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View Poll Results: Is it weird/disturbing not to bawl when a close relative dies?
Yes, it kinda means you didn't love them 3 2.33%
No, people process loss in their own way 126 97.67%
Voters: 129. You may not vote on this poll

Old 03-12-2014, 07:36 AM
26,163 posts, read 14,453,442 times
Reputation: 17235


Originally Posted by JaxRhapsody
What would the point be? I care about them dying, I don't care that they are dead, because nothing will bring them back, all the emotion and things are done only in vail. There is nothing you can do for death but hope they come back in your life, in your life time when their spirit returns to this world- if it does.
Yeah ya have do have some good points there but its still sad!!
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Old 03-12-2014, 09:56 AM
395 posts, read 426,702 times
Reputation: 414
Sometimes people can't cry immediately. Sometimes it hits them later. Shock, maybe? Relief if the relative had suffered long?
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:11 AM
Location: Tampa, FL
2,164 posts, read 1,353,728 times
Reputation: 1975
I didn't cry when my Dad died. I'm the oldest, so I felt I "had to be strong" for Mom & my siblings. It was a strange feeling; not like I was doing it consciously at all....it wasn't until years later that I realized that that's what I was doing then.
I cried about 2 weeks later, as I rested my head on my cat's stomach, talking to her. Yeah, how weird, that a cat let me do that. But it was very calming. I miss that cat.
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Old 03-13-2014, 03:18 AM
1,001 posts, read 1,086,182 times
Reputation: 968
Originally Posted by belmont22 View Post
I remember when my grandma died I didn't cry at all, and was very composed at the funeral. Honestly I just felt more bored, and sad for my mom and everyone else who was crying, more than anything. I actually felt a little bit annoyed at all the sobbing, honestly, though I felt bad that I felt that way. It sort of bothered me, I almost wondered if I was a sociopath or something and incapable of feeling deep connections with people, but now that I think about it I think I just processed it differently from most of the other people in my family. My brother didn't cry at the funeral either, though he did afterwards and when he heard about her passing. My grandma lived a great life and her mind was starting to go. Of course I wish she could live forever, and I do miss her and dream she's still with us sometimes, but yeah.

I definitely think I'll cry whenever my parents go though. Hopefully it's not for a long, long long time.

I can understand your asking if it's weird not to cry if a relative dies.

I believe you have answered your own question when you wrote.

" I think I processed it differently from most of the other people
in my family."

I'm glad that you are thinking of crying whenever your parents go.
It's a relief valve & is good to let it out. But everybody does it
in their own way at a certain time or place.
I hope it's a long, long long time before it happens to your family,
friends or pets.

You will show it in your own unique way which is ok.
Others have different ways of showing it in their own unique way.

And that's ok too.

(it's very hard to lose a pet that's been with me for a long time.Even if I remind
myself that they have a shorter life span, it still hurts. I believe animal owners will relate)

Last edited by ranchodrive; 03-13-2014 at 03:41 AM..
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Old 03-13-2014, 01:00 PM
1,141 posts, read 1,326,141 times
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If you don't feel a loss over a death, chances are you won't cry. If you do feel a loss you may or may not cry. Each death is different. And we all grieve in different ways and times.
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Old 03-23-2014, 11:08 AM
Location: North Carolina
1,764 posts, read 2,223,841 times
Reputation: 1866
I think grief is a personal process, so what one person does is not necessarily what another does (or should do). I usually don't cry at funerals mainly because I have the task of doing something. I was responsible for all the arrangements for my paternal grandmother so there was no time to cry. My mother was hysterical at my maternal grandmother's funeral so, as the oldest, I had the responsibility of helping her get through it. I have been to other wakes and funerals and didn't cry either. I usually mourn in private. I don't notice how other people are responding for the most part so I wouldn't be suspicious of someone else not crying or someone being very emotional. As mentioned, there is no right or wrong way to handle it. It's just a part of life we all have to eventually face and however that best works for you, is fine.
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Old 03-23-2014, 12:20 PM
7,282 posts, read 8,380,090 times
Reputation: 11407
Why would not crying be weird? Some will cry immediately upon hearing the news, some will cry a short time later in private and some will cry a long time afterwards, maybe years or even decades.

Where is the need to classify when one cries as being "weird" or anything like that?

All such questions can be grouped into the category of some wanting to dictate to others how they live or put those people into categories because they don't subscribe or behave the way others expect.
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Old 03-23-2014, 12:28 PM
Location: USA
15 posts, read 11,221 times
Reputation: 18
I don't think so. It's a lot different if a person in his/her 70s or older dies than when it's a kid.
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Old 03-23-2014, 02:26 PM
13,004 posts, read 12,434,284 times
Reputation: 37231
I didn't cry when my grandmother died. She was 88 and had stage 4 lung cancer. She lived a long life, long enough to see the births of multiple great-grandchildren. She lived in her own house and drove her own car right up until the last few months. She was the hub around which our family turned for years. When she died after a fall, I was actually kind of relieved for her because she passed without any of the suffering I had seen with my other relatives who lived long enough to experience the end result of their cancers. Those deaths were not pretty. My grandmother was in some pain in her last couple weeks, but she was upbeat and happy. Everyone stopped by to say their goodbyes.

Other relatives were devastated, and I understood their pain to an extent. But on the other hand, I viewed what happened as the best possible outcome. I wanted to smack my relatives who were urging her to "fight to live" - really, what did they hope to accomplish by denying reality? Their neediness was just stress for my grandmother who knew she was going to disappoint them. The ironic part is that their extended presence in her room likely sped up her death, according to the nurses. She was always exhausted by the visits of those particular relatives, because they wouldn't let her sleep and kept her talking. It got so she would roll her eyes when she heard they were on their way. And yes, in retrospect, I am still a bit cranky on her behalf over their behavior.

My other grandmother died after over a decade in a nursing home, spending several of those years completely senile and confined to a wheelchair. While her passing was an end to suffering, I did find myself weeping inconsolably when she passed because I was so sad that her last years had so much suffering. She was a lovely, sweet woman, and she deserved a much happier end. (Yeah, I know almost everyone DOES deserve a happier end than they get, but it still made me cry.)
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Old 03-23-2014, 03:46 PM
6,221 posts, read 8,191,806 times
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To me it isn't weird. I just think of the good times with that person, not the part where they are gone. I celebrate someones life when they are gone, not sulk over the reality of life and death.
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