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Old 05-04-2014, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Colorado
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My wife died of cancer three months ago. I'm not the basket case I was nowadays, but of course my life partner is gone and frankly I'm pretty lonely. I am 52. I wondered what others' experiences are/ were in this situation. Thanks.
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Old 05-04-2014, 08:15 AM
 
Location: East Coast
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I would proceed with caution. In the grand scheme of things, three months is not a very long time. Personally, I like the advice I received when I was widowed myself: wait a year before making any big decisions (like getting involved romantically, selling your house, etc.).

It's my observation that men generally start dating before women because of loneliness. Not that women don't get lonely, but I think they turn to their friends in a way that men do not. On the other hand, I wish I had a dollar for every newly-widowed man who began dating, then abruptly broke it off because he felt guilty.

This might not be what you want to hear, but these are some of the things I've seen over the years. Good luck to you in whatever you path you choose. It's not easy being widowed.
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Old 05-04-2014, 08:57 AM
 
Location: USA
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it's important not to hurry and remarry too soon, because your judgment is not as sharp as it will be later on. If you get too involved with a woman, you will be tempted to remarry fast, so move with caution. It won't hurt to date, but be very careful. There are some very nice women out there, but some are much nicer than others. You are more likely to hit the jackpot if you move slowly.
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Old 05-04-2014, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Venus
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There is no manual that says that a certain amount of time has to pass before you can start dating. That is up to you and you alone. However, like others have already said, proceed with caution. It is like when you have a breakup, there is that possibility of dating on the rebound. It is the same thing here. You don't want to end up with just anyone because you are lonely. There are worse things than being alone.

But, I think if you feel you are ready, going out on a date-dinner, a movie, whatever, is ok. Just don't jump into a serious relationship too soon. And that is advice for ANYONE who is dating.



Cat
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Old 05-04-2014, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Philaburbia
31,152 posts, read 57,274,608 times
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I'm very sorry for the loss of your wife.

There aren't any rules; my gut feeling is that I'll begin to consider dating again when I don't feel married any longer. After two years, though, I still feel married.

I'm also still emotionally drained after two year of caring for my husband as he went through various cancer treatments, and the ups and downs of remission and recurrence. I don't think I have the mental energy yet for another relationship, even a very casual one.

Best wishes to you as you move forward.
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Old 05-04-2014, 11:41 AM
 
Location: On The Road Full Time RVing
2,342 posts, read 2,785,721 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artisan4 View Post
My wife died of cancer three months ago. I'm not the basket case I was nowadays, but of course my life partner is gone and frankly I'm pretty lonely. I am 52. I wondered what others' experiences are/ were in this situation. Thanks.
I am sorry for your loss.

I went threw the loss of my first wife in 1981 by way of a divorce,
and it was the death of a marriage from that point on.

I stayed single for about 12 years and it was many year before
I went any where with another woman because I had
other things in life I wanted to do at the time.

I met and married my present wife in 1992 and we have
been married 22+ years.

Today I only look at marriage the way God does ...
Until death do us part ... no + no - seconds.

If my wife dies while I am writing this post, then I am fee to do as I will
I may go out on a date with another woman the next day
or maybe a year from then, and I don't care what others may think
because I do not live to please them.

I am 65 and She is 51 and I hope we live
and stay married the rest of our lives together for
many more years to come The Lord Willing ! ! !

.
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Old 05-04-2014, 12:26 PM
 
526 posts, read 704,688 times
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the nice thing about internet dating sites would be, I imagine, that you could explain your widower status before meeting the person. I knew a very, very close couple where the wife died of cancer -- since her illness was several years long, he was ready to reach out much earlier than someone who lost spouse suddenly.
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Old 05-04-2014, 12:50 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,690,207 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artisan4 View Post
My wife died of cancer three months ago. I'm not the basket case I was nowadays, but of course my life partner is gone and frankly I'm pretty lonely. I am 52. I wondered what others' experiences are/ were in this situation. Thanks.
My mom died and my dad was left alone. He remarried about two years after her death to a widow whose husband and died about a year before she married my dad.

There is no set time and wanting to be with someone doesn't prove you loved your spouse less. It can mean you're cut out for marriage -- you were happy being married and you won't be happy not being married or at least a partner.

You have to be somewhat careful because you wouldn't want someone who feels they must compete with your wife. My dad said he and his wife knew that it was only due to the tragedies of loosing their spouses that they were together, each would have stayed with their first spouse if they could have chosen, but that didn't make their marriage bad -- it was just they way they both knew it was.

My dad said it wasn't the same, his first marriage was as a very young man, to have and build a family with his wife. He said that doesn't really take anything away from the second marriage, it is just different. In his case, each had almost grown children which creates a set of problems he wasn't used to, but they took wonderful trips, spent a lot of good time together.
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Old 05-04-2014, 12:59 PM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,074,643 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artisan4 View Post
My wife died of cancer three months ago. I'm not the basket case I was nowadays, but of course my life partner is gone and frankly I'm pretty lonely. I am 52. I wondered what others' experiences are/ were in this situation. Thanks.
I have not been in this situation, but I can cite my mother's experience. She did not date for two years after my father died. At that point her dentist, the man who had once been our dentist when I was a child, who had been widowed asked her out. She had known him for decades, of course, and she did not date anyone else.

He proposed after half a year and they married. It was a far, far better marriage than the one to my father had been. She was 59 when she was widowed.
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Old 05-04-2014, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Colorado
1,969 posts, read 1,899,684 times
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Thanks for all the responses. It is weird being single again. I don't like being alone and honestly feel pretty discouraged about finding someone I 'click' with again. Just have to hang in there I guess.
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