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Old 03-07-2014, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
4,945 posts, read 7,093,978 times
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Just wondering. Example, memorial fund of the deceased person?
Two of my family members lost their unemployment and have no incoming income as they are taking care of a gravelly ill family member, who hasn't been given much time to live.
You may find it a dumb ?, but I'm not well versed in death and dying.
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Old 03-07-2014, 09:47 PM
 
16,485 posts, read 17,513,441 times
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Nope. I think its a great idea. Flowers and wreaths just get tossed. I would much rather give money. At least that's really helpful.
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Old 03-07-2014, 10:18 PM
 
4,111 posts, read 12,829,334 times
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I definitely agree too, money is a great idea, flowers are such a waste of money. We got neighbors a gift card for a local restaurant (that delivers) when one of the parents passed, they're busy and usually have different schedules and I think (hope) it was better than the typical flowers (everyone likes pizza etc, I think, in their case I know they do). In another case, a family was very pleased w/ Hospice and we donated to them. Wanted to earmark it for their charities, not ours. IMO food is good, $$ is probably better esp. w/ unemployment, they probably would really appreciate it.
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Old 03-08-2014, 07:24 AM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
6,720 posts, read 11,739,154 times
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I'm surprised by the answers so far -- I would find it really, really bizarre to be asked to give money to surviving adults.
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Old 03-08-2014, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Northern Illinois
2,189 posts, read 3,409,771 times
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Frankly, I think it's rather tacky and tasteless. It's unfortunate that they are having a rough time financially on top of the illness and pending death of a loved one, but it strikes me as they expect they should be paid for taking care of their family member. Is this your idea or theirs? Most people that are close to them probably know their circumstances and if they WANT to contribute something that's their prerogative, but to request that ALL of the memorial tributes get funneled to their pockets just seems wrong, to me anyhow. Memorials are designed to honor the dead, not fund the living adults who have fallen on hard times. There are other ways they can help themselves. After the funeral, and the memorial funds would be used up - what are they going to do for cash then? If I were told that I was expected to donate money for adult "kids" to pay for them taking care of their dying family member - I would likely keep my money in my pocket - but maybe that's just me. I did take care of my own parents until they died. I was lucky enough to have a good job and was established, but even if I didn't I would still have been there for them - I would not have needed money as an incentive.
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Old 03-08-2014, 08:29 AM
 
770 posts, read 963,412 times
Reputation: 1365
I'm sorry but it sounds like they are trying to profit from their loved ones death. I'm not saying that's what they're doing, just how such an action is perceived.
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Old 03-08-2014, 08:42 AM
 
526 posts, read 704,892 times
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What good does sending flowers do?
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Old 03-08-2014, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
6,720 posts, read 11,739,154 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eidas View Post
What good does sending flowers do?
Some find them both beautiful and comforting ... but the choices aren't "flowers" versus "give money directly to adult relatives."
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Old 03-08-2014, 09:03 AM
 
Location: 2016 Clown Car...fka: Wisconsin
738 posts, read 770,129 times
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In the "old" days, it was quite commonplace for attendees to extend a small monetary gift to the family to offset the cost of a funeral. When my mom died, my brother and I specifically stated in the obit: "Memorials to the family". We then deposited all the funds and used it to pay a very small portion of the bill.

I would think that if it were worded that way, the family could distribute the funds to other 'needy' family members and not be subject to condemning scrutiny. And seriously?...as an attendee, it would be completely inappropriate for them to ask you what you did with the money you got from the funeral anyway...shaking head...

BTW, the "old" days reference comes directly from a 4th generation family funeral director who knows just a little about the customs associated with death and dying. So while it may seen more virtuous to direct memorials to various charitable organizations, I say skip the altruism and take care of your own. But use the correct wording, lest you suffer the wrath of those who feel the need to legislate what's best for your family in your grief.

RVcook
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Old 03-08-2014, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
6,720 posts, read 11,739,154 times
Reputation: 19354
Quote:
Originally Posted by RVcook View Post
In the "old" days, it was quite commonplace for attendees to extend a small monetary gift to the family to offset the cost of a funeral. When my mom died, my brother and I specifically stated in the obit: "Memorials to the family". We then deposited all the funds and used it to pay a very small portion of the bill.

I would think that if it were worded that way, the family could distribute the funds to other 'needy' family members and not be subject to condemning scrutiny. And seriously?...as an attendee, it would be completely inappropriate for them to ask you what you did with the money you got from the funeral anyway...shaking head...

BTW, the "old" days reference comes directly from a 4th generation family funeral director who knows just a little about the customs associated with death and dying. So while it may seen more virtuous to direct memorials to various charitable organizations, I say skip the altruism and take care of your own. But use the correct wording, lest you suffer the wrath of those who feel the need to legislate what's best for your family in your grief.

RVcook
"Memorials to the family"??? As in "Give us money"???

Honestly, I would have been utterly appalled (and I grew up working-class and money was scarce). It would never occur to me to ask people to give me money after one of my loved ones has died. Wow.

I guess we will just have to agree to disagree on this one.
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