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Old 08-22-2014, 08:32 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,185,519 times
Reputation: 3514

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DandiDay View Post
Thank you, and likewise, my condolences to you to...it's so difficult losing both parents.

Interesting that you experienced something similar!
The will to live is just so strong, so powerful. So, it seems we do perhaps have to voice permission for the dying to accept this as well, and to "go" in peace.

Again, thank you for the very thought-provoking post.

Blessings to you,

Dandiday
Wanted to share a little more...From the time that I was small, my Mom used to tell me that she was going to "go fast" when it was her time to die. She said she didn't want to stick around and suffer or be a burden on anyone when she got older...She really went out of her way to warn me that there wouldn't be time to say "goodbye" when she died...My Mom was strong and healthy all her life and she had a positive nature...Then, one day, just out of the blue, she had a massive heart attack and died instantly. (When she was 72.) No one had a chance to say "goodbye" to her. Not even my Dad...I'm glad my Mom warned me that she planned to "die fast." This gave me peace concerning her death...But, it was still sad and hard to lose her. I still miss her. She was my very best friend! Sorry you lost your Mom too.
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Old 08-27-2014, 07:39 PM
 
Location: East Coast
673 posts, read 553,489 times
Reputation: 642
Default losing your best friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Wanted to share a little more...From the time that I was small, my Mom used to tell me that she was going to "go fast" when it was her time to die. She said she didn't want to stick around and suffer or be a burden on anyone when she got older...She really went out of her way to warn me that there wouldn't be time to say "goodbye" when she died...My Mom was strong and healthy all her life and she had a positive nature...Then, one day, just out of the blue, she had a massive heart attack and died instantly. (When she was 72.) No one had a chance to say "goodbye" to her. Not even my Dad...I'm glad my Mom warned me that she planned to "die fast." This gave me peace concerning her death...But, it was still sad and hard to lose her. I still miss her. She was my very best friend! Sorry you lost your Mom too.
Thank you for the sentiment. Still trying to deal with her passing - only 6 weeks ago now. Also, it was my birthday yesterday, and of course, she's the reason I'm here...so that made it bittersweet.

I'm sorry for your loss, too. It sounds like your mom had a "plan" when it was her time! Interesting that it did work out that way...At least she didn't have to suffer. But, that certainly doesn't make it easier for those of you whom she left behind.

hugs, Dandiday
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Old 08-28-2014, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,185,519 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DandiDay View Post
Thank you for the sentiment. Still trying to deal with her passing - only 6 weeks ago now. Also, it was my birthday yesterday, and of course, she's the reason I'm here...so that made it bittersweet.

I'm sorry for your loss, too. It sounds like your mom had a "plan" when it was her time! Interesting that it did work out that way...At least she didn't have to suffer. But, that certainly doesn't make it easier for those of you whom she left behind.

hugs, Dandiday
Happy belated birthday...So sorry you lost your Mom. It hasn't been that long...I think I probably handled my Mom's death the best because she talked about leaving since I was small. And, she seemed confident and matter-of-fact about it...Of course I was crushed when she died and I still miss her. But, her certainty about dying on her own schedule gave me a sense of security. (Or?) I just felt she'd do okay in the afterlife...I plan to follow in my Mom's footsteps. I don't want to stick around and suffer or be a burden on anyone either. One day I'll just "drop fast." (Like my Mom did.)
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Old 08-28-2014, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,185,519 times
Reputation: 3514
Quote:
Originally Posted by DandiDay View Post
Thank you for the sentiment. Still trying to deal with her passing - only 6 weeks ago now. Also, it was my birthday yesterday, and of course, she's the reason I'm here...so that made it bittersweet.

I'm sorry for your loss, too. It sounds like your mom had a "plan" when it was her time! Interesting that it did work out that way...At least she didn't have to suffer. But, that certainly doesn't make it easier for those of you whom she left behind.

hugs, Dandiday
Little more...All of my family members "left" before they really started to suffer..The only exception is my younger son who was the last one to die. He tried hard to stick around because he knew I wouldn't have any family left (at all) when he died...We had some long talks and I told him I didn't want him to suffer and suffer...I gave him permission to "go." It was sad for both of us but he just couldn't stop the brain tumors from growing back and causing all kinds of complications...I've been through so many deaths. I honestly think we all have our very own timetable...We may not understand timetables while we're on earth. (Especially when people die so young.)...But, I figure I'll learn more about timetables (and everything) when I join my loved ones in the afterlife one day.
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Old 08-28-2014, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Central Florida
3,070 posts, read 1,582,732 times
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Some of you have such a positive outlook on this subject. I am very down about losing my dad this past week. He died of a horrible form of cancer that reduced him to 75 pounds of what used to be my father. I miss him terribly and wish my attitude was as good as some of you.
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Old 08-28-2014, 10:32 PM
 
Location: NW AR
2,438 posts, read 2,045,081 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by budlight View Post
Some of you have such a positive outlook on this subject. I am very down about losing my dad this past week. He died of a horrible form of cancer that reduced him to 75 pounds of what used to be my father. I miss him terribly and wish my attitude was as good as some of you.
It's very tough but it's good to talk through it. Keep talking, because it makes you feel. It's really, really tough to lose dad. I am so sorry. My dad looked just like me ( or I looked just like him). We were the same but opposite and very head strong. I had to bury my father and foot the bill. ( which I did) I saw so much of me in his face. I was right by him when he died. His death was awful. It was beyond awful.

