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Old 02-24-2014, 11:26 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,242,129 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post

Yep, very happy with wearing my rings. Have you ever noticed how many people look to see if you are married? Even females do it. Of course I do it myself to others too. I started watching where people's eyes went when I first get to the registers. Usually eyes then left hand.
I am going to have to notice how often I look at someone's left hand! I think it is totally unconscious; I am sure I do it but I can't remember consciously doing it but on a few occasions. I have a feeling that I immediately do it without even realizing it.
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Old 02-24-2014, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,489 posts, read 11,474,558 times
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I dont pay attention to anyones jewellery like wedding rings , never have..
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Old 02-24-2014, 02:42 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,429 posts, read 18,139,040 times
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I have always noticed women's jewelry cause I like pretty, sparkly things! I always compliment when I see something I like too. When I worked at MickeyD's, people always complimented my wedding rings.
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Old 02-26-2014, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Indiana
51 posts, read 92,736 times
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Just my opinion, but I think it's too bad we don't seem to have any traditions to help support people. I lost my only daughter to schizophrenia a year ago, and I'm having to raise my granddaughter. You may say it's not the same as someone physically dying, but the person who was my daughter is not there anymore, so for me she is dead. It's worse than that, because the person who is there is tortured and there is no closure. People are so selfish and insensitive, and they don't understand that my granddaughter is not a replacement for my daughter. I'm grieving, and I don't know when I'll get over it. It wouldn't mind wearing black for a year or however long so people will just leave me alone and stop expecting me to be happy and act as if everything were totally "normal." It will never be the same. People should wear black, cover the mirrors, put a sign on the door to say "**** off" whatever works to help them to feel better. People in the old days knew this.

Last edited by Sam I Am; 03-03-2014 at 06:30 PM..
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Old 02-26-2014, 12:28 PM
 
Location: SWFL
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I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter, Gnome. I almost think that is worse than a physical death. At least with real death you know that person is not in pain anymore.

I wonder how and why our old death customs went by the wayside?
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Old 02-26-2014, 04:05 PM
 
Location: Fairbanks, AK
1,745 posts, read 2,272,823 times
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I just remember going to the grocery store for the first time after my husband died. Thankfully my brother in law went with me. Here were all these people just going on with their daily lives, as if everything were normal. I wanted to scream, "Do you know what happened?" I very much understand the "need" for "widow's weeds" and if they were still recognized, would have thankfully worn them. We were young (53 and 45) so by looking at me, one would not expect me to be a widow.
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Old 02-26-2014, 10:20 PM
 
18,241 posts, read 11,645,412 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
What a lot of nonsense this seems to have been.. I can remember in the 50s women dressing what seemed forever in black after a relative died then maybe changing to grey with purple.. it was horrible and no need for it... and why only women who carried on this way.. who did they actually do this for, the neighbours, themselves.. Im sure the dead dont want others grieving in such a public way for What are Widow's Weeds? (with picture)....
Tradition of mourning was to show respect for the dead.

Yes, when it came to formal mourning much of the burden historically lay with women but there was a reason to the madness. Men had to go out and work/run a farm or whatever it took to earn money. They simply couldn't be expected to shut themselves away from society for months on end.

Because many men's fashions already tended towards darker colours they got away with arm bands and or perhaps crape around a top hat. Same thing applied to servants and often the poor, that is they already often wore black/darker colours (easier to keep clean and hides dirt) so they also wore armbands.

In the case of a widow or woman in mourning weeds the garments and veils not only allowed persons to know and therefore show proper respect for her loss, but offered her preferred treatment. On trains she was allowed to board first and was given a compartment to herself or perhaps with another woman in mourning or an elderly lady. In shops or places of commerce/trade a widow/female in deep mourning went to the head of the queue with no questions asked. Persons coming into contact with these women were supposed to remember their "situation" and not bother them with idle chatter, gossip and whatever. Suppose the best way to sum it up was that persons were supposed to walk on eggshells.
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Old 02-27-2014, 05:02 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
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I know what your saying Bugsy.. and understand.. What I originally meant was the lengths people went to having mourining shops for all their outfits , jewellery , notepaper etc, seems to have been more for the wealthy to show how deeply their grief was... not like some woman with eight chlldren in a tenement, left with no hope. or anyone to support her family when her husband died... she might have worn black for a time but not the way some to me overdid their Death fashions. Queen Victoria ordered her staff t wear mourning clothes for three years after the death of Prince Albert...and wore her own widows weeds until she died...
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Old 02-27-2014, 05:56 AM
 
Location: Texas
1,270 posts, read 1,250,937 times
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I am 52 and when I go to funerals I still wear black, I don't care what the current fad for dressing is for a funeral. I also collect antique handkerchiefs and give them to the mourning females of the family.

I call it respect and I still make a dish of food for the family.
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Old 02-27-2014, 05:56 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,429 posts, read 18,139,040 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1stimestar View Post
I just remember going to the grocery store for the first time after my husband died. Thankfully my brother in law went with me. Here were all these people just going on with their daily lives, as if everything were normal. I wanted to scream, "Do you know what happened?" I very much understand the "need" for "widow's weeds" and if they were still recognized, would have thankfully worn them. We were young (53 and 45) so by looking at me, one would not expect me to be a widow.
I went through the same thing going to the grocery store. It was so hard to do for the longest time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
I know what your saying Bugsy.. and understand.. What I originally meant was the lengths people went to having mourining shops for all their outfits , jewellery , notepaper etc, seems to have been more for the wealthy to show how deeply their grief was... not like some woman with eight chlldren in a tenement, left with no hope. or anyone to support her family when her husband died... she might have worn black for a time but not the way some to me overdid their Death fashions. Queen Victoria ordered her staff t wear mourning clothes for three years after the death of Prince Albert...and wore her own widows weeds until she died...
There seems to be two types...those who can overcome and drama queens.

I also wear black to a wake or funeral.
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