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Old 04-15-2014, 03:42 AM
 
Location: Colorado
1,969 posts, read 1,901,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamingo13 View Post
I want to report back on my experience (first support meeting of six) - there were 9 of us along w/2 volunteers that run the group. I actually starting crying pretty much immediately, the group introduced themselves and talked about their situation (I wasn't able to do that initially as I was too upset). I have to tell you - I found this so cathartic! We all cried, offered tips, etc. - when I came home I was pretty much a basket case (as I was the next day as well). I hadn't really accepted it I guess and hadn't really grieved (initial phone calls were tough though), most folks were just asking what I was going to do, etc. (like I was even THINKING then, let alone clearly).

After crying/sobbing that night (and being on the phone w/two good friends), crying most of the next day - I realized I hadn't let myself just grieve (and that was much needed).

I recommend trying to find some kind of support group, I wasn't ready immediately when his cousin suggested it (w/i days... TOO soon for me at least).
In the group I went to, everyone was at a different time frame/point so there were a lot of different perspectives. I did notice that one guy who was four years out kind of hogged the time, which is a problem with groups. He had 'input' on everyones' accounts. Anyway you are right that it is valuable to an extent. A lot of the women cried but none of us guys did. There was a woman who was two months out like me. Just weird that you come home and they are not there. I keep waking up at 1am and 2am. Strange days.
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Old 04-15-2014, 04:16 AM
 
3,942 posts, read 3,875,918 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CatwomanofV View Post
It seems that in the last 6 years, my family has lost so many. It started in Feb. 2008 with the lost of my grandmother who was 99 1/2 years young. Yeah, it was hard losing her but she lived to a ripe age and I was able to handle it ok. Then in Nov. 2008, we lost my oldest sister. She was only 54 years old. While I wasn't that close to her, her death hit me super hard. I went into such a depression.

On April 11th, 2012, I lost my father & my husband's father-ON THE SAME DAY!!!! My father's sister died about 4 months before he did. Then one April 21st, 2013, I lost my mother.

One of my sisters has it even worse than I do. She lost her brother-in-law, & uncle-in-law who she & her husband were VERY close to.

I just feel like my grief weighs me down sometimes. I feel like I wear it every day. I try not to think about it but it is always there. And I am so afraid of losing my husband which I know will happen since he is 17 years my senior.

How do you deal with your grief and can anyone give me any pointers on how I can deal with mine any better because I feel like I am not dealing with it very well.

Thanks.


Cat
Day-by-day. Acceptance of what is gone. I also rejoice in the people I lost, and savor the memories. Grief is a process. May not make sense today, nor do I force myself out of it.

Baby steps. Teeny, tiny ones. And, gratitude. Every day.
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Old 04-15-2014, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Venus
4,259 posts, read 2,802,642 times
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Thanks, everyone for your input. I actually feel like things are getting better but there are times... Yesterday, I started thinking about my mother, then my father, then my sister, grandmother, etc. etc. And of course I started crying all over again. April is really a bad month for anniversaries. Dad & Dad died on April 11th, Ma died on April 20th (which will be 1 year) & my sister's birthday was on the 17th.

Last year's Mother's Day was so hard for me. It was the first one without my mother and it was only about 3 weeks after losing her. I hope this year will be better.


I have jewelry that I wear in honor of them. I have a few necklaces that belonged to my sister that I wear on her birthday and on the anniversary of her death. My FIL used to do lapidary and made me several pieces of jewelry that I wear for him. My dad gave me one of the first earrings I ever had when I was 13 right after I got my ears pierced. I wear those for them. And of course, I have some of my mother's & grandmother's jewelry. When I was 15, my aunt gave me a box of junk jewelry. At the bottom of the box was a sterling silver ring-which I didn't think was junk. I loved it and put it on-and I still have it on to this day. I have worn other rings in its place once in a great while but for the most part, that ring is ALWAYS on my right ring finger. The last time I saw my aunt, I asked her if she remembered it, she said she did. The ring is basically a part of me now (like my wedding ring). I would feel totally naked without it. I also have some clothing-a shirt my sister gave me for my birthday one year, my mother gave me a couple of shirts, & I have my father's robe. I always think of them when I am wearing these items.


Thanks again, everyone.



Cat
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Old 04-17-2014, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Venus
4,259 posts, read 2,802,642 times
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Today is my sister's 60th birthday. We are supposed to be celebrating with a big party but instead, I am just sitting here thinking about her and missing her terrible.




Cat
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Old 04-17-2014, 05:01 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,266 posts, read 15,048,153 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CatwomanofV View Post
Today is my sister's 60th birthday. We are supposed to be celebrating with a big party but instead, I am just sitting here thinking about her and missing her terrible.




Cat
I'm sorry. You have lost a lot of people. Father, Mother, Sister, Grandparents . . .
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Old 04-18-2014, 10:10 AM
 
25,456 posts, read 23,285,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CatwomanofV View Post
Today is my sister's 60th birthday. We are supposed to be celebrating with a big party but instead, I am just sitting here thinking about her and missing her terrible.




Cat
awwww Cat, I'm so so sorry, I'm hugging you, can you feel it? Please understand, your sister is most likely watching over you with her arms around you right now saying, "oh sis, if only you could know how at peace I am and how utterly glorious I'm feeling now, no restraights, no saddness, no worry, just complete peace."

Cat, you'll see her again someday....
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Old 04-18-2014, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Venus
4,259 posts, read 2,802,642 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
awwww Cat, I'm so so sorry, I'm hugging you, can you feel it? Please understand, your sister is most likely watching over you with her arms around you right now saying, "oh sis, if only you could know how at peace I am and how utterly glorious I'm feeling now, no restraights, no saddness, no worry, just complete peace."

Cat, you'll see her again someday....

Thank you. The thing is, I wasn't very close to her but losing her really hit me VERY hard. And I know I will see her again-I just hope it is not for long time yet.

The thing is, my family went off in separate directions. We were just starting to find our way back to each other when we lost her. Now, my other sisters & I have moved in closer to each other. We want to bring our brother in, too but it is really difficult with him mainly because of his wife-but that is another issue. But, whenever we all get together, I always feel that someone is missing-because she is. I'm sure my other sisters feel it, too.


BTW, there are 6 of us total (well, 5 now)-my brother being the oldest. He always was outnumber by his 5 (now 4) sisters. Oh, and I'm the youngest. I have always said that my parents saved the best for last.



Cat
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Old 04-20-2014, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Venus
4,259 posts, read 2,802,642 times
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One year ago today, I lost my mother.



Cat
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Old 04-20-2014, 01:21 PM
 
Location: NW AR
2,438 posts, read 2,039,185 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CatwomanofV View Post
One year ago today, I lost my mother.



Cat

So sorry Cat. I bet if she was still here, she'd want to tell you how much she treasured the time you took care of her. I think it meant a lot to her and you made her feel so special.
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Old 04-20-2014, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Venus
4,259 posts, read 2,802,642 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thegreenflute334 View Post
So sorry Cat. I bet if she was still here, she'd want to tell you how much she treasured the time you took care of her. I think it meant a lot to her and you made her feel so special.

Thank you. Not to sound conceited or anything, but I think I was my mother's favorite-probably because I was the last.

She said before she died not to cry for her because she had a good life (for the most part). But, how could I NOT cry for her? She's my mother and I miss her.



Cat
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