My grandfather died like your dad.. but he didn't have cancer. If you need to talk.. just pm me Or DM me ( or whatever it is)
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Old 08-29-2014, 11:21 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,799 posts, read 21,852,548 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Wanted to share a little more...From the time that I was small, my Mom used to tell me that she was going to "go fast" when it was her time to die. She said she didn't want to stick around and suffer or be a burden on anyone when she got older...She really went out of her way to warn me that there wouldn't be time to say "goodbye" when she died...My Mom was strong and healthy all her life and she had a positive nature...Then, one day, just out of the blue, she had a massive heart attack and died instantly. (When she was 72.) No one had a chance to say "goodbye" to her. Not even my Dad...I'm glad my Mom warned me that she planned to "die fast." This gave me peace concerning her death...But, it was still sad and hard to lose her. I still miss her. She was my very best friend! Sorry you lost your Mom too.
My mother did almost the same thing. She asked me, told me for years that I was not to let her linger in a nursing home. I had medical power of attorney, and it was my job to make sure that didn't happen. About five years ago, she told me that she was going to die in her sleep. She sort of did. She had a massive stroke and never regained consciousness. I didn't "really" get to say goodbye. It wasn't necessary; I had spoken with her the day before. I talked with her nearly every day. I'm just sorry that I hadn't seen her in a while. I still miss mom. She was my best friend, too.
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Old 09-02-2014, 06:56 PM
 
549 posts, read 821,692 times
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It is hard to "give up control" but that is exactly what death is. You can not control it. It happens to all of us. I don't think I am there yet accepting the death of my sister or my mom. I hate it every damn day. I don't know if I will ever get to the point where it doesn't hurt but some days are better than others.

I also told my mom it was ok to let go and that I would be ok and I would take care of her animals. I know she worried about me and she loved her animals. I am blessed to be in a place where I was able to take all of them.
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Old 09-03-2014, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,539,481 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by budlight View Post
Some of you have such a positive outlook on this subject. I am very down about losing my dad this past week. He died of a horrible form of cancer that reduced him to 75 pounds of what used to be my father. I miss him terribly and wish my attitude was as good as some of you.
I'm going through the same with my dad, but he's just entered hospice care. I don't know what's worse... having loved ones die suddenly, or this, knowing it's coming, having to see them deteriorate and go downhill over time. My dad was able to come visit us in May (he lives 700 miles away) and we had some good conversations, he laughed and played with his grandchildren, and then they had to leave. I remember hugging him and giving him a kiss the last day when they were leaving and I had to go to work. It's so hard to go through that, but I guess at least I have that last moment with him. I talked to him on the phone a couple weeks ago, but will probably never be able to speak to him again.

I've never had to deal with death of a close relative like this, but putting my beloved dog down a couple years ago gave me an idea of this grieving process. I remember having three days after her death where I couldn't eat and didn't want to be alone. I physically hurt and just felt the worst depression, cried a lot, etc. Then on the 4th day, it was like my body said, "ENOUGH!". And I felt good that day, with just intermittent moments where I grieved. Those moments came to me about every day for the next 6 months, where I'd cry for a minute. But it got better. I think that's how it'll be when my dad dies, and eventually I'll just have positive thoughts about him.
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Old 09-21-2014, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,185,519 times
Reputation: 3514
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
My mother did almost the same thing. She asked me, told me for years that I was not to let her linger in a nursing home. I had medical power of attorney, and it was my job to make sure that didn't happen. About five years ago, she told me that she was going to die in her sleep. She sort of did. She had a massive stroke and never regained consciousness. I didn't "really" get to say goodbye. It wasn't necessary; I had spoken with her the day before. I talked with her nearly every day. I'm just sorry that I hadn't seen her in a while. I still miss mom. She was my best friend, too.
I'm sorry you lost your Mom and best friend. Good that you talked to her everyday...My Mom has been gone since 1993. I always feel happy when I see parts of my Mom in myself...It's as if she's still alive through me. (And inside of me.)...I feel this way about all of my family members who died. They "live-on" through me. I've adopted a lot of their mannerisms and characteristics. I can still hear their voices in my head at times...So, I feel like they are definitely with me "in-spirit" even though their bodies have turned to ashes.
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