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Old 06-18-2014, 08:42 PM
 
24 posts, read 42,033 times
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I am so trying to figure out a purpose besides coming home from work and playing candy crush! I'm just getting lazy. I don't want to rely on anyone to keep me entertained but trying to find how to fill the void in my life and having the motivation to do it. Four months since my husband died and he was in the hospital four months before he died. How do I restart my life?

Last edited by KarenL1958; 06-18-2014 at 09:07 PM..
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Old 06-19-2014, 01:22 AM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,848,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KarenL1958 View Post
I am so trying to figure out a purpose besides coming home from work and playing candy crush! I'm just getting lazy. I don't want to rely on anyone to keep me entertained but trying to find how to fill the void in my life and having the motivation to do it. Four months since my husband died and he was in the hospital four months before he died. How do I restart my life?
So Sorry...If it's only been 4 months since your loss you are doing great to work and get through your day..
My husbands illness was 3 intense months before he died..Those were heartbreaking months and I had to recovore from that too...

It took me years to feel like myself without a huge hole in my heart...Now I just miss the whole
life we had with the kids around ..
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Old 06-19-2014, 10:36 AM
 
5,177 posts, read 3,001,131 times
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It's certainly easy to get impatient when we are called upon to deal with uncomfortable feelings. That's the hard part. The good news is that the passage of time itself can resolve or soften much of what ails us.

So for me the question remains what to do with myself while I wait on time to do its healing work. Some of that is actual physical work. But I think the larger part of my task is internal and involves thoughts and feelings.

A friend of mine reminds me now and then that we are not human doings but rather human beings. I know that she's recognizing when I get caught up in believing that what makes me a good person is the amount of good things I do. And she's reminding me to recognize that it is the health of my spiritual nature that makes me a worthy person.

Sometimes I need to refocus on where my sense of worth comes from. When I'm stuck in having it come from what I do and what other people think of what I do I am running the risk of losing it.

I see this happen to some people in nursing homes who have become disabled and are no longer able to perform the tasks that gave them self worth. There they sit staring out the window. It's heartbreaking.

And I can't help but think we humans need something more, something spiritual in us, as a source to draw from to keep our heads above water in all the complications of a physical life.
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Old 06-20-2014, 05:26 PM
 
5,177 posts, read 3,001,131 times
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I hear the crickets!

Hoping I wasn't misunderstood. I'm not saying that finding good things to do that fill you up isn't important. And I'm not criticizing any posts. And I'm certainly not urging any particular religion on anyone reading.

It's just that I am thinking about how I address my own needs when I am trying to heal from grief.

Working in the medical field I was so glad that there is an increasing recognition that we aren't just bodies. Or just bodies and minds, but that we humans have three areas of need that should be addressed in healing - body, mind and spirit.

I guess that spirit part can be a challenge to contemplate in current society. But it can be as simple in a hospital as painting the rooms a soft, appealing shade, playing soothing music and addressing the patient with kindness.

And while I'm a product of the traditional Protestant upbringing, practicing good principles in my daily life has resulted in translation. I like to think about it as how I relate to others and my environment, my mood, attitude and recognition of how I fit into my world.
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Old 06-21-2014, 11:00 AM
 
Location: East Coast
2,878 posts, read 4,391,411 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KarenL1958 View Post
I am so trying to figure out a purpose besides coming home from work and playing candy crush! I'm just getting lazy. I don't want to rely on anyone to keep me entertained but trying to find how to fill the void in my life and having the motivation to do it. Four months since my husband died and he was in the hospital four months before he died. How do I restart my life?
You do it with baby steps...and sometimes it's one step forward, two steps back.

In the grand scheme of things, 4 months is a very short period of time. What was helpful to me was to find a support group where I could be with people who had experienced what I had. I also wish I had kept a journal. If you decide to do this, you will be very surprised at the progress you've made as time goes by. Good luck!
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Old 06-21-2014, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,176,988 times
Reputation: 3514
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
About 4 years ago I was living with my 2 high school boys & husband and my daughter, son in law & grandson were over 3 to 4 times a week..I was completely content to run my home & care for my family.
Cooking every night was wonderful.. My son's friends were over all the time & I loved that...
We had an old large farm house & 3 acres and my entire life revolved around family..

