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Old 06-12-2014, 08:35 AM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,247,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WellShoneMoon View Post
My husband and I were very happily married for almost 23 years. I will not marry again. I was his caregiver for the last five years of his life, and I never want to go through anything like that again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by artisan4 View Post
I completely understand. Caregiving is extremely stressful. I don't plan to marry again either.
My husband is still alive, but I have been caregiving for 3.5 years (brain cancer.) I have had this feeling many times - that when he dies, I will not remarry because I don't want to go through this again. When you are in your 60s, ill health and disability are ever present possibilities. So while I don't want to start again taking care of someone, I am aware that I will have no one to take care of me if I fall ill. It is sort of a conundrum. I am planning on getting a dog - not because it will replace my beloved husband, but because it will be some companionship and a living thing to focus care on. There's a part of me that really wants to be taken care of, and I really want companionship and a life which is more active, but there are drawbacks. Ultimately, it is just an unknown thing, and you have to make decisions as you go.
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Old 06-12-2014, 10:24 AM
Status: "Techno-challenged anonymous repper" (set 19 days ago)
 
1,151 posts, read 922,696 times
Reputation: 1957
G Grasshopper, that is SO true.
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Old 08-15-2014, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
10,712 posts, read 19,040,812 times
Reputation: 14653
I didn't want to put this in the grief forum (where I'd been posting most recently) - my husband just passed 3/1 - a very old friend of his took me to lunch today and told me that another friend (she knows her better than I do, but husband had known her longer) - called her yesterday to ask her if I was ready to date yet and she knows someone she thinks would be a good fit - it's only been 5 months!! I didn't even know what to say other than - "it's not even crossed my mind yet"
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Old 08-15-2014, 06:37 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
7,952 posts, read 6,706,083 times
Reputation: 10701
The answer is it has not crossed my mind but a polite social meeting is a good thing. Let the friend of the friend (I think I got the part.....LOL) arrange it and be there for the introductions.
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Old 08-15-2014, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,432 posts, read 24,199,022 times
Reputation: 24745
We all get one life. Some prefer to spend the rest of theirs alone after the loss of a spouse. Others decide to look and see what's out there. There is no right or wrong answer. It's what's right for you.

For me, I can honestly say I have been enjoying myself. I got married very young and never experienced much real freedom. I think of this sort of like getting a do over!

Dead is dead, wishing and grieving won't bring him back. So I am doing exactly what I hope he would be doing if the situation was reversed. Having the best possible life.
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Old 08-16-2014, 01:50 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,737,637 times
Reputation: 7078
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
My husband is still alive, but I have been caregiving for 3.5 years (brain cancer.) I have had this feeling many times - that when he dies, I will not remarry because I don't want to go through this again. When you are in your 60s, ill health and disability are ever present possibilities. So while I don't want to start again taking care of someone, I am aware that I will have no one to take care of me if I fall ill. It is sort of a conundrum. I am planning on getting a dog - not because it will replace my beloved husband, but because it will be some companionship and a living thing to focus care on. There's a part of me that really wants to be taken care of, and I really want companionship and a life which is more active, but there are drawbacks. Ultimately, it is just an unknown thing, and you have to make decisions as you go.
Exactly. I'm not in perfect health, and I know anyone I might become interested in wouldn't be either. I'm really not wanting to start over. I was married for almost 40 years, and even though my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly, so no caregiving was involved, I don't want to go through this kind of loss again. We were going to be the little old couple tottering through the park, holding hands. That didn't happen, and I can't imagine doing that with anyone else but my husband. I will most likely have my son to take care of me, so I won't die alone (unless I have a heart attack like my husband), and in the meantime, I have my pets, my friends, my work and my hobbies. I'm content. Not happy, per se, but content. Happiness may come at some point, but I'm good with content.
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Old 08-18-2014, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,172,988 times
Reputation: 3514
I got married early in life and my first marriage ended in divorce. (After a little over 6 years.)...I dated off and on for years until I got tired of dating and started focusing on myself and my education and my career plans and my sons, etc...Back then, I assumed I'd be single for the rest of my life and I was okay with it...I'd stopped "looking." Then, a wonderful man popped into my life as a friend. (Quite unexpectedly!) And, we eventually fell in love and got married...I want to stay married to my husband even though he's not with me in this life anymore. He's always going to be with me in spirit and in my mind and memories, etc...I have absolutely no desire to start dating.
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Old 08-19-2014, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,492,358 times
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My grandmother died in her 50s (I was a little kid) and my grandfather started dating within 6 months, and married the first woman he dated about a year after my grandmother died. It turned out to be the best thing for him. The woman he married had been a widow for about 30 years and she turned out to be a wonderful grandmother and very good for my grandfather (she was a health food nut and made him eat healthy lol!) Looking back, I think the second wife made him happier than my biological grandmother. They were like soul mates and were married until my grandfather died 30 years later. Plus she had two daughters who became aunts to me and brought in new family members.

The "second grandmother" just died last year and when I was talking to my aunt, I found out that when my grandfather first met his new wife, he was still grieving from my grandmother's death. So I'm sure it was tough for him, but it all worked out very well.
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:26 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
10,712 posts, read 19,040,812 times
Reputation: 14653
that's a nice story denverian

I actually wouldn't mind meeting someone to maybe have dinner or something with but I'm not at all financially stable, can't keep up the house (health issues, etc.) - so it's also a matter of embarrassment, etc. with me - I'm still so "lost" - don't know how long I can live here, where I would go, millions of things.
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Old 08-19-2014, 07:25 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,429 posts, read 18,139,040 times
Reputation: 18802
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamingo13 View Post
that's a nice story denverian

I actually wouldn't mind meeting someone to maybe have dinner or something with but I'm not at all financially stable, can't keep up the house (health issues, etc.) - so it's also a matter of embarrassment, etc. with me - I'm still so "lost" - don't know how long I can live here, where I would go, millions of things.
Same here, Flamingo. My house is messy and only once in a while does "the spirit move me". Then it's only for a short spurt because of my MS. I am content like Marcy and CA. This is the first time in my life that there has been no man in my life. I always had a bf in between husbands. Now I am completely independent. I miss Earl like crazy but I'm also liking this independence. Don't need to ask anyone for permission, opinion, etc. Like Earl did not like me buying a Prius instead of a truck. Then he moaned and groaned about the cat I traded the Prius for. He would have had a sh*t fit if he had been around for my next two trades. I finally have a car I am totally happy with.
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