U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-25-2014, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,529 posts, read 16,033,280 times
Reputation: 39009

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by suzy_q2010 View Post
Perhaps your sisters could "share custody" of the coat.



It would be good to have it appraised before you get rid of any pieces not wanted by family members.

As far as dividing property among siblings, one method I have heard of is to get the estate appraised. Each person is then awarded a "virtual" share of the total value. Each item is then offered to the group as a whole first. If no one wants it, set it aside to be sold or donated. If only one person wants it, it goes to that person. Items for which there is more than one interested person are "auctioned" using money from the virtual shares. Each bidder would have to decide how much of his or her "inheritance" to "spend" on a given item.

Another way to do it is by lottery. A number of pieces of paper numbered and equal to the number of heirs is drawn. This determines the order in which the heirs may choose from the items being divided. Each person then chooses, in numerical order, what he wants most, continuing until everything is gone.

However, doing what your sister did with the coat is discouraged. It can create hard feelings.
I have heard of virtual "money" being used very effectively.

One method that I would avoid using, if possible, is "real money". An acquaintance of mine came from a large family (I believe 8 or 9 children) the executor of her mother's estate decided that they would allow each child to choose just one item and after that everything would be sold to the highest bidder using actual money.

My acquaintance was heartbroken because she was barely surviving financially because her husband was unemployed and several of her siblings were quite wealthy. She said that she had to sit by and watch her siblings out bid each other on everything that her late parents owned---including gifts that she and her children had given her parents for their birthdays and Christmas over the years. When it was all over the estate had earned some money that would be shared between the siblings but she was left with only a few small items that no one else wanted. She said that her two wealthiest sisters needed to rent trailers to take home all of the antique furniture, knick-knacks, collectables and stuff that they had purchased from the estate.

It was such a sad story. She said that she found out later that the wealthy sisters just threw away some of the items that they bought (ie. they bought them just to keep their siblings from having them). What a dysfunctional family!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-27-2014, 07:33 PM
 
5,502 posts, read 5,240,902 times
Reputation: 4765
Quote:
Originally Posted by ipaper View Post
June 18 2014 will be the first anniversary of my mother's death and nothing in her closet or room have been taken care of yet. When my father died several years ago, my mom and I got rid of his things about two months after his death, she took the lead on that. We gave anything of his to family members who wanted them and the rest went to the salvation army store. I have two sisters and a brother here in the same town and I have talked to them several times about going through her closet. I didn't expect much from my brother, but I thought my sisters would have taken the lead and do something by now. My mother had lots of nice things(clothes and shoes) and lots of hats. She was big into to hats for wearing to church on sundays and they are still in their boxes all across the top of the closet. Also lots of shoes and jewelry and undergarment, her personal toiletries, lotions, creams,and perfumes. MY youngest sister came over one day and took a very nice leather blazer out of the closet months ago and that was it. I'm thinking with them being the girls, they would have already done something by now. I can just see that as soon as I start to get rid of things, they will have a fit because I did it alone. I'm so tired of waiting on them and I can really use that room. The only thing I have is her bible, hair brush because of her hair in it, and some pictures. She have lots of things in boxes that I have no idea what is in them.
Send your family a notice of some kind - email or letter or phone call. Tel them that on _____ (date) you are going thru Moms' things, and you want to know if they want anything. if anything is left over you will donate items to Salvation ARmy.

Then just do that. If they want the stuff they will get it before its gone.. if not, they will keep on using your house as a spare closet.

keep what you want - what makes you happy - what brings memories that you want and the rest - give away.

if your family tries to manipulate you into keeping it past the deadline, tell them no.. because they will continue to use your house as a closet.

its not mean, its just practical.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2014, 10:35 PM
 
Location: sumter
7,300 posts, read 4,685,302 times
Reputation: 5944
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicagoMeO View Post
Send your family a notice of some kind - email or letter or phone call. Tel them that on _____ (date) you are going thru Moms' things, and you want to know if they want anything. if anything is left over you will donate items to Salvation ARmy.

Then just do that. If they want the stuff they will get it before its gone.. if not, they will keep on using your house as a spare closet.

keep what you want - what makes you happy - what brings memories that you want and the rest - give away.

if your family tries to manipulate you into keeping it past the deadline, tell them no.. because they will continue to use your house as a closet.

its not mean, its just practical.
Thanks for the advice, i have given out notices to everybody for the second Saturday in june. I'll see how that works out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-01-2014, 07:46 PM
 
5,502 posts, read 5,240,902 times
Reputation: 4765
Quote:
Originally Posted by ipaper View Post
Thanks for the advice, i have given out notices to everybody for the second Saturday in june. I'll see how that works out.
oh good i know you will feel a huge weight leave you when you are able to let those things go and make room for new memories and not to feel like you are providing a storage unit. its not cold hearted, its necessary for us to go on in life. those things are like a big weight around our neck.

I am going thru my stuff and a lot of things that meant something to me a while back now i am able to let go.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-01-2014, 09:39 PM
 
Location: sumter
7,300 posts, read 4,685,302 times
Reputation: 5944
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicagoMeO View Post
oh good i know you will feel a huge weight leave you when you are able to let those things go and make room for new memories and not to feel like you are providing a storage unit. its not cold hearted, its necessary for us to go on in life. those things are like a big weight around our neck.

I am going thru my stuff and a lot of things that meant something to me a while back now i am able to let go.
Thanks, I'm so looking forward. Also, knowing how my mother was, I know she would wanted this done already and for us to move on with our lives.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2014, 08:04 PM
 
17,220 posts, read 22,262,232 times
Reputation: 31364
Quote:
Originally Posted by ipaper View Post
June 18 2014 will be the first anniversary of my mother's death and nothing in her closet or room have been taken care of yet. When my father died several years ago, my mom and I got rid of his things about two months after his death, she took the lead on that. We gave anything of his to family members who wanted them and the rest went to the salvation army store. I have two sisters and a brother here in the same town and I have talked to them several times about going through her closet. I didn't expect much from my brother, but I thought my sisters would have taken the lead and do something by now. My mother had lots of nice things(clothes and shoes) and lots of hats. She was big into to hats for wearing to church on sundays and they are still in their boxes all across the top of the closet. Also lots of shoes and jewelry and undergarment, her personal toiletries, lotions, creams,and perfumes. MY youngest sister came over one day and took a very nice leather blazer out of the closet months ago and that was it. I'm thinking with them being the girls, they would have already done something by now. I can just see that as soon as I start to get rid of things, they will have a fit because I did it alone. I'm so tired of waiting on them and I can really use that room. The only thing I have is her bible, hair brush because of her hair in it, and some pictures. She have lots of things in boxes that I have no idea what is in them.
tell them the first box you went thru, had 300 dollars in it

you'll have plenty of volunteers after that
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2014, 09:05 PM
 
9,483 posts, read 15,085,779 times
Reputation: 15506
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
tell them the first box you went thru, had 300 dollars in it

you'll have plenty of volunteers after that
^^^^^^
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2014, 09:19 PM
 
Location: sumter
7,300 posts, read 4,685,302 times
Reputation: 5944
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
tell them the first box you went thru, had 300 dollars in it

you'll have plenty of volunteers after that
Lol, thanks.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2014, 09:26 PM
 
Location: Ohio
5,627 posts, read 4,668,374 times
Reputation: 6732
I wanted to add- be fair. There are things of my grandmas I wish I had but no one asked me. It hurts when you have a memory of something and you see it with someone else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-25-2014, 03:58 AM
 
15 posts, read 12,222 times
Reputation: 15
Hello,
I think you just donate some of the part and keeps some as her sweet memories...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top