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Old 05-06-2014, 04:47 PM
 
2,736 posts, read 3,172,415 times
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And all my I'm laws HATE ME, do I go to the funeral with my husband or not?
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Old 05-06-2014, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Orlando
1,792 posts, read 2,384,767 times
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I would leave it up to your husband. If he would like you to be there, go. It was his father, right?
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Old 05-07-2014, 01:05 PM
 
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Yes his Dad
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Old 05-08-2014, 11:15 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,702 posts, read 21,750,727 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bloominscranton View Post
And all my I'm laws HATE ME, do I go to the funeral with my husband or not?
If your husband is attending the funeral, you will be going with him. You will stand, at his side, as his wife. Please, don't make him needlessly suffer for the next twenty years because you didn't show up at the funeral. They'll still hate you, but at least they can never say that you didn't show up. lol.
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Old 05-09-2014, 04:33 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,219 posts, read 7,398,023 times
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Bloom, condolences to your hubs. I vote go with him to the funeral. If, as you say, his family "hates" you, not going to the funeral will only give them reason to say that you are cold and unfeeling and they've been right to "hate" you all along.

Don't give them ammunition. Gerania said it - stand by his side. After all is said and done, you are not there for his family; you are there for the most important man in your life.
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Old 05-09-2014, 10:33 AM
 
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Hubby preferred I not go. It is just too much for him to deal with, it is a sad enough day without added drama. His family has made it perfectly clear how they feel.
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Old 05-09-2014, 11:38 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,568 posts, read 21,748,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bloominscranton View Post
And all my I'm laws HATE ME, do I go to the funeral with my husband or not?

There are some family situations regarding in-laws that are untenable and irreconcilable.

This sounds like one of them. They know how he felt and how you feel. I'm sure it's no secret.
If you go there will be "talk" that you are doing it "to look good", that "you are phony" and even "why is She here?", although as your husband's wife you have every right to be there.

However, you have no obligation.


I'd pass it on this. Let you're husband attend his father's funeral with his family.

My guess is that they will talk about you either way so don't subject don't subject yourself to more abuse.

Instead, use the money that you would have spent on funeral attendance and go to a day spa.
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Old 05-09-2014, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Venus
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I am sorry you have to deal with in-laws who dislike you. (Been there, done that with my first husband.) You need to support your husband any way he needs you to. If he needs you to be with him, then be there. But, if he doesn't want the drama, stay home and be there for him when he gets home.



Cat
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Old 05-09-2014, 03:12 PM
 
Location: Central Bay Area, CA as of Jan 2010...but still a proud Texan from Houston!
7,484 posts, read 8,391,697 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bloominscranton View Post
Hubby preferred I not go. It is just too much for him to deal with, it is a sad enough day without added drama. His family has made it perfectly clear how they feel.
If that is the case I would stay away from the funeral. He has already passed...you can create your own peaceful none hostile environment to say good bye and wish his spirit well. You don't need to show up at a funeral that you are not welcomed to in order to do this.

If a family did not want me at their dads/moms/brothers/sisters funeral I would never consider it.

I do not want to be surrounded by people who don't want me around.

If it were your own dad this would be a different situation. However this is not your dad.

I feel bad for both you and your husband. You are in a marriage where his side of the family does not like you. He is married to a person that his family does not like. What a sad situation for both of you to be in.

If you don't mind me asking what have you done to create this situation between his family and you?

My brother has been married 4 times (twice to the same person). The last person he married (twice) is psycho and I mean truly psycho. She is not welcome in our family. She is not welcome at my mothers house and she knows she is not welcome at mine either. If my mom died I would put a restraining order on this person to assure she did not attend my moms funeral.

I can't imagine how this makes my brother feel...I am sure not good. But she showed us including all of my brothers life long friends who she really is. My brother has no one in his life that approves of who he is married to.

That is why I wonder what happened for his family to not like you?
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Old 05-10-2014, 07:00 AM
 
2,736 posts, read 3,172,415 times
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The truth is they never cared for me, I am the b_&ch from NY. They do not like that I will say what I think and feel to their faces and not behind their backs. Also, after all of them living in the same town for over 20 years with no contact with his ex wife and his children three years after we moved here they decided to be one big happy dysfunctional mess. I and my husband will not be apart of that insanity. This family ignored my husband's children their entire lives and when they were in their late 20's decided to reunite. I have no problem with that, I do have an issue with their mother being apart of it. Our son agrees with us that his mother can not be normal when it comes to us, after all he grew up hearing it was all his father's fault.
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