that I am probably too old and cynical to sit in a classroom any longer.
But I think we do have to find something productive, something that will contribute to our community and give us a sense of purpose.
This is no tragedy: my parents lived long and happy lives and did not suffer terribly at the end--they just got old and died. I lost them both in the last 10 years. It just seems like I never stop missing them. Every time something good happens, I want to call mother up and tell her. And I miss my dad so much.
They were WWII generation (my dad was a navigator and bombardier on the B-26 Marauders during World War II) and I'm a 60's generation kid--so we had lots of disagreements--but I doubt I ever let a week go by, no matter were I was on the planet--without either calling or writing a letter. I miss them so much.
I don't believe in anything supernatural (not a Christian, or any other religion), so I don't have that comfort, and don't want it. That is my right as a free person in America, so please don't impose that on me. It is my opinion that if I see them at the moment of my death it will be an hallucination, but I would be delighted if it turns out I am wrong. Unlikely, though.
How do you deal with grief like this? There is no solution.
No there is no solution. Other than attending grief/bereavement groups or counselling. Once you lose a parent your life is forever changed. Even IF you weren't all that close.
And JSYK there is a recurring phenomenon of people with dementia and Alzheimer disease where their parents come and visit them in dreams. A very specific phenomenon because it is not the spouses but the parents. And in my client's case, her mother. Always. And they were not all that close like she was to her husband of 65 years.
It is much easier to expect the future after I die to be a big adventure and potentially run into the spirits of my dogs than to be bitter and assume there is no spirit afterlife. It has nothing to do with religion. And I say dogs because I have no interest in running into my parents. YMMV. If I'm wrong I won't have a clue so I enjoy my fantasy and having no fear of death.
That is so touching, especially the last sentence which is heart rending. I miss those days having family around, also; the hugging, every time we reunited (my family are big huggers, but not kissers-on-the lips), the family meals and tv and playing with the dogs. Someone to tell your dreams and ambitions to. Maybe we are lucky that we at least had that; some people don't ever have it, I think perhaps.
I keep wanting to return to the days when I was in college; I love going to school, being in school, and there are a number of different paths I could go--different degree programs that I think I might be good at. But I'm so tired and so depressed and ill most of the time, and think that I am probably too old and cynical to sit in a classroom any longer.
But I think we do have to find something productive, something that will contribute to our community and give us a sense of purpose.
I agree, and I'm not without that. I work full-time and I have other interests and meet people. But I've lived alone now for four years after never having lived alone for more than 50 and it might always be a little bit weird.
Take care of yourself and take care of those near you whom you love. Think of some things to do that honor and memorialize those who are gone. Set goals, if you feel like ahead is a stretch of nothing then set a goal for the next five minutes, then a goal for the next two hours, then so forth. When my father was about to leave this world he wrote out a list of ten goals and he checked off half of them before he died. I framed and hung it up in my new home.
I agree, and I'm not without that. I work full-time and I have other interests and meet people. But I've lived alone now for four years after never having lived alone for more than 50 and it might always be a little bit weird.
I'm sure you do; I was talking to myself. Every day I'm proud of the things I manage to get done, if only to do laundry, clean the kitty box, or write a few letters. I'd like to do something more substantial, but don't you think it's absurd for someone in their sixties to be in school.
I'm sure you do; I was talking to myself. Every day I'm proud of the things I manage to get done, if only to do laundry, clean the kitty box, or write a few letters. I'd like to do something more substantial, but don't you think it's absurd for someone in their sixties to be in school.
No, I can't think that because I might end up being in my sixties and going to school someday. Hehehe.
One of the people in my writers' group--a retired engineer, about 66, went to our local CC and took some courses last year in a subject that interested him. He said it was certainly weird, but he enjoyed it anyway.
I can appreciate what you wrote that I bolded. I am the same way. I often think I am wasting my days off, but if I list the things I actually did, I feel better.
No, I can't think that because I might end up being in my sixties and going to school someday. Hehehe.
One of the people in my writers' group--a retired engineer, about 66, went to our local CC and took some courses last year in a subject that interested him. He said it was certainly weird, but he enjoyed it anyway.
I can appreciate what you wrote that I bolded. I am the same way. I often think I am wasting my days off, but if I list the things I actually did, I feel better.
Well, community college is for that; I wouldn't feel odd or out of place there. But I'm talking about graduate degrees, the ones that take four or five years of intense work. However, to be truthful, I've been eccentric all my life and done exactly what I wanted to do, regardless of what people thought. It's really not that; it's more wondering if (a) it would be fair to take a TA or RA from a younger person; (b) the value of doing it if I have no intention of ever getting a job (i.e., working for anyone); (c) the physical concerns about sitting so long, getting to class, etc.
And while I'm deeply interested in the subject matter, and have already taken quite a lot of the coursework (before I quit to take care of my mom, and then I got cancer), a piece of it is psychological. But that's enough of off-topic remarks from me...
but don't you think it's absurd for someone in their sixties to be in school.
No. Love of learning can continue forever. In school it's just a guided, structured style.
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