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I am grieving the loss of a friendship that lasted 14 years, and even though it is not like someone who died, i still am going thru emotional things like grieving this loss. Eventually time will heal. i get sad thru the day but then each morning when i wake up after a good night sleep, i seem to have mended during the night. It also helps me to get enough sleep and look at beautiful things in nature to help get me thru. I think we need to allow ourselves to express our feelings, and not be afraid to. keeping things bottled up is probably the worst thing. and going to my social worker having a talk is a huge help. (a non-judgmental kind person is what he is).
It's been four months now since my wife died and I still often feel like I've been hit with Thor's hammer. The loneliness is crushing. I am trying to find some humour in all this since she had a great sense of one and so I don't get out the revolver, but I've lost my sense of joviality. Just kidding about the revolver. So unoriginal and dramatic.
It's been four months now since my wife died and I still often feel like I've been hit with Thor's hammer. The loneliness is crushing. I am trying to find some humour in all this since she had a great sense of one and so I don't get out the revolver, but I've lost my sense of joviality. Just kidding about the revolver. So unoriginal and dramatic.
Thanks for the links...I think "play" and humor is important too. (In order to achieve some "balance" during the grief process.)...Unfortunately, most of the people in my everyday life (today) don't "play" very much...This makes me miss my husband and sons and other family members "like crazy!" (Because we used to "play" and have fun together!)...My worst fear is turning into a "wet blanket" myself. And watching my sense of humor go down the drain...I think I need to seek out new friends who are a little more "fun-loving!" Do you have friends like this in your life? Hope you do!.. I'm so sorry you lost your wife.
I am grieving the loss of a friendship that lasted 14 years, and even though it is not like someone who died, i still am going thru emotional things like grieving this loss. Eventually time will heal. i get sad thru the day but then each morning when i wake up after a good night sleep, i seem to have mended during the night. It also helps me to get enough sleep and look at beautiful things in nature to help get me thru. I think we need to allow ourselves to express our feelings, and not be afraid to. keeping things bottled up is probably the worst thing. and going to my social worker having a talk is a huge help. (a non-judgmental kind person is what he is).
I hope my tiny suggestion is a help to you.
I'm sorry that you lost your friend. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings and "remedies," etc...Getting out in nature always helps me too. Thanks for bringing it up.
Lost, Relationships, With Living People, Need Mourned Too
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicagoMeO
I am grieving the loss of a friendship that lasted 14 years, and even though it is not like someone who died, i still am going thru emotional things like grieving this loss. Eventually time will heal. i get sad thru the day but then each morning when i wake up after a good night sleep, i seem to have mended during the night. It also helps me to get enough sleep and look at beautiful things in nature to help get me thru. I think we need to allow ourselves to express our feelings, and not be afraid to. keeping things bottled up is probably the worst thing. and going to my social worker having a talk is a huge help. (a non-judgmental kind person is what he is).
I hope my tiny suggestion is a help to you.
This is a very good post, Chicago MeO, IMO. Friends can be much closer than blood relatives. When someone has been an important part of anyone's life for a decade or longer (and in some cases less years) and directly influenced, supported or opposed choices one made, it's healthy to mourn the loss of that person. For a period of time, that person potentially understood you the best. Why wouldn't a trusted friend be mourned?
I like your post for several reasons including you mention taking care of yourself be it in getting a good night's sleep and reassessing again in the morning and knowing that time helps. I'm not sure the wound ever totally heals, but due to our changing lives, new people or new job responsibilities, moving elsewhere or changing roles in a family, new priorities and often new people come into our lives, if we let them.
It's been four months now since my wife died and I still often feel like I've been hit with Thor's hammer. The loneliness is crushing. I am trying to find some humour in all this since she had a great sense of one and so I don't get out the revolver, but I've lost my sense of joviality. Just kidding about the revolver. So unoriginal and dramatic.
artisan4,
I'm sorry to hear about your wife. It sounds like she knew the value of humor.
Thank you so much for sharing the links with us
Do you like kids or a certain sport or even comedy clubs? Think of what makes you smile and how you can have people with similar interests. You might want to volunteer some time with a boys and girls club or spend time with a favorite sport or other hobby, like photography or join a writing club etc.
Most of all, let yourself feel the pain of not having your wife around. And knowing that is not the reality you planned, think of one nice or positive thing to do for yourself each day. They can be small things, but I believe it is important to reward or thank yourself for making it through the day.
