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Old 12-06-2013, 02:27 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,740,923 times
Reputation: 7078

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This is my 5th Christmas without Bob. He died in October, but I had Andrew with me. My other three had long since empty-nested and were married w/children. #1 daughter moved to Florida in 1993 after her dh graduated from the USAir Force Academy; #2 daughter left home in 1995 to go to college; #3 son ran off to avoid the law in 2007, then Bob died in 2009. Now #4 son moved out this year as he felt he needed his own place (and so did I). The first three (in order) live in Papa, Hungary; Melbourne, FL and San Antonio, TX; so not very close. Andrew had carried everything in from the garage, but had to get back home (I drive him as he can't pass the written exam), and he didn't feel like staying. He was really excited about his first tree, and having the ornaments that were his as a child. He's just starting out and excited; I'm coming to the end of my decorating days, so it felt so mechanical decorating. This is a pre-lit, 8' tree and is on its last leg. Only one string of lights work, so I think I'll toss it for a smaller sized pre-lit one next year. I only put up the decorations that made me feel warm inside, and I won't do any baking, but Bob's sister Karen and her husband will be here for Christmas Eve (not our usual open presents day)...but they're going to one of her dearest childhood friend's for Christmas Day. Andrew will spend Monday night so he'll be here when they arrive, and Tuesday night so we can do "our" Christmas on Christmas Day. I'm also a little melancholy as my birthday is Tuesday. Bob's was 3 days after Halloween, and mine smack inbetween Thanksgiving and Christmas, so we each tried to make the other's Big Day as special as possible. I decided I want to go out this year so I won't have to cook, so Andrew and I are going to the Cheesecake Factory. That's another first. In Colorado we were over an hour from any town, and it was always snowing for our birthdays, so we stayed home. This will be different.....and fun, I think!
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Old 12-06-2013, 11:47 AM
 
8,440 posts, read 10,717,209 times
Reputation: 6201
Default It May Appear that way now, but .....who knows?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
After we got back from Colorado last Sunday, having had a beautiful and fun Thanksgiving, my son carried up all my Christmas decorations and tree from the garage. For the first time in my life, I'm decorating the house, and putting up the tree by myself. It has been really hard. Before, we as parents, with kids at home, made it a party to decorate the house and tree. As the kids moved on, we still made a party of it. After Bob died, and Andrew still lived here, it was a more subdued, bittersweet thing to decorate the tree, but still a family activity. Now, Andrew's in his own place...his personal ornaments are with him, he found a 3' pre-lit brand new tree at Goodwill for $2.99, and we're both now embarking on new traditions that are our own. I decorated the house, put the tree together (pre-lit fake tree) and decorated it, but so much of the love and joy was gone. It was just me, no one to share it with. In the four years since Bob died, this is the first time I've decorated the house and put up the tree all alone. If my sister-in-law and hubby weren't coming for Christmas, I'd wonder why I'm doing this.
Marcy,

I'm glad your Thanksgiving was good.

The tree is going to be interesting.......just keep an open mind. Little Christmas Miracles can occur because people are prepared. Of course it is different than before, but something amazing could happen with you and your little tree. Just a couple of examples would be what if a young family had their vehicle vandalized and lost everything for Christmas and we're stuck in your neighborhood? Would you invite them in?

Or a sick, single parent can't afford both a tree and a gift for her child. Would you share your tree?

The best possible would be having a brief visit from Bob . I wish I could give you and everyone else that gift we all want the most. Since I can't, I can ask what would Bob want you to do to create a new, positive memory?

Wishing you the best as you prepare for Christmas

MSR
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Old 12-06-2013, 11:55 AM
 
8,440 posts, read 10,717,209 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
Marcy, it is so difficult for most of us around this time of year, we have so many fond memories. Please know we understand and it is hard to do everything by ourselves. I am so happy you won't be spending Christmas alone, you will have your family with you.

I am not putting up my Christmas tree for two years in a row. First of all, it weighs a ton, I need help, second of all, it is just me and I think I would not do well because my husband loved the Christmas tree. All our married life, we did not have a Christmas tree, he would not allow it. When he came down with Alzheimer's he had forgotten he did not like Christmas trees. So, I went out and bought a artificial and he just loved it. It has its own lights. I can put it up in seconds. I made our house festive. He had a smile on his face when I decorated it. Sure made me happy to see him happy.

This Christmas Eve I plan to go to Laughlin, my husband and I spent many years during the holidays there and I will meet CA for the first time. I haven't felt this much life in me for years. We will go out to eat to a nice restaurant and take in a movie. I am so happy.

