U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
View Poll Results: Is it weird/disturbing not to bawl when a close relative dies?
Yes, it kinda means you didn't love them 3 2.33%
No, people process loss in their own way 126 97.67%
Voters: 129. You may not vote on this poll

Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-27-2013, 11:04 PM
 
Location: North Texas
23,599 posts, read 31,135,299 times
Reputation: 26656

Advertisements

I don't cry. I haven't cried in years. Literally. Unless I have something in my eye or I'm chopping onions.

People say I'm very flat emotionally. I do have Asperger's, but Aspies can cry. I can feel sadness and loss, obviously; I'm not a robot. But I don't cry, even when I'm really sad. I get angry and irritable instead.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-28-2013, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Dalton
1 posts, read 1,800 times
Reputation: 10
Every person has they own way of showing emotion.. I was closest to my grand father , when i heard he passed away , i laughed. And i couldnt stop laughing, until i seen his body.. It deff was not funny to me, i guess it was my way of dealing with it, not wanting to believe it .. Every person is diff in everyway and we all show emotions on a diff level
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2014, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,489 posts, read 11,474,558 times
Reputation: 20964
As someone mentioned a child dying is a different type of grief and emotion, its more unexpected , unfair and so sad..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2014, 07:27 PM
 
2,096 posts, read 3,651,393 times
Reputation: 1213
Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
As someone mentioned a child dying is a different type of grief and emotion, its more unexpected , unfair and so sad..
I'd say the same for a young adult too. I don't find a 25 yo dying much less sad than a 5 year old.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2014, 09:39 PM
 
26,163 posts, read 14,453,442 times
Reputation: 17235
Quote:
Originally Posted by belmont22
I remember when my grandma died I didn't cry at all
Well really when someone dies,THEY ARE SIMPLY ENTERING A DIFFERENT PHASE...... They are still there spiritually,thats one reason 1 might not cry because they know they still exist


Im sorry about your grandma
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2014, 10:25 PM
 
607 posts, read 1,107,268 times
Reputation: 1088
I had a great Uncle who died about a year and a half ago. I didn't cry at his funeral. At the same time, he wasn't a nice person, treated his own family members like crap, very cold-hearted and just had a very unhappy and negative outlook on life. The only time I felt any sadness for the man was when I heard that he died a very painful death. Regardless of how mean of a person he was, I never wish that on anybody. There were a grand total of about 10 people at his funeral, myself included. For this, I felt more pity towards him than anything else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2014, 12:04 AM
 
26,163 posts, read 14,453,442 times
Reputation: 17235
Im sorry your family didnt have a nice time with him
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2014, 09:58 PM
 
Location: kS.
505 posts, read 460,588 times
Reputation: 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by belmont22 View Post
I remember when my grandma died I didn't cry at all, and was very composed at the funeral. Honestly I just felt more bored, and sad for my mom and everyone else who was crying, more than anything. I actually felt a little bit annoyed at all the sobbing, honestly, though I felt bad that I felt that way. It sort of bothered me, I almost wondered if I was a sociopath or something and incapable of feeling deep connections with people, but now that I think about it I think I just processed it differently from most of the other people in my family. My brother didn't cry at the funeral either, though he did afterwards and when he heard about her passing. My grandma lived a great life and her mind was starting to go. Of course I wish she could live forever, and I do miss her and dream she's still with us sometimes, but yeah.

I definitely think I'll cry whenever my parents go though. Hopefully it's not for a long, long long time.


