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Old 03-08-2014, 12:51 PM
 
1,193 posts, read 1,468,045 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beenhereandthere View Post
The adults, I'm sure, would never mention anything about the reasons, why they may ask for the money
Even if they don't explain why, they are still asking for money for themselves off an unrelated incident. Minor children of the deceased are a more appropriate situation because they are unable to help themselves and have lost their primary provider. Grown adults simply aren't in the same boat. They could certainly do something to help themselves like finding another job. You say two of them are caring for another elderly family member, but that's not really a reason they couldn't trade off shifts, or each get part time work. Something.

In any case, that's my take on it. I wouldn't donate money in that situation and would find it tacky.
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Old 03-08-2014, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
4,945 posts, read 7,095,215 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post
Even if they don't explain why, they are still asking for money for themselves off an unrelated incident. Minor children of the deceased are a more appropriate situation because they are unable to help themselves and have lost their primary provider. Grown adults simply aren't in the same boat. They could certainly do something to help themselves like finding another job. You say two of them are caring for another elderly family member, but that's not really a reason they couldn't trade off shifts, or each get part time work. Something.

In any case, that's my take on it. I wouldn't donate money in that situation and would find it tacky.
Both of them live over 1k away. Not that easy to keep a job at the same time when you live that far away unless you're above average income and can afford last minute air fares that are not cheap at all.
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Old 03-08-2014, 01:09 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,150,188 times
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Sounds like a troll thread to me.
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Old 03-08-2014, 02:05 PM
 
12,914 posts, read 19,792,997 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Sounds like a troll thread to me.
I disagree. I do however, see where those people who are totally against the idea are coming from. I would phrase it as "Donations towards burial expenses would be appreciated in lieu of flowers".

We recently lost a family member, and 2000 people showed up at the wake. The flower arrangements lined every wall from the front door in, and a good part of the floor space. The widow told everybody to please take an arrangement home, as they would largely being going to waste. Most of the attendees had flown in, and it wasn't an option, so, yes, thousands of dollars went into a dumpster.
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Old 03-08-2014, 02:09 PM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
32,111 posts, read 39,184,670 times
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I see that here sometimes. It's usually phrased "in lieu of flowers a donation to the family may be made to help defray funeral expenses".

Also at work if someone dies (family) a donation is usually taken (and flowers sent in addition to the donation. That money comes from a common fund we have set up.).
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Old 03-08-2014, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Tucson
125 posts, read 110,436 times
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I just googled "memorials to the family," a phrase I'd never heard before for a practice I've never encountered before. (I'm in my 40s, lived most of my life in the Northeast, largely in Maine.) Could this be a regional practice? The examples that I randomly looked at on the Internet--and there were many, many results--were in the American Midwest, West (but not west of the Rockies), and South.
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Old 03-08-2014, 03:35 PM
 
Location: The Carolinas
1,987 posts, read 1,903,623 times
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I've never heard of "memorials to the family" phrase either. Not a Midwestern thing either. The furthest I'd say you could go would be "donations will be used to defray funeral expenses with any excess going to Uncle Joe's favorite charity--the local animal shelter".
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Old 03-08-2014, 05:00 PM
 
24,843 posts, read 31,253,072 times
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Maybe it would be cheaper not to have a funeral.
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Old 03-08-2014, 05:52 PM
 
Location: WY
4,910 posts, read 3,487,547 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
. . I would phrase it as "Donations towards burial expenses would be appreciated in lieu of flowers". .
That phrasing would be fine if that was the case, but based on what the OP wrote, that is NOT the case. They want to ask for money because they are unemployed and taking care of another gravely ill relative. It is highly inappropriate and in very poor taste to ask the grievers of someone who has died, to pay the living expenses of adults. No. Just no. No matter how much lipstick you put on it.
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Old 03-08-2014, 06:01 PM
 
12,914 posts, read 19,792,997 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by juneaubound View Post
That phrasing would be fine if that was the case, but based on what the OP wrote, that is NOT the case. They want to ask for money because they are unemployed and taking care of another gravely ill relative. It is highly inappropriate and in very poor taste to ask the grievers of someone who has died, to pay the living expenses of adults. No. Just no. No matter how much lipstick you put on it.
I'm not sure if it's actually another gravely ill relative. I interpreted the OP as looking ahead to when the relative dies, if a collection can be taken up for those who have been caring for the deceased.

If it offends anybody's sensibilities, then make the request, and use it for the burial. Then the caregivers can use money that has hopefully been put aside for a funeral however they need to.

I don't think it's in poor taste at all, if phrased that way. I'd much rather make a donation than send an overpriced floral arrangement that is going to waste in 24 hours.
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