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Old 11-26-2013, 10:44 AM
 
Location: West Coast of Europe
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Maybe he is a psychopath. I know that sounds horrible, but I read that there are many more psychopaths than one might think, most never become a problem though, but those close to them often do notice a certain coldness. Does your brother show other emotions like joy, compassion, etc?
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Old 11-26-2013, 10:44 AM
 
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I'm sorry for your losses.

People, especially men, don't always outwardly express their grief and pain. That's how everyone in my family is.
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Old 11-26-2013, 10:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Orion2 View Post
It was exactly a week ago today that I took our dog to the vet for what I expected would be a routine issue and the vet told me it was time to make the decision to euthanize him. It was supposedly my brother's dog so I called him and asked if he'd like to be there. He said he didn't have time, he was at the doctor's office although I told him the vet was willing to wait he declined.

That same day he asked about getting another dog. I wasn't surprised, I know my brother. I pointed out our other dog is possessive and wouldn't accept a new dog easily, it would have to be a puppy. On Saturday we adopted a rescue puppy. He's adorable but my heart is heavy missing our old dog and thinking how hard his life might have been at the end.

Then today I received a note from my niece saying that a month to the day after her dad, my former brother-in-law died, her mom, my sister died. My brother wasn't home when I read it so I processed it alone for a couple of hours. When I told my brother he had no visible reaction. He didn't ask any questions and went on about the evening as if nothing happened. I don't know if he feels anything at all over our sister's death. It was only the 3 of us left, our parents died some time ago and our extended family has never been close.

We weren't close with our sister, she was 18 years older than me and my brother is 8 years my senior so we were all basically only children. But I am always find it difficult to understand my brother's seeming lack of emotion when someone/thing he claims to love dies. He has no outward show of emotion and doesn't seem to change his behavior. There have been many terrible events in our family so I think he may have learned not to care, I don't know but it disturbs me.

I'm very sad and feel the world is not as kind or gentle now that my sister is no longer in it. I hold my early memories of her close and am thankful she was part of my life. I regret that life was not kinder and more gentle to her.
Everyone handles a loss differently. Attributing anything to about this subject onto someone else takes away from the both of you.

His grief isn't for your benefit and you have no right to judge how another feels about a loss such as you've described.

Why can't you simply let him handle the loss as he sees fit? For all you know he wept in private and here you are judging him because he didn't put on a show for you. That is about as selfish as it gets.
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Old 11-26-2013, 10:48 AM
 
32,778 posts, read 22,735,981 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neuling View Post
Maybe he is a psychopath. I know that sounds horrible, but I read that there are many more psychopaths than one might think, most never become a problem though, but those close to them often do notice a certain coldness. Does your brother show other emotions like joy, compassion, etc?

That is quite a jump. And are you sure psychopath is the word you're looking for and not sociopath?
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Old 11-26-2013, 10:53 AM
 
Location: West Coast of Europe
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Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
That is quite a jump. And are you sure psychopath is the word you're looking for and not sociopath?
Yes, I meant psychopath because they lack empathy, it is a kind of malfunction in their brains...
As I said, I know that word sounds harsh, but I guess that has to do with the fact that usually we associate psychopaths with criminals thanks to movies and TV programs. Most of them lead normal lives, though, never become criminals...
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:25 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,324,631 times
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Dear me. How this has jumped to an assertion that someone may be a psychopath - simply b/c he is not outwardly vocal about losing a dog and a family member is a totally unjustified leap. <eeeeeek>


OP has fond memories of her sister and feels the world is a bit less kind with her sister no longer in it.

However, we have no idea what OP's brother was/is feeling. Perhaps he was not that close to his sister and all he is thinking is . . . well, life goes on.

And life does go on. We can experience a sense of loss and have all sorts of internal feelings without verbalizing it to anyone.

But in the end, no matter what we are feeling . . . life goes on. Perhaps that is how OP's brother is processing things . . . and his private feelings and thoughts are his own -- and he just doesn't feel the need to share them.
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:45 AM
 
2,226 posts, read 4,411,152 times
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I'm sorry for your loss...my best friend just lost her brother suddenly and unexpectedly and I flew back east for his memorial service. It must leave a very empty feeling to lose a sibling.

We're all different in how we grieve, as others have pointed out. In my family, I'm the one who holds it together during the crises and takes care of the matters that have to be dealt with, and then break down later when the reality really sets in and I'm not overwhelmed with other responsibilities. However, it's still obvious that I'm upset; I just don't cry or wail or fall apart. Oddly, I grieve sooner and harder over the loss of my pets, probably because there are fewer practical matters to attend to, and our relationships with pets are usually vastly less complicated that with those we're related to.
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Old 11-26-2013, 12:46 PM
 
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We all grieve in our own way and time. Your brother may be finding his grief intolerable and is blocking out the pain the only way he can. I wouldn't read too much into this. I seem to handle losses in a similar way and I can assure you I am no psychopath and I have deep feelings I keep to myself.

I am sorry for your losses OP.
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Old 11-26-2013, 12:54 PM
 
293 posts, read 356,414 times
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Sorry for your loss. Try this one on for size. Last grandparent died, diagnosed with bipolar disease, had my car stolen, lost my job, lost every penny I had, filed for Chapter 7, unemployment screwing me around and I have to ask my parents for money. All in six months. Not years. Months. Won't get a new car because I did not have comprehensive which the insurance company did not tell me I needed.
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Old 11-26-2013, 01:01 PM
 
Location: West Coast of Europe
19,865 posts, read 18,336,981 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bane1976 View Post
Sorry for your loss. Try this one on for size. Last grandparent died, diagnosed with bipolar disease, had my car stolen, lost my job, lost every penny I had, filed for Chapter 7, unemployment screwing me around and I have to ask my parents for money. All in six months. Not years. Months. Won't get a new car because I did not have comprehensive which the insurance company did not tell me I needed.
Gee, almost makes me feel bad for doing fine without deserving it

I hope your bad luck will turn into good luck asap, maybe we can help you somehow, there are lots of people on this board
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