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I'm 29 now and lost my fiance to stage IV pancreatic cancer in November of 2012, after a year and a half fight. My entire life throughout his sickness was solely about taking care of him; juicing fruits and veggies for him throughout the day, researching holistic treatments along with the best clinical trials and treatments, keeping him comfortable, taking care of his bills and affairs. Flying back and forth to Johns Hopkins. Fearing for his life every second of the day. So long story short, I was a gigantic ball of stress during that time.
Once he passed, something snapped in me, and I went on a downward spiral of self-destructive behavior- I doubled my sexual partners count. I partied, and drank a lot. I feel like my friends sometimes think less of me because I went wild once Aaron died. But, I was depressed and searching for anything to fill the void.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of behavior following the loss of a SO?
29 or younger is terribly young to lose a SO to such a ravaging disease. I wouldn't think less of someone in your shoes no matter how they reacted. Being a caregiver is the hardest job on earth. As far as I'm concerned, whatever it takes to get you to the next stage of your life (short of crime) is understandable.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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I was 57, with four adult kids, three with spouses and children, and I went ballistic. My outlet was spending money. I bought, and bought and bought. And I ate. Everything and anything. For two solid years, I bought so much junk, it wasn't funny~~about $30K worth of stuff. And I was constantly stuffing my face~~trying to stuff down the feelings. It was awful, and finally my sister-in-law figuratively slapped me upside the head to show me what I was doing, and I crashed. I went to counselling for a while, and understood that I was beating myself up. Counselling, and a new, healthy perspective helped me so much.
29 or younger is terribly young to lose a SO to such a ravaging disease. I wouldn't think less of someone in your shoes no matter how they reacted. Being a caregiver is the hardest job on earth. As far as I'm concerned, whatever it takes to get you to the next stage of your life (short of crime) is understandable.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I agree with Dale, and I'm sure that deep down your friends understand (or at least, sort of understand or will start to understand).
I'm 29 now and lost my fiance to stage IV pancreatic cancer in November of 2012, after a year and a half fight. My entire life throughout his sickness was solely about taking care of him; juicing fruits and veggies for him throughout the day, researching holistic treatments along with the best clinical trials and treatments, keeping him comfortable, taking care of his bills and affairs. Flying back and forth to Johns Hopkins. Fearing for his life every second of the day. So long story short, I was a gigantic ball of stress during that time.
Once he passed, something snapped in me, and I went on a downward spiral of self-destructive behavior- I doubled my sexual partners count. I partied, and drank a lot. I feel like my friends sometimes think less of me because I went wild once Aaron died. But, I was depressed and searching for anything to fill the void.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of behavior following the loss of a SO?
What a tragedy to go through what you did and so young. I'm so sorry for your loss. I guess when you love someone, age makes no difference except that being younger, you felt like partying to forget your troubles and loss, instead of sitting at home like I think older women might tend to do.
As for your friends, maybe they were reading you wrong. You knew you were in a downward spiral, but on the outside it might have looked different to them. Maybe they thought you were partying your a** off because you were glad it was all over.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's a terrible thing to go through.
To answer your question, YES! I was 50 when I lost my wife suddenly and without warning. I didn't realize it at the time (hard to believe now), but I went bat-s**t-crazy. I'd lost a substantial amount of money a couple years before her death and was just getting that under control, then BAM! Unfortunately I still had great credit. For awhile. I basically quit working (self employed) and ran up over $400K on my credit cards traveling, trying to run away from the pain. Uh, oh yeah, and I quadrupled my sexual partners count. Taxes went unfiled. (No income anyway.) I lost interest in my life-long hobbies. I had to sell my retirement investments and take out a home mortgage just to get even. I was a mess for a few years. I was downright awful. I just wanted to join her.
I got over it. Life is better now. It's not what it was with her and it'll never be what it could have been with her, but at least I'm enjoying life again. You will too.
28 years and losing SO, how tragic for you and I am sorry for your loss.
We all process grief differently and although our stories are different our grief is heart felt and devastating.
I lost my husband of 38 years at 57 years old and he was all the family I had. I am now over the loss and my heart is not burdened with grief but it will take me awhile to get my *hit together, and I suspect we all can relate.
My best to you and I hope you are gentle and kind to yourself and don't worry about what others think, they haven't walked in your shoes. Continue on your journey, loving yourself and know you experienced a great love in your life and now you are ready to go forward.
My best to you,
Nameste,
Smilin
Last edited by smilinpretty; 01-10-2014 at 08:15 PM..
Reason: misspelled word
I lost a boyfriend in year 2009. I experienced a period of severe depression. I took over the counter anti-depressant, didn't really help.
I guess it is just a "normal" (for lack of a better word) stage of grief.
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