Marcy, Tam, CA, you embraced me from the start and I felt nurtured and so I thank you so much.

Wishing you all Happy Holidays.
Woo hoo, Smilin! Good for you and CA for making plans and starting new traditions

Is this the casino she needs to get back to, or wanted to get back to? If so, better yet that you can help make this desire happen

Enjoy creating a new tradition

MSR
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Old 12-06-2013, 11:59 AM
 
8,440 posts, read 10,717,209 times
Reputation: 6201
Default Nice Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by purplepeach View Post
I don't know if you are christian or not, but I recently learned the lights on your tree represent the light of Jesus. That is, darkness is the bad and evil, light is the love and good things in life. A little light in your house is a good thing for you. Try to envision yourself as a conductor of His light, lighting your tree and bringing good to others. I hope this helps.
What a nice post, purplepeach.

Thanks for sharing it with us.

I hope you have a gentle, kind, peaceful and loving Christmas

MSR
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Old 12-06-2013, 12:02 PM
 
8,440 posts, read 10,717,209 times
Reputation: 6201
Default Cool Plans

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
This is my 5th Christmas without Bob. He died in October, but I had Andrew with me. My other three had long since empty-nested and were married w/children. #1 daughter moved to Florida in 1993 after her dh graduated from the USAir Force Academy; #2 daughter left home in 1995 to go to college; #3 son ran off to avoid the law in 2007, then Bob died in 2009. Now #4 son moved out this year as he felt he needed his own place (and so did I). The first three (in order) live in Papa, Hungary; Melbourne, FL and San Antonio, TX; so not very close. Andrew had carried everything in from the garage, but had to get back home (I drive him as he can't pass the written exam), and he didn't feel like staying. He was really excited about his first tree, and having the ornaments that were his as a child. He's just starting out and excited; I'm coming to the end of my decorating days, so it felt so mechanical decorating. This is a pre-lit, 8' tree and is on its last leg. Only one string of lights work, so I think I'll toss it for a smaller sized pre-lit one next year. I only put up the decorations that made me feel warm inside, and I won't do any baking, but Bob's sister Karen and her husband will be here for Christmas Eve (not our usual open presents day)...but they're going to one of her dearest childhood friend's for Christmas Day. Andrew will spend Monday night so he'll be here when they arrive, and Tuesday night so we can do "our" Christmas on Christmas Day. I'm also a little melancholy as my birthday is Tuesday. Bob's was 3 days after Halloween, and mine smack inbetween Thanksgiving and Christmas, so we each tried to make the other's Big Day as special as possible. I decided I want to go out this year so I won't have to cook, so Andrew and I are going to the Cheesecake Factory. That's another first. In Colorado we were over an hour from any town, and it was always snowing for our birthdays, so we stayed home. This will be different.....and fun, I think!
I like your plans Marci!

MSR
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Old 12-06-2013, 06:59 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,637,625 times
Reputation: 2047
Thank you MSR, yes I am quite excited about meeting CA, after a year of communicating back and forth. I love her like a sister I always wanted but never had. Upon meeting, I told her I want to shop at Smart and Final, so she is going with me. You can see my life is not very exciting...LOL!!

