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Old 05-04-2014, 02:22 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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I would try to find a widows/widowers group. Personally I would not want to date a person who doesn't know the pain of losing someone to death. They could relate so much better.
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Old 05-04-2014, 02:54 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,104 posts, read 17,634,355 times
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I agree with tami I was married at 19 and widowed at 32 and I remarried after 10 yrs and my kids were all out of the house by then and thank god they were . My 2nd husband wife died very young as well so he knew the pain of losing someone so young . I second the widowers group as well . it can be very helpful .
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Old 05-04-2014, 04:39 PM
 
10,388 posts, read 7,467,722 times
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Very sad. I hate cancer. Took my dad when I was 2.

It's a real good idea to figure out who you are as a stand-alone person. You were half of a team for a long time. You need to become whole before you can be a good partner again. imo
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Old 05-04-2014, 05:00 PM
 
Location: NW AR
2,438 posts, read 2,037,157 times
Reputation: 2245
Quote:
Originally Posted by artisan4 View Post
My wife died of cancer three months ago. I'm not the basket case I was nowadays, but of course my life partner is gone and frankly I'm pretty lonely. I am 52. I wondered what others' experiences are/ were in this situation. Thanks.
Three months isn't long enough. I dated after 4 years.. and the guy wasn't the best really. Expect to attract lonely hearts as well, but they don't know why they are lonely. It's much different if you have been in a relationship for several years and then try to have a relationship with someone that has never committed. That was my case anyway. I have a few things to do and then I will get back out there. Good luck!
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Old 05-04-2014, 05:51 PM
 
Location: in the sticks, SE Indiana
952 posts, read 1,862,113 times
Reputation: 1322
My mom remarried 10 months after my dad died, she was also 52. His wife had died of cancer about 2 months after my dad died. My stepfather was a man who my mom had worked with before I was born, one of her friends was his cousin, and they had grown up in the same area and knew many of the same people. It was kind of strange, on Father's Day of '82, I had a dad, and on Father's day of '83, my dad was dead and I had a stepfather. He was a wonderful stepfather, they were married for 11 years before he died.
I am sorry for your loss. I'm sure you will find someone, Just hang in there.
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Old 05-04-2014, 10:01 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,164 posts, read 16,510,896 times
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Sorry for your loss, Artisan.

My late wife died when I was 50 -- suddenly and without any warning signs. In our jawing sessions we'd talked about what we'd do if the other died. I'd encouraged her to remarry because she was so good at it, but I didn't think I'd ever be interested in anyone else. She guessed that I'd be the Merry Widower if she died before me, but she did request that I wait for a month.

I missed her so much I didn't even want to wait the month! In hindsight, I should have waited a year, at least before considering another life partner. A couple years would have been even better. I did have a few "lady friends" who I spent time with -- dinners out, dinners in, gambling junkets, photo excursions, little vacations. These were friends-only friends, and I had to make that clear in each case. They were good friends, but turned out to be a little jealous of my romantic interests when those came around. And I had a couple friends with benefits. They seemed genuinely happy when I fell in love with my current wife.

You'll find there are a great many available women in your age bracket, most who will say they don't want another marriage but change their minds after you get to know them. Just be careful. If you're anything like I was, your mind isn't working quite right now and won't be for awhile. Not only can you hurt yourself by getting back into a serious romantic relationship too soon, you can also hurt the nice woman you're dating. Just be careful, be honest, and don't make any promises for another year or two.
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Old 05-04-2014, 11:25 PM
 
Location: Retired in Malibu/La Quinta/Flagstaff
1,222 posts, read 1,217,449 times
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My sympathy to you, Artisan.

My wife died suddenly after five months of marriage. She was 19 years old and three months pregnant. Adhering to my Italian heritage, I spent a year in self-imposed mourning. Although 37 years have passed, I'm still a widower.

