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Old 09-28-2015, 05:06 PM
 
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Wow, I grew up in Minnesota and had never heard of this either.
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Old 09-28-2015, 05:17 PM
 
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Oh no....no money.
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Old 09-28-2015, 06:08 PM
 
Location: I am right here.
4,860 posts, read 3,723,034 times
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I'm in MN.

When DH died, about 95% of the sympathy cards contained money.

When my mother died, again, about 95% of the cards contained money.

When my grandparents died, the majority of the cards contained money.

I DISTINCTLY remember all of these, because I was the one who wrote the majority of the thank you cards for all of those memorials.
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Old 09-28-2015, 06:18 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,636 posts, read 42,792,739 times
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I know that when my mother died at 40, when my siblings and I were children, some money was received. I remember getting ice skates with the money.
I can tell you for sure that no money was solicited by my family. However, fast forward to adulthood. I have noticed that some obituaries say, "condolences may be sent to...." I guess that means money, but I don't know.
My feeling is that some cultures think of a death as an excuse for a shake down for money, but most do not. if there is a situation where the family is lacking funds for the funeral expenses, then that is different.
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Old 09-28-2015, 09:58 PM
 
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I wrote earlier that I received no money, nor expected it, when my husband died. (I live in Texas.) But I have to revise that. I just remembered that, among the MANY sympathy cards I received, one had $50 in it. I was shocked, and didn't know what to do. I asked a few friends at church and even the pastor. I finally came to the conclusion that the best thing to do was to donate it to my husband's designated charity (the one he had asked to be used if people wanted to make a charitable donation in his name) and I send a thank you card to the person who sent the money, telling her what I was doing with it. I received a great deal of support from my church community in the way of cards, food (lots of food), calls, flowers, and many, many hugs and prayers. But that one card was the only money. I'm glad no one else did this. It made me very uncomfortable at the time. This must be something that has a lot of geographical variability. I mentioned that I don't remember it in Wisconsin. But to be fair, I left there when I was 17, and perhaps I didn't know that in adult circles, there were such donations that I would not have know about. And Germaine2626, I grew up in Central Wisconsin. Your comments make me think that perhaps this is common there, but I just didn't know it. But as for California and Texas, I don't think this happens much, or is expected.
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Old 09-29-2015, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,586 posts, read 4,795,200 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I know that when my mother died at 40, when my siblings and I were children, some money was received. I remember getting ice skates with the money.
I can tell you for sure that no money was solicited by my family. However, fast forward to adulthood. I have noticed that some obituaries say, "condolences may be sent to...." I guess that means money, but I don't know.
My feeling is that some cultures think of a death as an excuse for a shake down for money, but most do not. if there is a situation where the family is lacking funds for the funeral expenses, then that is different.
Voluntarily putting money in a card is far from a shakedown. The obits that ask to donate for the funeral expenses or kids college fund would be a shakedown.
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Old 09-29-2015, 12:15 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,071 posts, read 13,766,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Equal-Opp. View Post
friends of mine loss their adult unmarried son. Is it appropriate to give money in a card?
Yes,very. Just don't make a production out of it--like handing card over at funeral,etc. Mail it!!!!!!!
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Old 09-29-2015, 04:02 PM
 
3,967 posts, read 5,255,783 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Equal-Opp. View Post
friends of mine loss their adult unmarried son. Is it appropriate to give money in a card?
I think the answer is "it depends" on where you are and local customs, and probably on the circumstances.
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Old 09-29-2015, 06:18 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,499 posts, read 15,961,355 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
I have never put cash in with a condolence card, nor can I recall anyone saying they did.

I did live in a small town as a young person and I know that sometimes when a poor family had a death people would sometimes take up a collection and present the money a group gift, or a fraternal organization might do the same.
After the funeral only relatives and the pallbearers and very close friends were expected to attend a buffet at the family home, and sometimes neighbors would give you a casserole or whatever, and/or offer to help in the kitchen.
That is very different from my experience.

At every funeral that I attended, whether in Wisconsin or in Florida, every person attending the funeral was invited to the meal after the funeral ceremony or after the burial. Sometimes, it was held at a restaurant or a hall but often in the church basement. The family of the deceased, or the estate, paid for it. When my mother-in-law died the meal was held at a mid-priced restaurant about 7:30 PM and people ordered full meals off the menu plus had drinks (needless to say it ended up being very expensive --- but we were just happy so many of her friends and relatives could be there).

I have attended several after funeral meals where there were well over 100 people in attendance, these were catered meals, often held in large halls.
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Old 09-30-2015, 07:13 AM
 
3,967 posts, read 5,255,783 times
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Wow. Things are so different in different places. Here in Texas, the church put on a dinner after my husband's service. All volunteer, all free, all food that was pot-lucked, for everyone attending the service. That is how they did it for every memorial or funeral I have seen at this church.
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