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Old 08-18-2014, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514

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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Thank YOU for understanding and allowing me to talk about my dear friend . . . I like to think that sharing a bit of who she was might mean that her beautiful spirit is still touching others in some way.
Anifani..I agree with you...I think all of our loved ones live-on through us. We don't have to keep them "buried." Or play "out of sight, out of mind" like so many people do...Your friend sounds like a wonderful person. Your love and admiration for her "touches" my heart. Thanks for sharing!
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Old 08-18-2014, 05:02 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,276,463 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by stronglady View Post
"In many ways, losing her has brought about isolation more than a desire to get to know others and establish new close friendships."

Dear Ani; I lost my daughter four years ago. Like you, I've isolated myself in grief and hunkered down here not letting anyone else in as close as she was. We had to work at our closeness, but on her last day on this earth, we made a pact for a new beginning. I would be there for her anytime, day or night. She couldn't drive due to grand mal epilepsy. We spent her last day on earth shopping and visiting. I kept thinking and feeling something big was about to happen. She passed away in her sleep that night. I actually studied her face in one of the stores, wanting to remember every detail. I couldn't believe it when I heard the news she had slipped away. It taught me beyond a shadow of a doubt that God, or whatever a person prefers to call our creator, is definitely aware of every detail we are experiencing and he is "in" it with us like a massive super computer that can easily absorb and remember every single detail of our lives easily. I know now he's right here with me all the time, no question about it. I hope and pray that someday both of us will be able to find a very close friend of the same caliber as our dear ones, but the chances of that are not good. All we can do is try our hardest to remember yet at the same time try to be open to new relationships. It's so hard. I too keep comparing others to her. I guess it's down to one day at a time. Cherish the memories and know your dear friend is right there with you but her body is one of light now. You can't see her with your eyes, but she's right there. That's my consolation with my daughter's passing. She is with me. If we approach it that way, they're not really gone, just beyond our ability to see. Let's focus on today and right now.
I do believe that about one's body passing away but the soul being energy/light.

Yes, one day at a time, with so many things in life! Enjoy and cherish the moment. What a gift that the last day with your daughter you were compelled to study her face, really "see" her.

I am so sorry you lost your dear daughter from this plane of existence but as you said . . . the soul goes on and we keep our loved ones close in our hearts.

"Now we see as through a glass darkly, but then we shall see face to face."

Blessings and hugs to you, stronglady!
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Old 08-18-2014, 05:18 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,276,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Anifani..I agree with you...I think all of our loved ones live-on through us. We don't have to keep them "buried." Or play "out of sight, out of mind" like so many people do...Your friend sounds like a wonderful person. Your love and admiration for her "touches" my heart. Thanks for sharing!
Out of sight, but never out of mind! My grandmothers, my dear friend . . . and I lost my 98 year old Aunt this past week (we were close). But it was time for her to be with her heavenly family (her words and her wish). So that made it easier for the rest of us to say good-bye.

Yes, they live in our hearts and "sharing them" with others does make it feel like part of our loved ones live on.
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Old 08-18-2014, 06:59 PM
 
7,497 posts, read 9,277,699 times
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Tonight I made Shrimp Etouffee. Yeah, I'm tired of making it on Chefville and not actually having it in real life.
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Old 08-20-2014, 01:44 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Out of sight, but never out of mind! My grandmothers, my dear friend . . . and I lost my 98 year old Aunt this past week (we were close). But it was time for her to be with her heavenly family (her words and her wish). So that made it easier for the rest of us to say good-bye.

Yes, they live in our hearts and "sharing them" with others does make it feel like part of our loved ones live on.
Sorry you lost your Aunt. But, it's great that she had peace about her death and looked forward to joining loved ones in the afterlife....My husband saw glowing balls (orbs) in his room before he died. He felt that loved ones had come to help him make his transition...I believed this too and it gave me peace. Of course, it was still hard to say goodbye and let him go.
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Old 08-28-2014, 03:13 PM
 
