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Old 08-11-2014, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,176,988 times
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Death teaches us that some things are beyond our control. Don't you think?...I had to stand back and let my loved ones "go" because I didn't have the power or the ability to "heal" them...I couldn't make their cancer or heart problems or other illnesses "go away." It was all out of my hands.
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Old 08-11-2014, 10:43 AM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,087,938 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Death teaches us that some things are beyond our control. Don't you think?...I had to stand back and let my loved ones "go" because I didn't have the power or the ability to "heal" them...I couldn't make their cancer or heart problems or other illnesses "go away." It was all out of my hands.
That is a great observation. The truth that we avoid all our lives is that the thing we value most we ultimately will lose.
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Old 08-11-2014, 02:01 PM
 
Location: SWFL
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Those are both good observations, CA and kev.
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Old 08-11-2014, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
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Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
That is a great observation. The truth that we avoid all our lives is that the thing we value most we ultimately will lose.
I agree with you...We hear death mentioned in our wedding vows. ("Until death do us part.").. But, I never worried about losing my husband. He always seemed so healthy and youthful and alive and vibrant, etc...I had no idea he would develop pancreatic cancer and die in his 60's...I never expected to lose both of my sons so early in their lives...These days, I don't claim to know everything! Or anything!...Who knows what's around the next corner? I'm not "cocky" or "sure-footed" anymore.
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Old 08-11-2014, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
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Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Those are both good observations, CA and kev.
Thanks Tami...I've felt like a "failure" as a mom because I couldn't do more to help my sons. But in the end, it was just out of my control...I'm not God or master of the universe! Some things are out of my control...Hopefully, I'll find more peace by accepting that I just don't have control over everything.
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Old 08-12-2014, 12:10 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,276,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Thanks Tami...I've felt like a "failure" as a mom because I couldn't do more to help my sons. But in the end, it was just out of my control...I'm not God or master of the universe! Some things are out of my control...Hopefully, I'll find more peace by accepting that I just don't have control over everything.
Maybe that is what "acceptance" truly means -- that we come to the point where we fully realize that there are things we cannot control so we must accept that it is beyond our power to change the outcome.

At some point, life isn't ours to "manage." It is like controlling a tornado. We can find shelter from the storm when we go down to the cellar, but the wind can rip into those recesses and still snuff out the lives we are trying so hard to sustain and protect. We do the right things but it isn't always in our power to keep that roaring wind at bay.

There can be real peace in acceptance.
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Old 08-12-2014, 01:04 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
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Getting to the point of acceptance is a very bumpy, introspective and heartbreaking trip.
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Old 08-12-2014, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,176,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Maybe that is what "acceptance" truly means -- that we come to the point where we fully realize that there are things we cannot control so we must accept that it is beyond our power to change the outcome.

At some point, life isn't ours to "manage." It is like controlling a tornado. We can find shelter from the storm when we go down to the cellar, but the wind can rip into those recesses and still snuff out the lives we are trying so hard to sustain and protect. We do the right things but it isn't always in our power to keep that roaring wind at bay.

There can be real peace in acceptance.
Even though I grew up in the city, I've always tried to learn lessons from nature...You're right! The weather is out of our control. And unpredictable! So is death...It's hard to live with uncertainties. But, I guess it's all part of facing reality.
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Old 08-12-2014, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,176,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
Getting to the point of acceptance is a very bumpy, introspective and heartbreaking trip.
I agree with you! It is a rough and "rocky" road!...I know I have a long, long way to go before I reach the "acceptance stage."...I still have a lot of resistance. I don't want to put my husband and sons and other family members in the past. And "write" them "off."...It's hard to "move forward" without my family. But, I know I have to try.
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Old 08-13-2014, 01:17 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,742,826 times
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I am nowhere near acceptance. Not even close. I'm still mad, and still selfish. But, it's getting easier. Realizing that it's coming up on five years, and it doesn't feel like it. I can still stoke his head in my mind and feel it like it was yesterday. The feel of his arm around my shoulder or my waist, holding hands, I can still feel it completely. I still have pictures of him all over the house, and I'm still wearing my wedding rings. I still cry at the drop of a hat, but the times between my meltdowns is getting longer. I can go a week without one where as just a few weeks ago, they were almost every day still. So, there is a tiny pin prick of light at the end of this tunnel. Maybe some day I'll get there, but if not, that's okay, too. I'm moving in the right direction...
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