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Old 02-03-2017, 10:14 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,098 posts, read 3,918,635 times
Reputation: 18770

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We had a thread not that long ago explaining why so many widows do not remarry compared to widowers. It was very enlightening and helped explain to me, at least, why I have not put much effort into finding someone else.


Most women, especially us over 50 are used to being the caretakers, the chefs, the cleaning person, etc. Men aren't, so when their spouse dies many have no idea how to cook, clean or even buy groceries so they remarry quickly to have someone take care of them. For many women, myself included, when we get over the grief, we realize we are free - free to eat what we want, when we want. We watch what we want on TV (no sports anymore for me!), see whatever movie we want to see and never have to share the bed or listen to snoring. If we were caretakers for our sick spouse there is that freedom not to be a nurse anymore.


Of course on the other side of that is we have nobody to cuddle at night, no kisses and no more intimacy. I think many women deal with that better than men do. I'm trying not to generalize but even at my church I noticed the men remarried much quicker than the women did once their spouse died.
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Old 02-03-2017, 10:51 AM
 
Location: The house I built
308 posts, read 131,809 times
Reputation: 741
Wait, I can cook. You put the water in the top and put it in the microwave for 2 minutes. Or with the other one, you tear off the plastic and put it in the microwave for 4 minutes. Dinner is served.

I should go back and read that thread.
Really what I want is closer to friends with benefits than marriage. I want the loving and affection and companionship and the intimacy and the communication but I don't want the division of assets. And so comes the conversation about pre nups and all the angst that it can bring. I don't want to have that conversation. And I know a lot of women feel the same way.

It becomes an issue of how long does it take to really build trust and loyalty between two people? As widows and widowers we can become targets of people with ill will towards our bank accounts and get there through our emotions.

I am not so trusting when it comes to financial stuff. I had two women try to make their way into my life only days after my wife died. They both knew us. My daughter ended that quickly after I told her it was stressing me out.

I don't want to re marry. The perfect woman for me is going to have her own assets and also doesn't want to make big gambles like that. We will take turns staying at each others place and take turns cooking and such for each other. I just know my skill with a cup o noodles will win her over.
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Old 02-03-2017, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Virginia
3,462 posts, read 1,641,512 times
Reputation: 9263
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevie60 View Post
Wait, I can cook. You put the water in the top and put it in the microwave for 2 minutes. Or with the other one, you tear off the plastic and put it in the microwave for 4 minutes. Dinner is served.

I should go back and read that thread.
Really what I want is closer to friends with benefits than marriage. I want the loving and affection and companionship and the intimacy and the communication but I don't want the division of assets. And so comes the conversation about pre nups and all the angst that it can bring. I don't want to have that conversation. And I know a lot of women feel the same way.

It becomes an issue of how long does it take to really build trust and loyalty between two people? As widows and widowers we can become targets of people with ill will towards our bank accounts and get there through our emotions.

I am not so trusting when it comes to financial stuff. I had two women try to make their way into my life only days after my wife died. They both knew us. My daughter ended that quickly after I told her it was stressing me out.

I don't want to re marry. The perfect woman for me is going to have her own assets and also doesn't want to make big gambles like that. We will take turns staying at each others place and take turns cooking and such for each other. I just know my skill with a cup o noodles will win her over.
I think a lot of women would go for the kind of relationship you would be interested in. I know that I'd like to spend time with a man, and share meals, entertainment, and intimacy with a special one. Plus I love to cook and bake for someone who appreciates it. However, I love my house and have no intention of ever leaving it for someone else's home, nor would I ever want to share finances with anyone else. I have a comfortable living and intend to keep it that way, so remarriage is totally off the table as far as I'm concerned. I think frequent visits and stay-overs are the ideal situation for folks like me.
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Old 02-03-2017, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
7,961 posts, read 6,706,083 times
Reputation: 10706
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bungalove View Post
I think a lot of women would go for the kind of relationship you would be interested in. I know that I'd like to spend time with a man, and share meals, entertainment, and intimacy with a special one. Plus I love to cook and bake for someone who appreciates it. However, I love my house and have no intention of ever leaving it for someone else's home, nor would I ever want to share finances with anyone else. I have a comfortable living and intend to keep it that way, so remarriage is totally off the table as far as I'm concerned. I think frequent visits and stay-overs are the ideal situation for folks like me.
Even though I am presently going the younger, casual FWB route I could be interested in the type relationship you describe but no not never full time as in living together, and most certainly never marriage.
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