Marci, the CheeseCake Factory is my FAVORITE. I was a realtor in California, in a office of 50 agents and there was a couple there in their 60's whose daughter got a job working at the first restaurant of Cheesecake Factory in Hollywood, managing the kitchen. The owner hired her to train all of the staff after he opened up a restaurant and by 1988, he had opened four restaurants, he was paying her $100K back then and she got a car phone (big deal back then) and if the restaurant she opened gross so much the first year, her bonus was a two week trip to anywhere she wanted to travel. Her parents owned a small house in Whittier and she lived in a huge house in Hollywood Hills and wanted for her parents to come live with her. So they were selling their house at the time they told me about their daughter. I have missed her twice after two Cheesecake Factories opened, she had just left. I can only imagine what kind of money she makes now. I have been in the one in Redondo Beach, CA and Scottsdale, AZ. They both are elaborate. The one in Redondo Beach over-looks the ocean.
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Old 12-10-2013, 07:36 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
This is my 5th Christmas without Bob. He died in October, but I had Andrew with me. My other three had long since empty-nested and were married w/children. #1 daughter moved to Florida in 1993 after her dh graduated from the USAir Force Academy; #2 daughter left home in 1995 to go to college; #3 son ran off to avoid the law in 2007, then Bob died in 2009. Now #4 son moved out this year as he felt he needed his own place (and so did I). The first three (in order) live in Papa, Hungary; Melbourne, FL and San Antonio, TX; so not very close. Andrew had carried everything in from the garage, but had to get back home (I drive him as he can't pass the written exam), and he didn't feel like staying. He was really excited about his first tree, and having the ornaments that were his as a child. He's just starting out and excited; I'm coming to the end of my decorating days, so it felt so mechanical decorating. This is a pre-lit, 8' tree and is on its last leg. Only one string of lights work, so I think I'll toss it for a smaller sized pre-lit one next year. I only put up the decorations that made me feel warm inside, and I won't do any baking, but Bob's sister Karen and her husband will be here for Christmas Eve (not our usual open presents day)...but they're going to one of her dearest childhood friend's for Christmas Day. Andrew will spend Monday night so he'll be here when they arrive, and Tuesday night so we can do "our" Christmas on Christmas Day. I'm also a little melancholy as my birthday is Tuesday. Bob's was 3 days after Halloween, and mine smack inbetween Thanksgiving and Christmas, so we each tried to make the other's Big Day as special as possible. I decided I want to go out this year so I won't have to cook, so Andrew and I are going to the Cheesecake Factory. That's another first. In Colorado we were over an hour from any town, and it was always snowing for our birthdays, so we stayed home. This will be different.....and fun, I think!
Marcy....Happy belated birthday! How did your day go? I hope you found a way to spoil yourself...Hope you have fun with your SIL and family and son on Christmas Eve and day.
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Old 12-10-2013, 07:52 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mtn. States Resident View Post
Woo hoo, Smilin! Good for you and CA for making plans and starting new traditions

Is this the casino she needs to get back to, or wanted to get back to? If so, better yet that you can help make this desire happen

Enjoy creating a new tradition

MSR
Thanks MSR! Smilin and I are "doing Christmas" at a different casino. (Not the one packed full of family memories.)...Well, all of the casinos have memories for me. This whole area is "power-packed" with memories of my former life with my family...But I'm still looking forward to making new memories this Christmas with Smilin...I hope you do okay at Christmas. Will you spend the day with friends and family members? I think you mentioned that Crick's birthday was (is) on Christmas day. This must be rough...Sending you a BIG Christmas hug across the miles!
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Old 12-10-2013, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
Thank you MSR, yes I am quite excited about meeting CA, after a year of communicating back and forth. I love her like a sister I always wanted but never had. Upon meeting, I told her I want to shop at Smart and Final, so she is going with me. You can see my life is not very exciting...LOL!!

Marci, the CheeseCake Factory is my FAVORITE. I was a realtor in California, in a office of 50 agents and there was a couple there in their 60's whose daughter got a job working at the first restaurant of Cheesecake Factory in Hollywood, managing the kitchen. The owner hired her to train all of the staff after he opened up a restaurant and by 1988, he had opened four restaurants, he was paying her $100K back then and she got a car phone (big deal back then) and if the restaurant she opened gross so much the first year, her bonus was a two week trip to anywhere she wanted to travel. Her parents owned a small house in Whittier and she lived in a huge house in Hollywood Hills and wanted for her parents to come live with her. So they were selling their house at the time they told me about their daughter. I have missed her twice after two Cheesecake Factories opened, she had just left. I can only imagine what kind of money she makes now. I have been in the one in Redondo Beach, CA and Scottsdale, AZ. They both are elaborate. The one in Redondo Beach over-looks the ocean.
I love the CheeseCake Factory too...Too bad the closest one (to me) is 100-plus miles away. (Up in Vegas.)...Looking forward to seeing you on Christmas Eve and day! Thanks for driving up to visit with me Smilin! We'll have fun...We can paint the town "red!" Instead of "feeling blue!" YEA!!!
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Old 12-10-2013, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Long Island
716 posts, read 964,487 times
Reputation: 604
The holidays are hard for me as well. I lost my mother over 3 years ago. My mother loved holidays. She'd put on Christmas music (even her old cassette tapes) and put up the tree, the decorations. We never had much in our family in the way of owning a house, but my mother went out of her way to make whatever place we lived in at the time was a beautiful place.

When my mom passed, I wanted to keep up the tradition. It was a way to keep her memory alive. The first two years were just my sister and I living together.

Since I've moved out with my boyfriend and into our new home, I have new memories to make with the love of my life, but I also know that by decorating at Christmas, I am keeping my mom's love with me. She would've loved to see all the decorations up, the tree lit and the music playing.

I usually have a few tears in my eyes while doing it, but I think of them as tears that encompass her memory.

Wishing you Happy Holidays and may they be joyous ones with family and friends.
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