I often think we're too hard on ourselves. Thank yourself for getting to this point.
I look forward to how you incorporate humor, comedy and fun in your life.
Thanks for the links...I think "play" and humor is important too. (In order to achieve some "balance" during the grief process.)...Unfortunately, most of the people in my everyday life (today) don't "play" very much...This makes me miss my husband and sons and other family members "like crazy!" (Because we used to "play" and have fun together!)...My worst fear is turning into a "wet blanket" myself. And watching my sense of humor go down the drain...I think I need to seek out new friends who are a little more "fun-loving!" Do you have friends like this in your life? Hope you do!.. I'm so sorry you lost your wife.
CA,
Like so many times you are here trying to help others who are hurting. What other sections of CDF do you visit? Have you looked at any of the sections in Entertainment? Surely between tv shows ( old and new), movies, music, books etc. there are some things you like to do.
Or sports is full of things you may not have thought of for a while. Gardening, literature, flying model airplanes etc. are all possibilities....everything is a possibility. Just look and see what sounds fun.
Do you still have the email address I gave you? If so, please email me again as I can't remember what I did with yours. I want to tell you a bit about me 1 week out and don't want to post that openly.
I'm sorry that you lost your friend. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings and "remedies," etc...Getting out in nature always helps me too. Thanks for bringing it up.
Yes there is something refreshign and invigorating about nature, water, oceans, lakes, trees, flowers, scent of flowers and freshly cut grass, all things that are totally pure and clean and makes you feel like you have life, well, it is life, nature.
i cannot tell another person to stop grieving, that just takes whatever time it takes to heal, i dont think anything ever replaces them, and we should not replace them. but these things of nature are sort of a medicine to help us get thru.
Thanks for the links...I think "play" and humor is important too. (In order to achieve some "balance" during the grief process.)...Unfortunately, most of the people in my everyday life (today) don't "play" very much...This makes me miss my husband and sons and other family members "like crazy!" (Because we used to "play" and have fun together!)...My worst fear is turning into a "wet blanket" myself. And watching my sense of humor go down the drain...I think I need to seek out new friends who are a little more "fun-loving!" Do you have friends like this in your life? Hope you do!.. I'm so sorry you lost your wife.
Everyone has sort of disappeared, except my parents, and even with them I am the one doing the calling. Do you think me walking around my house unshaven in my bathrobe holding my wife's urn and muttering constitutes a 'wet blanket'?
I'm just kidding. I do NOT mutter...
While I have done the above, I am functioning and going to work, etc. My wife loved to laugh. I have laughed at Jimmy Fallon antics and that kind of stuff since, just overall I walk around feeling like there is a Bowie knife in my midsection. I guess I am not good company. Ya think??
I have tried to move on. I have even gone on a few 'dates', on which unlike the old single days, sex didn't cross my mind once and instead I just wanted to talk and listen. Then I go home alone and talk to the cats. As I type this, I am laughing at how pathetic it sounds. I think my great-grandfather, who was a sergeant in the British Army, would like to come by and kick my a**.
You have had a lot of loss and I admire your fortitude. Your idea of new fun-loving friends sounds like a good one.
I'm sorry to hear about your wife. It sounds like she knew the value of humor.
Thank you so much for sharing the links with us
Do you like kids or a certain sport or even comedy clubs? Think of what makes you smile and how you can have people with similar interests. You might want to volunteer some time with a boys and girls club or spend time with a favorite sport or other hobby, like photography or join a writing club etc.
Most of all, let yourself feel the pain of not having your wife around. And knowing that is not the reality you planned, think of one nice or positive thing to do for yourself each day. They can be small things, but I believe it is important to reward or thank yourself for making it through the day.
I often think we're too hard on ourselves. Thank yourself for getting to this point.
I look forward to how you incorporate humor, comedy and fun in your life.
MSR
Thanks. Well, I don't know about kids, but after spending time with a friend who has a 3-year old, my respect for parents went up about 50 notches. We took the kid to the zoo and he takes off like a rocket every five seconds. I kept looking for him in the lion cage.
I admire all of you on here for what you have had to go through and you are still standing. I don't know how people get through this. When I say that to my dad he says, 'you have no choice'. True, but I guess I've had a sheltered life because this is crazy.
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Lost, Relationships, With Living People, Need Mourned Too
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