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Old 09-30-2015, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
3,785 posts, read 8,762,556 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
That is very different from my experience.

At every funeral that I attended, whether in Wisconsin or in Florida, every person attending the funeral was invited to the meal after the funeral ceremony or after the burial. Sometimes, it was held at a restaurant or a hall but often in the church basement. The family of the deceased, or the estate, paid for it. When my mother-in-law died the meal was held at a mid-priced restaurant about 7:30 PM and people ordered full meals off the menu plus had drinks (needless to say it ended up being very expensive --- but we were just happy so many of her friends and relatives could be there).

I have attended several after funeral meals where there were well over 100 people in attendance, these were catered meals, often held in large halls.
Oh, wow, I cannot imagine that, in addition to dealing with death of loved one, having to cater or pay for funeral goers. That is just so insane to me.

In my experiences, the funeral home would have a reception room set up during visitation.

Day of the funeral, the church always had a reception that was completely taken care of by volunteers and everyone was welcome to that. After that, close family and friends would always meet at one of the family homes. If you went to the family home, you would bring a meal or gift certificate to a restaurant for the family.
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Old 09-30-2015, 11:06 AM
 
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I offer it but if the deceased doesnt take it I put it back in my pocket
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Old 09-30-2015, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,577 posts, read 4,782,672 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
That is very different from my experience.

At every funeral that I attended, whether in Wisconsin or in Florida, every person attending the funeral was invited to the meal after the funeral ceremony or after the burial. Sometimes, it was held at a restaurant or a hall but often in the church basement. The family of the deceased, or the estate, paid for it. When my mother-in-law died the meal was held at a mid-priced restaurant about 7:30 PM and people ordered full meals off the menu plus had drinks (needless to say it ended up being very expensive --- but we were just happy so many of her friends and relatives could be there).

I have attended several after funeral meals where there were well over 100 people in attendance, these were catered meals, often held in large halls.
I've been to many like that.

When it happens at churches the ones I know about expect a large contribution for the meal. The restaurant idea is better.
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Old 09-30-2015, 09:07 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,471 posts, read 15,913,707 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
That is very different from my experience.

At every funeral that I attended, whether in Wisconsin or in Florida, every person attending the funeral was invited to the meal after the funeral ceremony or after the burial. Sometimes, it was held at a restaurant or a hall but often in the church basement. The family of the deceased, or the estate, paid for it. When my mother-in-law died the meal was held at a mid-priced restaurant about 7:30 PM and people ordered full meals off the menu plus had drinks (needless to say it ended up being very expensive --- but we were just happy so many of her friends and relatives could be there).

I have attended several after funeral meals where there were well over 100 people in attendance, these were catered meals, often held in large halls.
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
Wow. Things are so different in different places. Here in Texas, the church put on a dinner after my husband's service. All volunteer, all free, all food that was pot-lucked, for everyone attending the service. That is how they did it for every memorial or funeral I have seen at this church.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bande1102 View Post
Oh, wow, I cannot imagine that, in addition to dealing with death of loved one, having to cater or pay for funeral goers. That is just so insane to me.

In my experiences, the funeral home would have a reception room set up during visitation.

Day of the funeral, the church always had a reception that was completely taken care of by volunteers and everyone was welcome to that. After that, close family and friends would always meet at one of the family homes. If you went to the family home, you would bring a meal or gift certificate to a restaurant for the family.
I believe that in the past most churches had a group of women (mostly SAHMs) who prepared food for funerals but now it is harder to find people who are available during the day to do that.

I remember a funeral that I attended a number of years ago in a small rural church. There used to be a fairly large group of women that took turns preparing & serving the food for funerals of fellow church members. At the time that my cousin passed away, I believe that the group was down to five women, the youngest was in her mid 60s and the others were in their 70s and 80s. Since it is now ten years later I would surprised if they have enough volunteers left to do it.
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Old 09-30-2015, 09:29 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 4,816,219 times
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This is very area dependant....money was hit or miss in our area...but a meal and wake...potluck or homemade or catered was always common. I know the ladies of the churches sometimes helped.....but it was not put on by them....it was family.

Bringing food before the funeral is not common.....but I will tell you....when my MIL died....some neighbors from down the road....that we didn't even know she knew well....brought over large tin foil trays of a pasta bake item, banana pudding and another of veggies.....and a treat for her dog (which is how they knew each other).

Let me tell you...the days just before and after the funeral.....we were all numb....and it was one less thing we worried about...feeding the grandkids..ourselves.... etc etc. It was so appreciated. I don't think I could pick that mother and daughter out of a crowd at this point...but we still talk of their thoughtfulness.
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Old 10-05-2015, 02:35 PM
 
254 posts, read 196,590 times
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I provided a memorial luncheon for my husband. We could have done it potluck style at Church after the service but I wanted everyone to be comfortable not worry about having to make food and clean up and they don't all attend Church and I know a few wanted some cocktails. It was expensive but thank God my sister and her husband paid for it and when I got Mike's life insurance I paid them back.

Several people had been donating over the last year to Mike's Go Fund Me to help with our medical costs and several sent or gave me cards with money to help defray funeral and other costs.

I don't see anything wrong with is. it is what it is. it's financially exhausting after battling a major disease, loss of spouse income, and final arrangements. If people want to give they should but no one should feel obligated.
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Old 11-05-2015, 01:10 PM
 
Location: U.S.
1,581 posts, read 4,768,954 times
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I just lost my dad about 2 weeks ago now and this thread caught my eye. After he passed, we were actually all very much surprised when we started opening cards and found money inside some of them. It struck me as odd at first, but then through some conversations with others, i realized that its really meant to be of help to the family. I think people acknowledge the significant cost of even a basic funeral these days and although my mother was able to cover the bulk of the cost and us kids pitched in for some of the "extras" (reception, flowers, etc) - the cost for all of it came to about $20,000. I think its a nice gesture and will do the same moving forward. In our case since we didn't "need" the money to cover the costs, my mom has decided to split the money she received 4 ways on the condition that we all donate the money to our favorite charity. In my case, my dad was a a huge soccer fan so I will be taking my share of the money and buying a bunch of new soccer balls for an organization that sends them to poorer countries so kids can have new soccer balls to play with.
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Old 11-05-2015, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Fairfield, CT
5,530 posts, read 8,186,609 times
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I have never given or received money at a wake. That's a practice that I never heard of before.
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Old 11-05-2015, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Somewhere between chaos and confusion
280 posts, read 151,448 times
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When my dad died and my mother in law did, we received donations for the church in lieu of flowers, but never have I ever given actual money or received money for my own spending.
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Old 11-05-2015, 07:26 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 5,364,709 times
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No and I've never heard of it, it would be considered offensive in Australia for your average Aussie.

However a friend recently died Overseas and medicvaccing cost big dollars, there was fundraising before the funeral to cover the costs.

There is always a wake. But they raised enough before hand to pay for it all.
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