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It seems like they are always there under the surface. I try not to fight them when they come as I know it is part of the grieving process but sometimes they just come at the wrong time.
I am now back home with my husband and my 11 year old and my wonderful doxies. My step dad passed away on June 15 so I am done caring for dying people for the time being. I certainly hope my husbands parents hold onto their health for a few more years. It has been a rough road starting with my sister dying in November of 2012 and then my mom getting sick at the beginning of this year and then my step dad along with her. I can honestly say though that as hard as losing my mom was it was harder with my sister since it happened suddenly and there was no time to say good-bye. My mom and I said all that needed to be said. I miss them all so much and I hate feeling so sad.
I can completely relate. It happens to me when I am pumping gas, or in my office. Creeps up on you and you have to shut the door quick. Not really great for a guy's image. Luckily hasn't happened on a date. Sick of it.
jkiss, I am sorry for all of you losses. Your sadness is part of your grief process, it is one of the steps but in time, that sadness will leave and new life experiences will make way. Hugs.
I am so sorry for your losses. I can relate. I have had multiple losses too and those tears are always there just under the surface. Fortunately for me I can control them most of the time in the presence of others. Not so much when I am alone.
I can control them too most days. Today I was sitting at a stop light and all of a sudden my eyes got hot with tears that is when I realized I was thinking of my mom and my sister. Ugh!! I know it will get better and while time won't heal the pain it will build scar tissue over this gaping hole in my heart.
I have that too. It is that gaping hole in one's heart! For me it is nearly six months since my son's death and things have gotten better. The periods in between the tears seem to be getting more 'normal'.
About twelve years ago my mother passed away. For years after I would see some elderly lady walking along dressed in a similar way to my mother or walking like she did and it would bring tears to my eyes. Sometimes someone would remind me of my late brother too.
If I want to search for that silver lining, I can say that grief has provided me with a temporary ( at least I hope it's temporary) solution to my ophthalmological condition, dry eye.
I haven't had to use any eye drops in a month.
It seems though, that rather than lessening, it's happening easier and more often. Maybe it's the numbness that's wearing off or that 'never' and 'forever' are becoming more of a reality.
There!See? Just typing those two words did it! Sigh.
I, too, have had tears come at the wrong time. Today it was at work. My mom passed away June 24th and then I had another jolt this morning of an unrelated sort.
I had to disconnect the service on her cell phone. I went to a Sprint store last week. They said I had to call Sprint. When I called Sprint, they said I had to go to a store to fill out a form with her SS#, address, name/address/phone # of the person handling her affairs, my name/address/phone #, a copy of the death certificate or obit. When I went to the second store, I was told that I had to go to a "Corporate Sprint store". I did that. The guy there said that I had to call Sprint, which I did while I stood there. I had to explain the same d@mn thing each time and each time the tears came.
I hope that you have a good support system. My sincere condolences.
jkiss, I'm so sorry for your loss. Believe me, you're not alone with the tears.
I lost my parents some time ago: my Mom in 1971 when I was 8; my Dad just 5 years ago. I know, it's been a while but there are days when I am just ready to break down and cry! On some occasions, I do cry. I can tell you about times when I'm driving and have to pull over because the tears start flowing. Not that I'm still grieving, but just remembering the good times and how much I miss them. At the risk of sounding "babyish", just to have someone hold me and tell me it's OK goes a long way.
It is perfectly OK to shed tears. Let it out if you gotta!
Tears are a good release...let them flow, then replace them with fond, upbeat memories of your loved one. I'm so sorry for your loss, and your grief.
I'm going through this process of grieving right now, even though my mom hasn't yet passed.
My mother is languishing and suffering a very prolonged, difficult death. We don't know how she's managed to "hang on" for the last 2 months, actually.
I cry every day...at home, so nobody sees. My tears are for her suffering, as well as for my own impending loss. It seems like I'm grieving twice as much - for her pain, as well as for the day when her death finally comes (they are saying another week at the most???).
It's all sometimes too much to fathom and accept, isn't it?
Recently, I've found that talking with friends about "happy memories" they have of my mom from years ago helps quite a bit. Also, even tried my hand at writing some poetry, a "homage" to my mother, who always was my champion and hero.
Maybe some of these ideas can help you...
Also, know that there are caring people, even here on CD, who both commiserate as well as support you...
A BIG hug sent your way...and God bless you!
-Dandiday
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Sigh.
Replace Tears with fond memories
