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Old 06-16-2014, 10:32 PM
 
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About 4 years ago I was living with my 2 high school boys & husband and my daughter, son in law & grandson were over 3 to 4 times a week..I was completely content to run my home & care for my family.
Cooking every night was wonderful.. My son's friends were over all the time & I loved that...
We had an old large farm house & 3 acres and my entire life revolved around family..

Fast forward 4 years..

2 boys are across the country, husband died, daughter is divorcing and is moving 5 hours away with my grandson..One other daughter is in Ca but she has been there 15 years..

I downsized and moved and now the busyness of repairs to old house , listing, selling, buying & moving
is over..I am settled in a small townhouse that is easy to care for..

I just found out about my daughters divorce and move and I feel like I am losing her, son in law & grandson. I know I will still see them but not every few days like I have. I have been very involved in my grandson's life up until now..

So I am lost about what to do that will give me purpose..I don't have to work but wonder if that would help
fill my time..If I work it will make it harder to visit the kids all over the country.
All the hobbies that seemed fun before seem pointless right now because I am depressed and also because they are not enough to give me purpose..They are just interesting time passers if that makes sense..

Has anyone else had their family disappear this fast..My life seems 100% different than a few years ago and I miss my old life..My townhome feels like a vacation rental and not in a good way.. I want to go home !!!
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:25 PM
 
Location: Louisville KY
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Try and set up a weekend or something to have them all visit, so you can see them, I'm sure they would all like to see you. If they knew and cared for your urge to see them, they would find a way to do so. I've been wanting to see my favorite sister and her daughters, but I don't think they feel the same, so I gave up, you however keep trying.

In the mean time, you could take up some sort of hobby, it doesn't have to be collecting or gardening, simply writing things, like poetry. You could start a blog on blogger or wordpress, so they could know how your life is going when they can't talk on the phone. I'm trying to come up with stuff, but that's all I got.
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:46 PM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,841,965 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaxRhapsody View Post
Try and set up a weekend or something to have them all visit, so you can see them, I'm sure they would all like to see you. If they knew and cared for your urge to see them, they would find a way to do so. I've been wanting to see my favorite sister and her daughters, but I don't think they feel the same, so I gave up, you however keep trying.

In the mean time, you could take up some sort of hobby, it doesn't have to be collecting or gardening, simply writing things, like poetry. You could start a blog on blogger or wordpress, so they could know how your life is going when they can't talk on the phone. I'm trying to come up with stuff, but that's all I got.
That is the good part..Lots of extended family all over if I travel and good friends I can visit too..
The kids all want me to visit and I will but with airfare it won't be that often..They are just getting started too and can't fly home more than a few times a year..

Hobbies aren't sounding fun like they used to and that isn't normal for me , so I think I am just blue..
A few months ago I was excited about cooking classes, painting classes, learning to shoot and finding a fishing friend..Even considering dating again..

Even writing that helps me realize that I am just reacting to the new news of my daughter's divorce and move...I do have interests..But I need a real purpose that is making a difference..maybe I should volunteer
in different places and see if any become a passion.. I have heard of people finding meaningful things that way..
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:57 PM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
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Kelly, I really understand your feelings. We had empty nested three of our four kids, and they were a couple of states away, but not more than a 9 hour drive. Then my oldest daughter and her four little ones moved to Hungary where her husband was stationed at the NATO base there; our younger daughter was busy with her family and our son moved to Texas, but we still had our youngest son living with us. Then, my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly, and I had no choice but to move from Colorado to Arizona~~sell the CO house and move into the AZ condo we had as seasonal snow birds. My life turned upside down. Although my youngest son came to AZ with me, so we could both grieve together, he's now living on his own a few miles from me.

After my husband died, I got really depressed, gained 30 pounds, cried constantly, felt sorry for myself, and I floundered. I have always been a seamstress, so I did a lot of sewing for the grands, but that got boring. Three years after my husband died, and still in my "funk", I had to do something, so I started volunteering at our condo complex, first on the Landscape Committee, then the Finance Committee, and finally the Book Club. This past Spring, I got up the nerve to run for the HOA Board of directors, and was elected. I've since made lots of good friends, and finally, 5 years after my husband died, I have a sense of worth. I also SKYPE with my grandkids, and I message them on their Facebook pages, or their parents pages. We talk by phone, but their not great conversationalists. Between texting, SKYPING, Facebook and Instagram, we seem to keep up really well. It's not ideal, but it's all I have, and I'll take it.

Have you thought about volunteering? The Library? Your townhouse's committee's? As an aide at an elementary school? Or, going back to school? Taking classes online? There's a lot out there, but it's hard to take that first step, but once you do, you may find lots of people with your same interests. It's not easy, it takes a first step which is excruciatingly hard to do because it means stepping out of your comfort zone, but once you do take that step, you may find a world open up to you..... I wish you happiness, comfort and peace, and hope that you can find what you're looking for.
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:58 PM
 
Location: Alabama!
5,802 posts, read 15,481,875 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
Hobbies aren't sounding fun like they used to and that isn't normal for me , so I think I am just blue..
A few months ago I was excited about cooking classes, painting classes, learning to shoot and finding a fishing friend..Even considering dating again..

Even writing that helps me realize that I am just reacting to the new news of my daughter's divorce and move...I do have interests..But I need a real purpose that is making a difference..maybe I should volunteer
in different places and see if any become a passion.. I have heard of people finding meaningful things that way.
Yes, it does sound like you're somewhat depressed, and who wouldn't be?
Those are huge changes in your life in a rather short time. It's amazing how children take every second of your time and every bit of thought and effort and then....disappear. Not really, but they don't need you like they used to.
Sounds like you need to get outside yourself and your situation...volunteering would be an excellent idea. Help someone else for a change.
Best of luck to you!
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Old 06-17-2014, 12:00 AM
 
Location: Louisville KY
3,928 posts, read 3,542,133 times
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Sounds like you're trying to find something to fill their void, you miss them too much. You have to make your own purpose, you said there's pretty much nothing to do for anyone anymore, so it's time to do for you. All those interest and hobbies you have is just a slight moment of happiness to pass the time, which is all they are for to begin with. Sounds like you're just in a slump.
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Old 06-17-2014, 12:04 AM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,841,965 times
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marcy..you have had lots of losses too..thanks for sharing..

I think you are right about volunteering..When I help others I am always in a better place emotionally..
Our church has opportunities I will check out..

Also I am headed in a few days to a 3 day beach trip..That means hours just sitting in the sand with the waves at my feet thinking & praying...That beach air helps me think (like a long drive does also)
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Old 06-17-2014, 12:04 AM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,359 posts, read 10,633,860 times
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You could get a job as a teacher's assistant in a local school district if you want to be around kids that would allow for plenty of time off for travel. I taught piano to individual students this past year in the charter school's aftercare program. After you get security clearance they let you propose any sort of interesting activity the kids may want to learn. It's surprising how attached the kids get to you. At the final class my favorite student said, "So does this mean I will never see you again?" as she gave me a big hug. Lots of kids don''t have grandparents around these days to talk to and their parents are busy. Very rewarding.
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Old 06-17-2014, 12:09 AM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,841,965 times
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at least in doing this thread I have realized I need more than hobbies..
I need to do something that I beleive is making a difference..
Then come home and enjoy an evening hobby...
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Old 06-17-2014, 01:29 AM
 
Location: Louisville KY
3,928 posts, read 3,542,133 times
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I was trying to help, I'm usually good at this stuff. Sometimes helping people helps yourself, or at least making someoneelse happy when you can't be.
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