Fast forward 4 years..

2 boys are across the country, husband died, daughter is divorcing and is moving 5 hours away with my grandson..One other daughter is in Ca but she has been there 15 years..

I downsized and moved and now the busyness of repairs to old house , listing, selling, buying & moving
is over..I am settled in a small townhouse that is easy to care for..

I just found out about my daughters divorce and move and I feel like I am losing her, son in law & grandson. I know I will still see them but not every few days like I have. I have been very involved in my grandson's life up until now..

So I am lost about what to do that will give me purpose..I don't have to work but wonder if that would help
fill my time..If I work it will make it harder to visit the kids all over the country.
All the hobbies that seemed fun before seem pointless right now because I am depressed and also because they are not enough to give me purpose..They are just interesting time passers if that makes sense..

Has anyone else had their family disappear this fast..My life seems 100% different than a few years ago and I miss my old life..My townhome feels like a vacation rental and not in a good way.. I want to go home !!!
Sorry that you've been going through so many changes and adjustments. I'm sorry your husband passed-away..I can relate. My husband and sons and my entire family passed-away within a short span of time and I feel like I'm floating around in space at times. (With no foundation under my feet!)...I try to remember to pat myself on the back just for making it through each day. I'm not ready to "take on the world" quite yet.
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Old 06-21-2014, 07:52 PM
 
24 posts, read 42,033 times
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At times I feel like I'm doing so well, taking walks, exercising, spending quality time with Grandkids, and everyone says how great I am doing (which I absolutely hate) ..And then some days I walk into the parking garage after work and sit in my car and weep.
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Old 06-21-2014, 07:55 PM
 
24 posts, read 42,033 times
Reputation: 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by LibraGirl123 View Post
You do it with baby steps...and sometimes it's one step forward, two steps back.

In the grand scheme of things, 4 months is a very short period of time. What was helpful to me was to find a support group where I could be with people who had experienced what I had. I also wish I had kept a journal. If you decide to do this, you will be very surprised at the progress you've made as time goes by. Good luck!
Thank you so much. My husband was in the hospital for four months before he passed, most of which was in the ICU so it's been 8 months since he was in our home -- just another odd equation to the whole thing.
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Old 06-21-2014, 07:57 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,527 posts, read 29,246,638 times
Reputation: 21264
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
About 4 years ago I was living with my 2 high school boys & husband and my daughter, son in law & grandson were over 3 to 4 times a week..I was completely content to run my home & care for my family.
Cooking every night was wonderful.. My son's friends were over all the time & I loved that...
We had an old large farm house & 3 acres and my entire life revolved around family..

Fast forward 4 years..

2 boys are across the country, husband died, daughter is divorcing and is moving 5 hours away with my grandson..One other daughter is in Ca but she has been there 15 years..

I downsized and moved and now the busyness of repairs to old house , listing, selling, buying & moving
is over..I am settled in a small townhouse that is easy to care for..

I just found out about my daughters divorce and move and I feel like I am losing her, son in law & grandson. I know I will still see them but not every few days like I have. I have been very involved in my grandson's life up until now..

So I am lost about what to do that will give me purpose..I don't have to work but wonder if that would help
fill my time..If I work it will make it harder to visit the kids all over the country.
All the hobbies that seemed fun before seem pointless right now because I am depressed and also because they are not enough to give me purpose..They are just interesting time passers if that makes sense..

Has anyone else had their family disappear this fast..My life seems 100% different than a few years ago and I miss my old life..My townhome feels like a vacation rental and not in a good way.. I want to go home !!!
Sit down and write a list of all the things you wanted to do/see when you were 20.

do them.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 06-21-2014, 11:31 PM
 
9,457 posts, read 15,025,607 times
Reputation: 15414
Perhaps a pet? A dog is a lot of work, walking him, etc, which would give you a responsibility again. A cat can be a physical comfort if you get a cuddler. Take care........life still holds adventures and opportunities
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