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Bring me all your flowers now.
I would rather have a single ROSE
from the garden of a friend,
then have the choicest flowers
when my stay on earth must end.
I would rather have the kindest words
which may now be read to me,
then flattered when my heart is still,
and this life has ceased to be.
I would rather have a loving smile
from the friends I know are true,
then tears shed around my casket,
when this world I've bade adieu.
Bring me all your flowers,
whether PINK or WHITE or RED.
I'd rather have ONE blossom now
then a truckload when I'm dead.
Something tells me your Dad knows you love him whether you are 800 miles from him or 8 feet away.
If you have not told him he is the best father and how much you respect him and are thankful for him, do it.
At the very end, he will probably not know who is there. He will be grateful for your presence when he is still able to be comforted by it.
I know it is not the same thing, but you might want to arrange to visit via something like Skype or FaceTime. You could call him frequently and let him know you think about him even if you are not there.
Take care of yourself, too.
Suzy
Wartrace,
I'm so sorry to read your sad news. You've been given some excellent suggestions, IMHO, from some folks who really do care about the patient's family members, as well as others who are survivors of losing various family members.
I agree that I believe your dad already knows you love him. If he hadn't been diagnosed with Prostate Cancer, how would you continue to let your dad know of your love for him? How have you let him know over the years?
Phone calls, Skype like programs, cards and good old letters can all convey what you want to say.
Part of me is wondering if you need to hear something from him? Perhaps not, but think about it.
I'd encourage you to work with his Hospice caregivers. They will probably be as direct as you can tolerate, or not, about how he is. And part of what Hospice does is tries to get families together. They may be able to help facilitate computer chat/face time.
If you can, think of what will be most important for you to continue on. Pictures, a tape of him talking or other. What will allow you to know you expressed your love to him and also comfort you knowing he loved you?
There is no "right way" to go through this next phase. What works for one child and parent doesn't necessarily work for another. What do you need? Spend time time thinking about this as well.
Please let us know how you are doing.
Sending you, and your family, my best wishes across the miles.
My dad turned 85 this past Oct & is hanging in there...no current diseases, but has been in remission from prostate cancer for quite a # of yrs now. He's got some ailments that many have when they're elderly: Glaucoma, another eye condition, but it's not cataracts, moves very slowly (had 2 back surgeries some yrs ago), & beginning stages of Alzheimer's.
I'm sorry about this. If I were in your shoes, I'd talk on the phone with him as much as possible. Don't wait too late to see him. Do it when he's still in a good, alert frame of mind.
Tell him as much as you can. Tell him what you think of him as a father. Tell him your hopes & dreams. Yes, take nice pictures!
Yup that's it. If you can't be there and he is able to talk to him on the phone. Let him tell you about his life and tell him some of the things you did and got away with. I went through it and when you know most everything is said a done it takes some of the sting away when it happens.
Also he may want to talk because no matter the front most people are afraid of the unknown.
I just returned from visiting my Dad. He had his ups and downs during the visit but he knew I was there with him and we had a chance to talk for the last time.
Thanks for the advice everyone.
I am "at peace" with my fathers pending death. He lived a great life. After talking with him it seems that he is not afraid or worried that he is dying. He has accepted the end as natural.
So sorry for the impending loss but glad that you had a visit with him. Your attitude will be key in your grief and the grief of others in your family.
I just returned from visiting my Dad. He had his ups and downs during the visit but he knew I was there with him and we had a chance to talk for the last time.
Thanks for the advice everyone.
I am "at peace" with my fathers pending death. He lived a great life. After talking with him it seems that he is not afraid or worried that he is dying. He has accepted the end as natural.
Very nice
FYI lots of money out there for situations such as yours if you wanted to be there for his passing if money is the problem.
My Dad has about 2 to 3 months left. (estimate) I live 800 miles away and am not financially able to get there more than once. I am wondering how to say goodbye. He is the best father a guy could have had, I have nothing but respect and thankfulness that he is MY father.
I want to let him know it.
Any ideas on "the last visit"? He is 85 years old and has prostate cancer that has spread to his spine and lymph nodes. He has been recommended to hospice care so time is short.
It kills me that I am so far away.
I am sorry.
A very good therapist said once, do what you need to so the guilt won't eat you up after the funeral
If you feel the need, you should see your Dad before he passes away, jmo, hope this helps.
Just don't blame or fault yourself . sometimes the American Cancer Society has help for you to travel. Best of wishes and prayers for you.
My Dad has about 2 to 3 months left. (estimate) I live 800 miles away and am not financially able to get there more than once. I am wondering how to say goodbye. He is the best father a guy could have had, I have nothing but respect and thankfulness that he is MY father.
I want to let him know it.
Any ideas on "the last visit"? He is 85 years old and has prostate cancer that has spread to his spine and lymph nodes. He has been recommended to hospice care so time is short.
It kills me that I am so far away.
Show him this post.
I am so sorry your father is dying. Visit sooner than later. Talk about all the things you need to talk about. Say all you need to say. Wax nostalgic. Listen to his stories. Ask about your childhood. Ask about his childhood. Tell him what he has meant to you.
God Bless...
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I Agree w Suzy; What Have You Done Previously?