Location: AZ
593 posts, read 305,018 times
Reputation: 2416
Lost my wife of 47 years a few months back. We married very young and grew up together. Soul mates etc. until you have experienced such loss, you cannot know the pain. Our sometimes silly culture insists that every problem has a solution and a quick one. Nonsense. I remarried within several months but I still grieve mostly in silence but sometimes openly. My new wife is a great comfort and help but still I am the one dealing with indescribable loss. By all means read books, seek religious help if you need too but at the end of the day you put one foot in front of the other and soldier on. Sometimes I have to pull over and stop because of crying over a memory which can trigger at any time. I have no intention of seeking to "fix" that. Perhaps one day life will be smoother but it might not. Hang the culture and the expectations of others.
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Old 08-28-2014, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Orlando
1,795 posts, read 2,386,539 times
Reputation: 6422
My husband died six months ago, and currently I'm dealing with my grief by binge-eating sugar. Seriously, this is terrible, and I've got to make it stop soon, before I make myself sick.

I can't stop myself from buying it -- this week I saw that Publix has Entenman's chocolate covered donuts, the kind my husband used to love and I didn't usually touch, buy one get one free. So I came home with two boxes of chocolate covered donuts, and they'll all be gone in another few days.

It's embarrassing to admit this here, that I'm completely out of control about sweets. I'm hoping it's an aberration that will soon run its course and be over.
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Old 08-29-2014, 02:02 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,150,188 times
Reputation: 18819
Quote:
Originally Posted by WellShoneMoon View Post
My husband died six months ago, and currently I'm dealing with my grief by binge-eating sugar. Seriously, this is terrible, and I've got to make it stop soon, before I make myself sick.

I can't stop myself from buying it -- this week I saw that Publix has Entenman's chocolate covered donuts, the kind my husband used to love and I didn't usually touch, buy one get one free. So I came home with two boxes of chocolate covered donuts, and they'll all be gone in another few days.

It's embarrassing to admit this here, that I'm completely out of control about sweets. I'm hoping it's an aberration that will soon run its course and be over.
I hope you can get your bingeing under control soon. You could possibly give yourself diabetes.

I'm sorry for your loss.
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Old 08-29-2014, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Way Up North
225 posts, read 215,732 times
Reputation: 420
Default Dealing with Grief

Quote:
Originally Posted by WellShoneMoon View Post
My husband died six months ago, and currently I'm dealing with my grief by binge-eating sugar. Seriously, this is terrible, and I've got to make it stop soon, before I make myself sick.

I can't stop myself from buying it -- this week I saw that Publix has Entenman's chocolate covered donuts, the kind my husband used to love and I didn't usually touch, buy one get one free. So I came home with two boxes of chocolate covered donuts, and they'll all be gone in another few days.

It's embarrassing to admit this here, that I'm completely out of control about sweets. I'm hoping it's an aberration that will soon run its course and be over.
WellShoneMoon, I know how it is. I lost my brother and my 17 year old cat 3 weeks apart recently. I'm usually pretty good at controlling my sugar intake, however, I'm letting myself eat whatever I want right now to deal with my grief. Fortunately, I'm slim and gaining 5 pounds won't matter much...but I know it isn't healthy for me, and I don't want to put on too much weight.

There are a lot of grief support sites online. Have you checked them out? Here is just one link: Loss of a Spouse, Partner, or Significant Other - Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Do you have a pet to console you? If not, you might consider getting a kitty or dog. They really help having them around. They give us so much unconditional love. Another suggestion would be talking to a psychologist. They can help change behaviors. Best of luck to you.
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Old 09-02-2014, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,500,688 times
Reputation: 10428
I'm already starting the grieving process. They moved my dad to Hospice care yesterday and he doesn't have long to live. He's only 69 and has cancer. He's leaving behind my handicapped brother and my disabled (physically and psychologically) mother. It's a huge mess. I need to get my mom into assisted living, but she's wacked out on prescription drugs and extremely difficult to deal with. My dad cared for her and my brother, so my brother will be moving to assisted living near me (they all live 700 miles away).

I always knew it would be horrible if my dad went before my mom, and it has truly been horrible dealing with her. She'll end up alone in her house without anyone to care for her (she has no bio family or friends), so I may have to turn her int to adult protective services. My dad's brother lives nearby, but is way to busy to deal with her. He's going to try and talk some sense into her.

But I'm just so sad today and keep having all these sudden mental flashes of my dad at certain times throughout my life. We weren't all that close, but in the last 5 years became closer than we've ever been. I need to work, but can't concentrate.
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