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Old 01-11-2014, 03:31 PM
 
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When a friend has a loved one die many of us are at a loss on what to do to help. For those of you who have lost loved one, husband, parent, child what did people do that helped you the most?
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Old 01-11-2014, 07:20 PM
 
Location: Canada
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Keeping in contact, a good strong hug each time you greet the person in mourning, dropping over for a short visit after asking permission if it is a good time, bringing occasional meals or offering to meet for lunch, not making loose comments such as "call me if you ever need to talk or need something". I know saying it is meant as an act of kindness, but not too many people actually call someone when they are having a bad day. Speaking about their loved ones and bringing up good memories. Letting the person in mourning talk about anything and everything about their loved ones, even if you don't want to hear it again.

Just being there. (actually BEING there for them)
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Old 01-12-2014, 12:05 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
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Just being there. Truly being there. Listening. Caring. Hugging. Being there.
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Old 01-14-2014, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
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My friend lost her sister about a year and a half ago. (They were super close.) I know my friend misses her sister and still wants to talk about her. So I bring up her sister every so often when we're together...No one else talks about my friend's sister anymore. (Not even her husband.) And this is what I run into myself.. Most of my friends don't mention my husband and sons anymore. (On their own.)...I talk about them once in awhile because they're still on my mind. They still "exist" for me and always will..I decided to try-out a grief support group this week so I can talk about my loved ones. And be around other people who still want to talk about their deceased loved ones too.
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Old 01-14-2014, 08:30 PM
 
37,998 posts, read 18,943,239 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
My friend lost her sister about a year and a half ago. (They were super close.) I know my friend misses her sister and still wants to talk about her. So I bring up her sister every so often when we're together...No one else talks about my friend's sister anymore. (Not even her husband.) And this is what I run into myself.. Most of my friends don't mention my husband and sons anymore. (On their own.)...I talk about them once in awhile because they're still on my mind. They still "exist" for me and always will..I decided to try-out a grief support group this week so I can talk about my loved ones. And be around other people who still want to talk about their deceased loved ones too.
CArizona? your husband and sons died?

I think your suggestion is a good one.
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Old 01-16-2014, 07:48 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
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Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
CArizona? your husband and sons died?

I think your suggestion is a good one.
Thanks...My husband and sons passed-away within a short span of time. I know it may take me awhile to work through my grief.
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Old 01-16-2014, 08:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Thanks...My husband and sons passed-away within a short span of time. I know it may take me awhile to work through my grief.
Oh god, how horrible. This is what I mean, I don't want to say the same cliche things and don't know what to say. I don't know if it is right to ask what happened. This is why people have a hard time and why I asked. I do hope you can work it out and find some peace within to be able to smile again and to see life as you did before they passed. I miss the innocence of youth.
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Old 01-17-2014, 08:07 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,174,193 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
Oh god, how horrible. This is what I mean, I don't want to say the same cliche things and don't know what to say. I don't know if it is right to ask what happened. This is why people have a hard time and why I asked. I do hope you can work it out and find some peace within to be able to smile again and to see life as you did before they passed. I miss the innocence of youth.
Thanks for writing and caring...My husband developed pancreatic cancer. My younger son battled fast-growing cancerous brain tumors. And my older son developed (other) health problems that lead to a heart condition...Everyone seemed "fine" earlier in life. My younger son had a non-cancerous brain tumor when he was 22 that caused some complications but he did great for 15 years or so. (With no problems.)...My husband and older son always seemed like the "picture of health."..There was no indication or warning that everyone was going to get sick and die so young. (All in a row!).. It's been a "shocker." And I know it's going to take time to work through my grief.
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Old 01-17-2014, 11:04 AM
 
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
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thank you for starting this thread and thank you all for responding.... a dear friend just passed away from cancer this week and I want to continue to be a friend to her husband.... I knew that just being there was important, but it is nice to see that reaffirmed...

CArizona.... warm, healing hugs headed your way from me......
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Old 01-17-2014, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Aiken, South Carolina, US of A
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My dad died and then my brother died 2 weeks later, exactly to
the day.
My mom had severe alheimers, and couldn't understand anything,
so I was left dealing with everything.
Someone went a bought me a big bottle of wine.
I don't drink, let alone wine, but i had a difficult
time sleeping.
Well, let me tell you, that wine went a long way helping me
sleep and cope with bad nerves.
You can stand alot when you are able to sleep.
So, my answer was, a nice big bottle of wine.
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