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Old 05-27-2014, 12:25 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,613 posts, read 7,846,092 times
Reputation: 7509

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old_cold, we're here if you need us.

Take care of yourself, the first six months are crucial.
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Old 06-01-2014, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Florida
18,351 posts, read 18,622,561 times
Reputation: 21078
Oh my. I could let you all think I stood my ground but others....not just screaming cousin...convinced me that there were too many people that would want to be there and my own close family would sincerely enjoy hearing stories from friends before their time or that they were too young to remember.
Even the director of the funeral parlor was getting phone calls and mentioned a whole contingent of people from the career my husband retired from that always showed up en masse.
So I arranged with him a more traditional gathering ( at the funeral home,one of the only places that would hold the expected large numbers (over 200 and possibly more).
In my age group, I still kept insisting that many would....as we do ourselves...read the obit and mutter to themselves..."Gee, too bad, he was a great guy"....or "Wow....I didn't even think he was still alive"
Who do you think was right?
I'll give you a hint......."I'm always right, I'm Polish"!
Just a little over 100 showed up, making it look even more sparsely attended since the director reserved all the rooms of the funeral parlor for us.
Contentious Cousin, his wife and son were there and never even spoke to me.....less than a half dozen of all the dozens of people he was arguing for, showed up.
The very select and special people and I have already made plans for our own very symbolic memorial .
After this, it has been much easier to whittle that number down to those that really know the meaning ...half are dear relatives and the others are true friends.
Sorry to disappoint since I left you with the expectation of a good "gotcha" tale
But, I have to admit, it was nice getting to see many of those that did show up. Especially since we are gone over half the year and don't have as much opportunity as if we lived here full time.
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Old 06-01-2014, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Area 51.5
13,904 posts, read 11,034,611 times
Reputation: 9036
Now it's time for you to heal. Rid yourself of the toxins in your life. It's not always easy and you'll occasionally feel spasms of guilt, but you must take care of yourself first.
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Old 06-01-2014, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Florida
18,351 posts, read 18,622,561 times
Reputation: 21078
I sit here now and know that all that needed to be done, seen to, arranged, people that needing tending to.....even all that crap........it kept me going.
But now it's over, what needed to be done is done and everybody has gone back to their own lives and I'm thinking....OK Babe, you can home now.
But it finally really hit.....he can't.........and it hurts
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Old 06-02-2014, 03:00 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,613 posts, read 7,846,092 times
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Hugs, old, he is home. His heart and soul will always be with you.

One thing I learned when I lost my dad was that feeling torn apart writhing in grief might be what you think you should be doing, but it's not. Remember, he wants you to be happy. And it's OK to be happy. Don't grieve out of obligation to some moral code.

Another was to not be angry at what you didn't get but be grateful for what you had. One thing dad said to mom a bit before he passed was 'At least we had a good ride."

Every day is a gift.....{{{{{}}}}}
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Old 06-02-2014, 03:07 PM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,750,054 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
My husband, who was ill enough to be on the Hospice-at home program, just died on our way back north for the summer.
Rather than be concerned with what I want, I'm being argued with and told what I have to do as a memorial service /get together of some kind by some of those loving caring relatives of my husband.....you know....the ones that cared so much that they never called once, or only called once or twice, the whole 7 months we were in our winter/snowbird Florida home.
The loudest and most insistent being the one that lives two houses away and when there was a many-hours long power outage last summer at 4 AM, resulting in his oxygen machine shutting off and the pump sump in the cellar not working, so flooding and the generator needing to be started and everything hooked up........never even picked up the phone to see if he needed any help.
He stopped in days later to see how we made out.
I could go on and on but you get the idea.
He would never let them know how hurt he was and would never let me say anything but you gotta know that my tongue is practically bleeding right now from biting it.
You could do like I did to my father's sister, who lives in New Mexico and couldn't be bothered to come see him any of the times he was sick, nor would she come when my mother died (and it was her best friend in college), nor would she come when her own mother and father died, and left everything to my dad to take care of. Yet twice a year she goes to Europe for a month on vacation.

When I told her he had died, she kept calling me, telling me what to do about arrangements and the like, and then said, "But of course you know I can't take the time off work to come."

I told her, "On behalf of my mother & father, and your mother & father: F*** OFF."
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Old 06-02-2014, 03:14 PM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,750,054 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
I sit here now and know that all that needed to be done, seen to, arranged, people that needing tending to.....even all that crap........it kept me going.
But now it's over, what needed to be done is done and everybody has gone back to their own lives and I'm thinking....OK Babe, you can home now.
But it finally really hit.....he can't.........and it hurts
Oh... I'm so sorry.

He is already home, baby. I promise you. {{{hugs}}}
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Old 06-05-2014, 03:25 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,613 posts, read 7,846,092 times
Reputation: 7509
applause, convex......

old_cold, please keep posting........
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