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View Poll Results: Is it weird/disturbing not to bawl when a close relative dies?
Yes, it kinda means you didn't love them 3 2.33%
No, people process loss in their own way 126 97.67%
Voters: 129. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-23-2014, 04:54 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 5,364,709 times
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I'm fairly sure I won't shed a tear over any of the arsehats who masquerade as my "family".
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Old 03-23-2014, 06:36 PM
 
Location: Sydney, Australia
10,053 posts, read 6,995,827 times
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I didn't cry when my grandma passed away. I was the most closest to her in my life, I loved her so much and I was her favourite.

I just too chocked, too petrified, to shed a tear or make a sound. It was the shock that got me (she died younger from a lung condition and we thought she'd make it).
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Old 03-23-2014, 07:46 PM
 
1,638 posts, read 2,471,026 times
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with not crying. Sometimes you simply don't have anything "left" in you for tears, other times you've already prepared for the death, or maybe you aren't much a crier. No big deal.

When my stepmother passed, it was very hard for me as she died from cancer 9 months after her diagnosis at 47. It was hard watching a healthy woman lose her life in front of us, and to prepare for her death. I cried a lot (mostly before her death). In a way, her death was a "release" for me. She was brave and ready, which I also believe helped me process it. I was a bit misty at the funeral, but I wasn't bawling, however I felt like I got it all out before she died... the funeral was my closure. I believe it probably happens this way for a lot of people.

When my grandparents died, I was upset, but I don't think I cried. I was young, but I knew my grandparents were elderly, lived a full life, and were for the most part ready to depart.

I don't think death should be terribly taboo...and it is for a lot of people. It's really part of life. It's okay to mourn, it's okay to mourn without tears. Like love and relationships, death is a different experience for everyone. I never judge people for how they mourn (or don't mourn).
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Old 03-24-2014, 12:56 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,764 posts, read 2,224,401 times
Reputation: 1866
Quote:
Originally Posted by lmw36 View Post
I don't think death should be terribly taboo...and it is for a lot of people. It's really part of life. It's okay to mourn, it's okay to mourn without tears. Like love and relationships, death is a different experience for everyone. I never judge people for how they mourn (or don't mourn).
This is very well said.

I remembering listening to the Bodyguard CD when my grandmother was dying of cancer. I was the only relative that was willing to help her so I was all alone as her caregiver and POA. She opted not to have any treatments so she went downhill very, very fast. I would listen to the CD at work (which was allowed) sometimes and some co-workers were so obnoxious about it saying that it was odd that I was not crying (basically, grieving the way they thought I should). Would it have been better for me to breakdown and not able to do my job? I really, really had a hard time doing everything for my grandmother without any family support or comfort at all and my nosey, snobby co-workers made it that much harder by judging the way I processed all that.

I'm glad to read there are others out there that understand this is an individual journey and there is not ONE *right* way to grieve.
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Old 10-22-2015, 06:22 AM
 
1 posts, read 611 times
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Smile Is it necessary to cry at close relative's funeral

See, My 6 months old nephew is in hospital and at the last stage. Everyone us crying badly and expecting me to cry. I haven't cried for the last 6 yrs and I believe I won't cry. But that doesn't mean I don't love him, I do and I love him very much. I am talking a lot to distract my mind and sometimes I keep silent. I believe it is my way for expressing my pain and sadness as I generally do these things when I feel bad about something.
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Old 10-22-2015, 08:32 AM
 
1,890 posts, read 1,131,706 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mack Knife View Post
Why would not crying be weird? Some will cry immediately upon hearing the news, some will cry a short time later in private and some will cry a long time afterwards, maybe years or even decades.

Where is the need to classify when one cries as being "weird" or anything like that?

All such questions can be grouped into the category of some wanting to dictate to others how they live or put those people into categories because they don't subscribe or behave the way others expect.
Great points!

Some people cry in private. Grief and sorrow are very private; and shock can prevent a person from showing any true emotions. Why are we always trying to judge other people, when they have a huge loss?

"Let it be," how about holding someone's hand, giving them a hug, a call, to see how they are doing? A note, a text, something to show we care, instead of judging what they SHOULD be feeling, or doing?

Last edited by mollygee; 10-22-2015 at 08:49 AM..
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Old 10-22-2015, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,505 posts, read 11,481,746 times
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As Ive got older I dont feel the same way with death that I did when younger... unless of course it was one of my own children or grandchildren. that would be different.
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Old 10-22-2015, 08:52 AM
 
Location: USA
2,431 posts, read 1,796,377 times
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I never do. I'm the kind to hold my feelings n emotions in.
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Old 10-22-2015, 11:03 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,541 posts, read 42,708,506 times
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Honest emotions are honest emotions. You do not need to perform a certain way for others. If you are like me, you might make it through a funeral, tearless, but then start sobbing at a Hallmark commercial.
I do not really feel comfortable around the histrionics of others, so I'd rather everyone just grieved quietly.
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Old 10-26-2015, 12:02 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
731 posts, read 521,493 times
Reputation: 1478
When will we as a society, get over it and cry if we want to, or not?
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