As other posters have said, take your time. You'll know when it's right to get back out into the dating scene. I met and dated some wonderful women. Unfortunately, none of them were interested in being married to a cop!
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Old 05-05-2014, 12:52 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,737,637 times
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I agree with Tami about the widows/widowers group. I lost my husband suddenly when I was out of town, and I still feel married. I'm still in love with him, I still wear my wedding rings. I'm 62 now, and have been alone for four and a half years. The first two years after he died, I spent working through cleaning out and selling a house, moving to a new place in a new state, closing up his law practice, selling his office furniture and books, etc. I had to do so much for two years that I was exhausted and didn't grieve. I'm just now beginning to grieve deeply.

Go slow, take your time. If you haven't cried, and cried often and hard, you're probably still numb and in shock. Wyo gave you the best advice. Another marriage will never be like the one you had, and once you're married, it's hard to get out of, if you're disappointed. Breathe deeply, enjoy finding out who you are, what you enjoy and search for Meet Up groups or other "people" groups before making any huge decisions.

I have several male friends who are widowers and while they were tempted to find a wife soon after their wives died, they did take their time, went slowly and made sure they grieved before even entering the dating scene. None have remarried. I also have three women friends who are widows over 5 years and still wear their wedding rings, don't date, are enjoying their lives (and homes) as independent women (as am I). It's lonely, it's sad, it's hard, it's scary, but that's all part of going through the process that you need to do to get to the other side of grief.
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Old 05-05-2014, 01:11 AM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,359 posts, read 10,633,860 times
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I've lost two to death. The first one died shortly after our marriage of 25 years ended and though those years were good for the most part the breakup was contentious. The second one whose death was sudden was the love of my life and even if shorter in duration it took me ten years to get over it. I dated afterwards and had fun but couldn't find anyone to compare and realistically you shouldn't expect that.

I am somewhat a loner and though it would be nice to have someone to do things with I am not inordinately lonely as I still feel him looking over me. I had never had a lot of same sex friends due to my career choice and have added some the last few years. When it does bother me is when I see a lot of long time couples here where I live many of whom have never gone through this.

My cousin's wife died after a fight with cancer and he reconnected with and married his high school sweetheart shortly thereafter. The two women were complete opposites and he had a bit of a hard time adjusting to the new wife's grown children as he had previously decided not to have any. He has basically had to readjust in a fundamental way but he's happy.
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Old 05-05-2014, 04:13 AM
 
Location: Colorado
1,969 posts, read 1,899,684 times
Reputation: 1723
Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
Sorry for your loss, Artisan.

My late wife died when I was 50 -- suddenly and without any warning signs. In our jawing sessions we'd talked about what we'd do if the other died. I'd encouraged her to remarry because she was so good at it, but I didn't think I'd ever be interested in anyone else. She guessed that I'd be the Merry Widower if she died before me, but she did request that I wait for a month.

I missed her so much I didn't even want to wait the month! In hindsight, I should have waited a year, at least before considering another life partner. A couple years would have been even better. I did have a few "lady friends" who I spent time with -- dinners out, dinners in, gambling junkets, photo excursions, little vacations. These were friends-only friends, and I had to make that clear in each case. They were good friends, but turned out to be a little jealous of my romantic interests when those came around. And I had a couple friends with benefits. They seemed genuinely happy when I fell in love with my current wife.

You'll find there are a great many available women in your age bracket, most who will say they don't want another marriage but change their minds after you get to know them. Just be careful. If you're anything like I was, your mind isn't working quite right now and won't be for awhile. Not only can you hurt yourself by getting back into a serious romantic relationship too soon, you can also hurt the nice woman you're dating. Just be careful, be honest, and don't make any promises for another year or two.
My mind is not working right-you hit the nail on the head. Yesterday I was filling the car with gas and started crying, that was embarrassing. I asked out a single woman with a three year old kid but that seems like a lot to take on, good thing she just wants to be friends.
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