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I had a 98 year old great uncle who passed away 2 months ago and he had left a personal will stating his wishes. He didn't want any kind of funeral, religious or not.
His body was picked up by the mortuary and he was cremated the same day without anyone present, according to his wishes. His ashes were buried in his wife's grave with a few relatives present.
I think this is a great solution for someone that is an atheist like me and I think I would like the same.
My father was not an atheist, but he was an agnostic. He died September 12, 2012.
Many years before his death he donated his body to the Oklahoma University Willed Body Program and requested that there be no ceremony or funeral when the program was finished using his body. His wishes were fulfilled this past November. The university took care of his cremation. (We also had no memorial service after his death as per his wishes.)
All my immediate family and I have donated our bodies to the same program. My mother is the only one who has requested something different be done with her ashes, and my brother and I will fulfill those wishes when the time comes.
That was my fathers wish, I followed through. His reasoning was that everyone else he cared about was dead, wife, siblings and friends. All there was left was 1 friend, who was totally incapacitated....and, me...his daughter.
I did view him before he was cremated, placed a red rose between his hands. When he visited me he always brought a single red rose with him.
I can see why some would want to forego a big splashy funeral, but, this seems so cold. Its as if nobody got to say goodbye.
Yes, it could seem that way. I understand your thinking.
However, my father died from advanced Alzheimer's Disease after a very intense two year battle. We really lost him in 2010 when the progression of his Alzheimer's Disease began to intensify. I was certainly glad we had the funeral discussion many years earlier when he firmly made his wishes known to the family. We had also brought up the "saying good-bye" part. He was adamant about what he wanted.
When he became unresponsive and refused to eat, my family knew it was the end of his battle for life. I was with him almost every hour for the last six days of his life, and my mother and I were his main caregivers for two years before we had to place him in a care facility. (Even when he was in the care facility, my mom and I visited him for hours almost every single day.) We told him we loved him every single day, and before he died I told him I would take care of Mom and the family. I firmly believe he knew how much I loved and respected him. I am his first-born, and I was always Daddy's girl. I did what my dad wanted. Slowly, I am gaining peace even though I still miss Dad so much!
My husband wanted the same thing, no wake, no funeral, just cremation and he's gone. I respected his wishes and there was only me.
I have known several folks who handled things this way.
My husband is saying he might want something similar to that. We are still discussing. He studied for the priesthood and was a lay minister for over 25 years. So it isn't that he's not religious . . . he just wants things to be private and I respect that. It may be just a priest/minister and me . . . which may be what I will want, as well.
Not everyone wants a full service or even graveside rites or a memorial service.
There's no one right way to say goodbye. That said, the service isn't for the departed- it's for those left behind. When we take that into consideration, we make the best choices. Doesn't mean we have to plan anything we don't want, but it can mean saying/doing certain things before we die. That's the beauty of planning. It's the unexpected deaths that can leave the deepest scars. All the unknowns can leave such a burden on those we love.
Talk about it, plan for it, make your wishes known. It's a very loving thing to do.
My wife and I have each donated their body to a local medical college. Within 24 hours of death/notice, they pick the body up. Within a week or so the survivor will have some sort of a social gathering to remember the person. Me, I want music and drinking to remember me by. Her family will be a bit more somber.
The university also has a once a year service to remember those that donated their bodies for research.
One caveat. Most universities will only do local body pickup.
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