U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-22-2015, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,585 posts, read 4,791,450 times
Reputation: 16506

Advertisements

It has nothing to do with need. In some areas it is just something that is done. For Catholics it could be for Masses, for others it could be used as they wish. It was more popular with the generation before me, my parents, aunts, and uncles, people that would be in their 90's to 110's if still alive.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-22-2015, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Islip,NY
16,942 posts, read 19,700,951 times
Reputation: 17204
Never had anyone give money at a funeral but tradition in our family is we put $100 bill in the pocket of the deceased. We did it for my dad, grandpa and Uncle. As far as money to the family who lost a loved one I have never given money.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-22-2015, 06:24 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,253,758 times
Reputation: 4554
I have never even heard of giving money at a funeral. I have lived in Wisconsin, California, and Texas, but have never seen this. I have seen people or groups give flowers. On the announcement for my husband's memorial, I asked that any donations be given to a specific charity in lieu of flowers. And no one gave any money at my husband's service, nor did I expect it. As mentioned above, I have seen trust funds set up for the support of orphaned children, and I have seen memorial scholarship funds set up when the deceased was a young person.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-25-2015, 04:52 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,602 posts, read 42,768,368 times
Reputation: 57286
Quote:
Originally Posted by Equal-Opp. View Post
friends of mine loss their adult unmarried son. Is it appropriate to give money in a card?
No.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2015, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Gray Court, SC
2,640 posts, read 1,747,667 times
Reputation: 2699
The ONLY time my family was given money was when my father died, and that was to be used for food. One of Dads coworkers came by and said he really didnt know what to bring, and saw most of the food we had already been given was gone, so he gave me a $100 and told me to go get something.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2015, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,495 posts, read 15,947,527 times
Reputation: 38855
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Yes, it is very common (actually it is expected) in my area to give money to the family. Most people use their own condolence card but most funeral homes have blank cards and envelopes or just envelopes available for you to use.

However, it may vary by community or religion. I believe that there was a similar thread a year or two ago that you could check.
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
I have never even heard of giving money at a funeral. I have lived in Wisconsin, California, and Texas, but have never seen this. I have seen people or groups give flowers. On the announcement for my husband's memorial, I asked that any donations be given to a specific charity in lieu of flowers. And no one gave any money at my husband's service, nor did I expect it. As mentioned above, I have seen trust funds set up for the support of orphaned children, and I have seen memorial scholarship funds set up when the deceased was a young person.
I have lived in Wisconsin my entire life and it has always been done at every funeral that I attended or have been connected to. Almost 100% of the people/families gave money at my fathers funeral 17 years ago in central Wisconsin. My cousins husband died a few months ago, near Milwaukee, and she later mentioned that almost 100 percent of the people attend ing his funeral gave money.
In my cousin's situation there were extensive unpaid medical bills & other expenses so I believe that people were extra generous in what they gave. My brother told me that he usually gives $20 at a funeral and he gave my cousin $150 (or something like that) to help pay for the after funeral meal.

So it must vary depending on other factors.

Last edited by germaine2626; 09-28-2015 at 11:27 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2015, 02:52 PM
 
11,685 posts, read 13,095,304 times
Reputation: 30980
I have never put cash in with a condolence card, nor can I recall anyone saying they did.

I did live in a small town as a young person and I know that sometimes when a poor family had a death people would sometimes take up a collection and present the money a group gift, or a fraternal organization might do the same. After the funeral only relatives and the pallbearers and very close friends were expected to attend a buffet at the family home, and sometimes neighbors would give you a casserole or whatever, and/or offer to help in the kitchen.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2015, 03:54 PM
 
Location: I am right here.
4,860 posts, read 3,720,200 times
Reputation: 15267
Yes, it's always done here. The deceased's family often has a charity or cause they want memorials given to, or if their are minor children, the money is used for them. Around here, obituaries will often have a line like "in lieu of flowers, memorials to <insert charity here> preferred."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2015, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Poshawa, Ontario
2,986 posts, read 3,158,770 times
Reputation: 5622
I've never heard of this in my life and think it would be insulting, to be quite honest.

I'm from a middle class white Anglo Saxon Protestant family with an Irish-Canadian background in Ontario, Canada.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-28-2015, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
3,785 posts, read 8,773,425 times
Reputation: 7334
Yes. I don't think I've ever been to a funeral where money wasn't given. It's done discretely and given to the closest relative, based on relationship. When my father died, for example, my mother's friends gave money to her; however, my personal friends gave me money.

In fact, my entire workplace collected money for me. It was incredibly kind of them for they knew that I did not get paid for time off and I had to miss a week of work for travel and to make arrangements. I'd never have asked anyone for help.

I've never found it insulting at all and my giving to others who have lost loved ones has always been done in the spirit of love, generosity, and kindness. If you don't need the money, then you would be expected to donate it to a charity and then you would mention that donation in the thank-you card.

I've always considered it a way for a community to rally behind the grieving & offer support.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top