One day it happened; I got the phone call everyone dreads and hopes will never come. It was one of my aunts on the other end: "You'd better come home right away- your mother is very, very sick." Indeed she was- with stage 4 cancer: lukemia. I made arrangements to leave work, my wife and I packed a few things and made the 650 mile trip to Des Moines, Iowa from Western Kansas. She was an extremely stubborn woman and had not told anyone about her diagnosis. She always told us in cases like this that she didn't want people to worry. That's all well and good but it doesn't allow others to pray for the one that is sick in the meantime. She was gone within 3 weeks time.
The first hour after we arrived produced the miracle I had prayed for some 20 years. There were sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews from all over in the hospital room at the time. After all the greetings and hello's the room cleared out. Only my mother lying at death's doorstep, myself and my wife remained in the room. The others left so that my wife and I could have some precious alone time with her. I asked my mom point blank if she was ready to stand before God and be judged for her sins and her life. She said no. I asked her if she was ready to repent and receive forgiveness for her sins and to accept Jesus as her Lord and Savior. She said yes. I lead her in a short sinner's prayer and she was saved. This woman had lost her husband (my dad) while she was 5 to 6 months pregnant with me. He died in a truck crash in the wee hours of the morning. I had been praying for her salvation since I was saved when I was27. To the best of my knowledge, she had totally abandon her Catholic faith; had not prayed or asked for forgiveness or read the Bible or attended church for almost 50 years! She blamed God for the premature death of her husband, leaving her pregnant and already with a one and a half year old boy, my brother. She was a widow at a very young age with very little income and her whole life ahead of her. I don't know that she ever even acknowledged God's existence after this, although I knew that she believed in Him. I remember many, many poker and drinking parties in our apartments as she turned to alcohol for comfort instead of God.
Many of you know just how hard it is to watch a loved one die right before your eyes. I held up extremely well for the first week, wanting to be strong for her. I stayed right by her bedside holding her hand and stroking her soft, gray/white hair. We talked for hours. I went this whole time without shedding a tear. One day a different aunt came in the room and I lost it. I broke down and cried but only just for a few minutes. You know how big, strong men are: suppressing their feelings and certainly would not be seen crying in front of people, even if they are relatives. I was the typical hard-hearted male of the species so I forced myself to stop. Looking back, I could see that it was not nearly enough to let out all the sadness, grief and sorrow I felt seeing her dying and then passing away. When we go through this end of life period, it is a time of high stress and anxiety and is highly emotional. I needed to let all that out but suppressed it all internally. The joy of her salvation on her death bed overwhelmed my need to shed tears, I guess. I mean, how can you cry when the woman who raised you has gained eternal life after 50 years of disobedience, right?
As the weeks and months passed I still had not had that deep, heart-felt cry that one needs to have. I firmly believe that we are hard-wired at birth by God to have this experience. Yet, there I was months and months later and still could not weep for my dead mother's passing. I thought about her all time and still I did not cry. No tears came. I mean, even the most cold-hearted serial killer would weep over the death of his own mother, right? Not me, even though I knew I needed to. So what does that make me? I had begun to feel guilty about it many months before and now it was tearing at my heart and mind. Brothers and sisters, this is not of the Kingdom of God- it is a tool of our adversary the devil. He will use every tool available to him against us, including our own emotions. I began to pray about it seriously then.
One night a few days later, I had a dream. It was given to me by my loving Father in heaven. Looking back at it, it reminds me of the story in the Bible where word comes to Jesus that His friend Lazarus is dying. Jesus went about His business for a few days then told His disciples and Apostles that they would make the trip to see Lazarus. Jesus, knowing after a season that Lazarus had passed from this life, told them "Our friend sleepeth; but I go that I may awake him out of sleep." His disciples said, "If he sleeps he does well!" They did not know what Jesus knew. In John 11:14 Jesus says plainly to them, "Lazarus is dead." My dream was very much like this. I'm in the hospital hallway. My wife is by my side again and I'm standing face to face with my aunt (the first one who phoned me.) She is looking me straight in the eyes and says to me plainly, "Your mother is dead." Unable to deny it or put it off any longer, I broke down and cried. I broke down totally and completely. I cried and I cried and I cried. Then I cried some more; and some more. It was not a superficial expression of sadness, but the deep soul cleansing mourning my emotions, my heart and my very spirit and soul needed. In my dream it seemed to last for hours; days even. It put a reality and a finality to her death. We all need to have this experience so that we, the living, can go forward with our own lives. When I awoke, needless to say I remembered the dream vividly and completely. I actually woke up smiling and refreshed! I had wept, grieved and mourned the death of my mother as God intends for us to do. The only difference was that I did it in a dream given to me by God. What an awesome God we serve! Seeing that I could not or would not cry on my own He blessed me and met my needs in a dream!
I believe God had me tell you this because someone else needs it. You need to hear this. When God moves in our lives like this we need to testify of it so others will believe, but also to edify the church. It can help others in ways we don't even know of. We are the light of the world. "A city that is set upon a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel (basket), but on a candle stick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven" (Matt. 5:14-16). Perhaps you are a father grieving over the loss of a child because of a suicide, drug overdose or accident. Many mothers are so stricken by grief that they never recover. Many parents never recover. Their marriage falls apart and some blame the other. It's not natural to NEVER get past the death or loss of a child or other loved one. Perhaps they were kidnapped or ran away. Some died of cancer or some other sickness. Maybe you are a brother or sister; aunt, uncle or other relative. There's a reason you are reading this. God is reaching out to you right now. He wants you to know that He loves you very, very deeply and your children equally. He knows your pain and your suffering and your loss. But it's been long enough. He's telling you that it's ok. You can let go now and move forward with your life. Life is a precious gift and you still have yours to live. The people around you and who love you need you to move on. You need to do this for them; and for yourself. You were not meant to be a slave to your emotions of sorrow and grief. He's here right now to help you overcome this. It's ok to stop. He's collected all the tears that clouded your eyes and ran down your cheek and He waits to hold you in His arms. John 14:27- "Peace I leave with you, MY peace I give to you. Not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." Receive that heavenly peace now and praise your Holy God and Father in heaven. "These things I have spoken to you that My joy might remain in you and that your joy might be full" (John 15:11). You can have peace and joy again; God is offering it to you. Receive God's peace and joy and move forward now. Choose life.
God bless you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2014, 12:37 AM
 
Location: SoCal
5,705 posts, read 4,278,721 times
Reputation: 1855
No--some people are much more capable of crying (a lot, at least) than other people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2014, 02:17 AM
 
Location: Louisville KY
3,928 posts, read 3,540,259 times
Reputation: 3088
I dont waste time crying over the dead or anything else for the matter. People are way too emotional. Meh, simply put; I dont care.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top