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Old 08-01-2014, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
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It's always been easy for me to cry and admit to feeling sad. But, it's different with anger...I have to dig deep to get in touch with my anger every so often. (Because I know that anger is a step and stage in the grief process too.)...My anger doesn't usually last for long. But, my sadness can linger...If I walk around in a depressed state for hours on end, I know I need to cry. Or let my anger out..I need to "unclog" my system in one way or another.
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Old 08-01-2014, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
I think selfishness is the root of the cause of anger in grieving.. were so mad at that person leaving us...
I think some people side-step going through the (entire) grief process because they don't want to appear selfish. Or self-centered. Or mean or ungrateful or ??... I have a couple of widowed friends who seem to worry about their image. They don't want to be viewed as selfish. Or self-centered. Or weak or mean or crazy, etc....It's sad because I know they still have grieving left to do.

Last edited by CArizona; 08-01-2014 at 12:42 PM..
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Old 08-01-2014, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
I think selfishness is the root of the cause of anger in grieving.. were so mad at that person leaving us...
Probably. Anger? I had plenty of anger when my husband was ill and wouldn't see a doctor. By the time he sought medical attention, it was too late.
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Old 08-05-2014, 04:30 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,434 posts, read 18,150,188 times
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Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
Probably. Anger? I had plenty of anger when my husband was ill and wouldn't see a doctor. By the time he sought medical attention, it was too late.
I hear you, Gerania. Men, why is it such a crime to admit you are not feeling well??
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Old 08-06-2014, 12:05 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
I think selfishness is the root of the cause of anger in grieving.. were so mad at that person leaving us...
I agree, too. My anger came out of left field. I had been surprised I hadn't felt anger that Bob died, and then, a couple of weeks ago, I was looking at a picture of him (I have a framed 4" x 6" one on a table in every room) and it just blindsided me when I blurted out, "You left me you SOB! How dare you???? You went to the Dr. and promised me he gave you a perfect bill of health, and then a week later you up and die??? I hate you for that. I hate you for leaving me. Do you know how hard it's been for me? You b**st**d!" Which was a totally selfish reaction, but it felt good getting it out....
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Old 08-09-2014, 09:45 AM
 
Location: "Daytonnati"
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For me its more resent and bitterness at other couples, coupled with a sense of alienation. I am not angry with my late partner. More with myself for not doing more for him or taking him to the hospital when he said know and I knew I should have forced him to go. More with myself for not being a better lover and partner. Angry with myself, not at him.
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Old 08-09-2014, 11:09 AM
 
Location: SWFL
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Originally Posted by Dayton Sux View Post
For me its more resent and bitterness at other couples, coupled with a sense of alienation. I am not angry with my late partner. More with myself for not doing more for him or taking him to the hospital when he said know and I knew I should have forced him to go. More with myself for not being a better lover and partner. Angry with myself, not at him.
How long has it been now, Dayton? Anger at yourself is also normal. Two years here and I still find myself getting angry at myself for something I missed but had no way of knowing back then. Forgive yourself, hind-sight 20/20. It's over and done, no going back. We have to learn to stop killing ourselves with 2nd guesses.
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Old 08-10-2014, 12:26 AM
 
Location: Table Rock Lake
971 posts, read 1,133,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
I think some people side-step going through the (entire) grief process because they don't want to appear selfish. Or self-centered. Or mean or ungrateful or ??... I have a couple of widowed friends who seem to worry about their image. They don't want to be viewed as selfish. Or self-centered. Or weak or mean or crazy, etc....It's sad because I know they still have grieving left to do.
I don't know CA, I think it is more,"different strokes for different folks".

Since I found out that I had a hair trigger temper in the 5th grade and couldn't control my actions, I have suppressed my anger. Therefore I have never felt anger toward anyones death, just acceptance and sadness. Mostly I am relieved that they are no longer sick and I did what I could to allow them to live out their life as they wished and not as I might have wished.

It has been 6 1/2 years that my wife is gone and not once have I expierenced anger. I will admit that I was relieved in not having to support her in her belief which was different than mine. But before we were married I gave her my word that I would support her even when I didn't agree with her. My word is who I am, If my word is no good, then I am no good. We were engauged a year before either would commit to a wedding date. We were opposites in so many ways. I suppose that was one of many attractions. But it was difficult at times during the 53 1/2 years together.

So I will stick with the different strokes!
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Old 08-10-2014, 07:53 AM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,083,410 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayton Sux View Post
For me its more resent and bitterness at other couples, coupled with a sense of alienation. I am not angry with my late partner. More with myself for not doing more for him or taking him to the hospital when he said know and I knew I should have forced him to go. More with myself for not being a better lover and partner. Angry with myself, not at him.
I never heard my mother direct any anger toward my father...rather remarkable considering the fact they had an awful marriage. But she had always been an easily annoyed person who found fault with everything and everyone, and after my father died she became ragingly vicious toward other people.

Her sister's husband died about a month later (we lived in the same small town), and my mother was so abusive toward and about her sister that I would leave the house rather than listen to her rave like a demon. My aunt's marriage had been a very happy one, and I think that infuriated my mother; and, of course, it was a small town, and my aunt was suddenly the new widow and my mother was out of the spotlight.

There was an enormous amount of pretending about her marriage on my mother's part, and I cannot help but feel that she must have been furious about all the effort she put into prettifying a dreadful marriage in hopes of having people believe it was something it was not.
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Old 08-10-2014, 08:43 AM
 
Location: SWFL
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Oh my goodness, kev. Is your mother still alive? Is/was she still abusive towards your aunt? I'm sorry to hear you had to be witness to that.
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