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Old 08-09-2014, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Florida
18,290 posts, read 18,527,133 times
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Around here, usually it's noted in an obituary what, if anything, should be done with donations.
Among friends and relatives, a lack of funds is usually known without any need for a source to inform them.


Quote:
Originally Posted by BroadwayDiva View Post
it's believed that the bereaved should not be spending (too much) on the funeral costs, etc. .
That can be taken two ways
You all should admit that if someone is needy, there shouldn't be an expectation that cash gifts should be solicited to finance a $12,000 funeral.
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Old 08-09-2014, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Somewhere Out West
2,220 posts, read 2,034,064 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joe from dayton View Post
I've never heard of anyone giving money at a funeral.
Neither have I and I have presided over a lot of funerals. Donations to charities, sure - money to the family/relatives, a new one on me.
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Old 08-09-2014, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Florida (SW)
38,422 posts, read 18,177,990 times
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I think a cash gift in a condolence card would be very appropriate and welcomed by many families. Funerals are very expensive, flowers and food and clothing......all those expenses......if the deceased and their survivors were well off...perhaps .... a favorite charity...but otherwise a cash gift is thoughtful and often more needed for funeral than for a wedding.
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Old 08-09-2014, 04:45 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,613 posts, read 7,807,585 times
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Nope, never heard of it.
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Old 08-10-2014, 12:17 PM
 
163 posts, read 182,693 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Around here, usually it's noted in an obituary what, if anything, should be done with donations.
Among friends and relatives, a lack of funds is usually known without any need for a source to inform them.




That can be taken two ways
You all should admit that if someone is needy, there shouldn't be an expectation that cash gifts should be solicited to finance a $12,000 funeral.

You skipped the key words "in some cultures".
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Old 08-11-2014, 09:04 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,242,129 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
I actually never have either except for here in an old thread.
Me, either.

However, my husband relayed that where he grew up, folks would often do this at wakes. He is from St. Louis. He said that in Irish and Italian communities, especially, this was not uncommon.

I had another friend tell me that in the Polish community she lived in (briefly) it was not uncommon there, either.

Here in North Carolina, I have never heard of this. However, I do know folks who anonymously sent money to struggling families after the death of the breadwinner. I also know of many situations where communities have come together to start a "fund" (usually with a bank being trustee) to raise money for a family.
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Old 08-13-2014, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Here and there
441 posts, read 359,059 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Yes, it is very common (actually it is expected) in my area to give money to the family. Most people use their own condolence card but most funeral homes have blank cards and envelopes or just envelopes available for you to use.

However, it may vary by community or religion. I believe that there was a similar thread a year or two ago that you could check.
Very common here (Minnesota), too. I would not feel comfortable attending and NOT giving a card with money in it, actually..
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Old 08-13-2014, 04:25 PM
 
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Very common in my former state (MN)

At most Catholic wakes, there are 2 options to check on the envelopes......masses for the deceased or the family.

On my wife's wake last fall, it was about 80% for family and 20% for masses.
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Old 08-13-2014, 04:29 PM
 
59 posts, read 61,214 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Around here, usually it's noted in an obituary what, if anything, should be done with donations.
Among friends and relatives, a lack of funds is usually known without any need for a source to inform them.




That can be taken two ways
You all should admit that if someone is needy, there shouldn't be an expectation that cash gifts should be solicited to finance a $12,000 funeral.

( 1st part) In my former state most people couldn't care less what the obituary says regarding making donations.

They will still check off one of those 2 options and/or order flowers.
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Old 09-22-2015, 02:51 PM
 
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I never used to give money but then I heard it was appropriate in some cases. Some friends lost their son(52) unexpectedly and had to charge all the arraignments for his burial on their credit card. We gave money mostly because we knew they could use it. A few days after the service they called to say thank you for such a generous gift and then said "we'll probably use it to go out to eat!" That ticked me off. We thought it would help with their expenses but they saw it as free money. Foolish people and their money are soon departed.
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