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View Poll Results: Is it weird/disturbing not to bawl when a close relative dies?
Yes, it kinda means you didn't love them 3 2.33%
No, people process loss in their own way 126 97.67%
Voters: 129. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
Old 01-10-2014, 10:43 AM
 
Location: West Coast of Europe
19,865 posts, read 18,308,470 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghostly1 View Post
I cry when I hear of children dying. That's it. I shed no tears when each of my parent's expectantly died within about a year of one another, nor for my grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. In fact, I believe the last time I cried because of a close death was for a beloved pet who had showed me unconditional love.

Is there something wrong with me?
No, I feel the same way. A pet is often so much closer than people somehow, the bond is tighter. I had to cry when my Internet friend's dog died from cancer. I had seen and touched the dog only once in real life.

But when my parents tell me that yet another relative has died (getting rarer as there is hardly anyone left), I don't really feel anything. I assume I will be sad when my mother dies, but I have thought about life and death so much that I have a rather objective attitude. I guess I will be more sad for myself, knowing I will never again be able to depend on my mom's unconditional support etc.

Oddly, I am more likely to cry for other reasons. Yesterday for instance there was a documentary on an old Portuguese actor. He is almost 90 now, and as they were showing parts of his b/w movies of the 40's and as he was standing there alone on the stage of the empty theater where he started his career 72 years ago, reminiscing, knowing his life is basically over, I felt very sad somehow...
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Old 01-10-2014, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Duluth, Minnesota, USA
7,653 posts, read 14,747,741 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by belmont22 View Post
I remember when my grandma died I didn't cry at all, and was very composed at the funeral. Honestly I just felt more bored, and sad for my mom and everyone else who was crying, more than anything. I actually felt a little bit annoyed at all the sobbing, honestly, though I felt bad that I felt that way. It sort of bothered me, I almost wondered if I was a sociopath or something and incapable of feeling deep connections with people, but now that I think about it I think I just processed it differently from most of the other people in my family. My brother didn't cry at the funeral either, though he did afterwards and when he heard about her passing. My grandma lived a great life and her mind was starting to go. Of course I wish she could live forever, and I do miss her and dream she's still with us sometimes, but yeah.

I definitely think I'll cry whenever my parents go though. Hopefully it's not for a long, long long time.
Everybody is different in the way they grieve.

I don't think I cried at all when my paternal grandpa died. Although I was often in contact with him, my maternal grandparents are far closer to me. And I didn't cry when his wife passed away about a year ago, though I regret intensely not seeing her in the old folks' home I passed every day on the way back from campus. "Next time, tomorrow" I always said, for about five and a half years. Got a gift for her in 2011, but we ate it.

I did cry when my father died, but only in seeing the reaction to his death and thinking ahead to the future. I was the first one to call 9-1-1, and I generally am very rational and detached under conditions of a sudden emergency. (He passed away unexpectedly) Remembering the ambulance arriving, though, hits a heart-string. I was very, very close to him, although probably not as close to him as I am to my mother, who is by far the closest person to me.

I pray for all three of their souls regularly, and would ask you to do the same.
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Old 01-10-2014, 02:12 PM
 
16,301 posts, read 24,224,691 times
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Question is odd to begin with. Because they are related in no way means that they are loved. I have relatives I literately don't know, and sure don't have any love for them. Others I know but don't really like on a personal basis.
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Old 01-10-2014, 02:20 PM
 
Location: The #1 sunshine state, Arizona.
12,172 posts, read 15,004,541 times
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Grief has it's own time table. My father had been dead for quite a few years, I didn't really cry over his death, until one day I was at work talking to a customer on the phone who sounded like my father. After I hung up the phone, I sat at my desk and cried. Those tears came out of no where.
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Old 01-10-2014, 11:19 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
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When my grandfather died, I cried for days. I was very close to him and I was also his favorite grand child.

However, I don't believe that how hard a person cry is directly linked to how much you love the person. Everybody processes grief in his or her own ways. My cousin didn't cry for my grandfather, but he really loved my grandpa as well. He numbed the pain by not mentioning my grandpa's name for a very long time, he also tried to numb the pain by keeping himself busy. I on the other hand, stayed in bed for several days without eating and drinking. We dealt with grief very differently.

Grief is a very lonely journey and is highly individual. It is important not to judge a person who goes through grief. Avoid judgmental languages like, "It has been so long, get over it." "If you really love him, why don't you cry?" We don't know the grief others carrying around on daily basis. It is important to be supportive.
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Old 01-11-2014, 11:04 AM
 
Location: WY
4,908 posts, read 3,485,331 times
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I was living in Canada when I got a call from Australia telling me that my sister had breast cancer. She was 28 at the time and didn't make it to 29. When I got the call that my sister had died I hung up the phone and my oldest son Sean (who was only about 8 at the time) asked me what was wrong. I told him and he looked at me and said "it's OK to cry mom". I gently told him that I knew it was OK, and that I would cry for her when I was ready. And then I went and cleaned out the hall closet.

It was three months before I could cry for her. As others have said, everybody is different, everybody's reaction to grief is personal, people's relationships with relatives are all different. There is no right or wrong answer to your question and no one answer to your question.
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Old 01-13-2014, 12:47 AM
 
Location: Titusville, Florida, United States
69 posts, read 52,612 times
Reputation: 102
I felt nothing when my mother died and I was home alone with her while she slowly died.

My dad was a wreak, so I had to take the reigns, it was only after she was cremated and we had her memorial did I finally break down and grieved hard.
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Old 03-11-2014, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Louisville KY
3,928 posts, read 3,540,259 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dude111 View Post
You dont care if someone you love cant be with you anymore??
What would the point be? I care about them dying, I don't care that they are dead, because nothing will bring them back, all the emotion and things are done only in vail. There is nothing you can do for death but hope they come back in your life, in your life time when their spirit returns to this world- if it does.
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Old 03-11-2014, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Orlando
1,791 posts, read 2,383,076 times
Reputation: 6399
I used to cry a lot, for no good reason. And I mean, really cry, sobbing, nose running, all that -- at sad movies! On the other hand, sometimes when I was laughing I'd completely lose control as well. Frankly, it was embarrassing. A year ago, I started taking a mild antidepressant, and the most obvious effect has been that I don't cry any more and I don't experience out-of-control laughter any more.

So when my husband, whom I loved very much, passed away three weeks ago after suffering from Parkinson's Disease and other health issues for over four years, I cried at the moment he died, but since then, no tears have come. I'm thinking it must be the medication, and I'm thankful for it. The extreme highs and extreme lows I used to experience were painful.
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Old 03-11-2014, 01:12 PM
 
1,373 posts, read 2,359,974 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaxRhapsody View Post
I dont waste time crying over the dead or anything else for the matter. People are way too emotional. Meh, simply put; I dont care.
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