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Old 09-01-2014, 02:39 AM
 
3,942 posts, read 3,871,659 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte View Post
I've had to deal with grief on a few occasions. However I've never had to cope with the loss of a loved one as my family is pretty small and still intact.

For those who have to deal with significant grief over the loss of a spouse or child or pet has anyone had to go on medication to pull you through? I wonder how I'd cope with such a loss because my wife is on a 2-week vacation with her sisters; I had to stay behind to care for my elderly mother, but sitting in the house alone even for a few hours feels like doom and I feel a significant sense of loss, like I've lost her or something. The feeling is terrible and I actually experienced feelings of depression until she contacted me via AIM. It's only the 3rd day with 11 to go. I must be a real wuss. But do some members here take medication to cope with a truly great loss like a family member?
I lost a family member not long ago, whom was with me for half my life, and I tried the alternative route: DLPA, Phenylalanine combined with L-Tyrosine, and low dosages of sam-e 100 m.g. (every other day) to help me cope.

L-Theanine also helped with insomnia.

Depression (which may go hand-in-hand with bereavement) in Eastern medicine, relates to poor liver functioning. Gaia Herb's Milk Thistle Seed also tremendously helps.

Adding lemon juice to water helps to alkalize the pH in your body and helps with liver detox, and overall mood.

And, setting some time for doing something relaxing during the week and maybe taking some time to remember the happy thoughts you shared with your loved one, even burning invents and candles and wishing them in spirit they are okay can help ease pain from your loss.
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Old 09-01-2014, 03:34 AM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
8,853 posts, read 4,823,610 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte View Post
I've had to deal with grief on a few occasions. However I've never had to cope with the loss of a loved one as my family is pretty small and still intact.

For those who have to deal with significant grief over the loss of a spouse or child or pet has anyone had to go on medication to pull you through? I wonder how I'd cope with such a loss because my wife is on a 2-week vacation with her sisters; I had to stay behind to care for my elderly mother, but sitting in the house alone even for a few hours feels like doom and I feel a significant sense of loss, like I've lost her or something. The feeling is terrible and I actually experienced feelings of depression until she contacted me via AIM. It's only the 3rd day with 11 to go. I must be a real wuss. But do some members here take medication to cope with a truly great loss like a family member?
Fortunately in my case, No.

Now granted, the mind over matter methods I use may be consuming a heck of a lot of power and their re-programing/re-interpreting approaches may be disguising and hiding things that I am not aware of until they are analyzed by me. Power wise, that's not seen as much of a problem...but the other.......

Saturday, I had to put down Mom's dog. I had inherited her after Mom's death, it was something of a planned event, and I handled it mostly by referring to family tradition and on "dynamic shielding" where I decided I wasn't going to think of the event in the days before, but move through life and take it as it occurred.

Sunday, my head felt like it was going through a cascade failure. Teeth were hurting through out the mouth, audio feedback (a combination of tinnitus and background silence) was up, sinuses were aching, and I really couldn't focus on anything except mindless pursuits. Why was her passing affecting me so much?

Two possibilities eventually came up. First, she was the inspiration of "don't work, be happy" in my life. Ie, "What are you worried about? You got me!". For all the little things that happen as we get older, she was there to remind me of the bright side of life. Now, she wasn't the only pet I have; I have two pairs of cats as well, but cats and dogs are quite different from each other.

But the other possibility that may have been affecting me was that as Mom's dog, she was the unrealized last of the generation before me. I thought I had prepared, approached, handled that with Mom's passing, but perhaps not. So either I was being hit again with it at a time when I was not prepared or that effect was not felt before because unknowingly she shielded me from it. It's not quite that way, of course, but sort of like that. If so, I may be hit with it again because Mom had one other dog, but she went to someone else and I don't see her.....I just pay the medical bills.

Is one of those the answer? Perhaps, no doubt in the coming time as I analyze and re look at it, I will probably come up with either other approaches or sub theories to the main. But over the years, I have developed so many ways to address my feelings, from thinking out loud to separation of personalty to diary writing. To being my own Devil's Advocate to having so many characters on the ready for how I wish to approach situations. As I said, it takes a lot of power but it is my preferred way for I distrust drugs for I never want to be out of control.

I do not knock those who use medication if that is their way; it is just not mine.
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:22 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,317 posts, read 4,437,543 times
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Everyone is different but I do not think it is uncommon. I've had 2 major losses in the past 2 years. I am already on antidepressants and had to increase them during some rough spots until I could function again.

I actually had a major increase in my depression *before* my grandfather died. Seeing him so deteriorated w dementia made me feel like he was already gone.
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Old 09-01-2014, 02:50 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,432 posts, read 24,199,022 times
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Fortunately, no.

Almost everyone in my family was on antidepressants/psychotropic drugs. After seeing what those drugs did to them I would have to be pretty bad off to use them myself.
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Old 09-02-2014, 08:48 AM
 
6,940 posts, read 8,872,935 times
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medication only puts off dealing with the inevitable, in my opinion, but your mileage may vary.
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Old 09-02-2014, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Aiken, South Carolina, US of A
1,752 posts, read 3,619,409 times
Reputation: 3521
The OP didnt' loose anyone.
THere is no reason to greive.
You have to be comfortable in your own skin, without
your wife.
She is probably having a wonderful time away from you, you
are needy pyscologically. That is not good.
You have to develop a sense of self, do things you enjoy,
you probably have no friends.
Sad, really when you think about it.
I actually feel sorry for your wife, having to be everything for another
person is burdensome.
GET A LIFE! Seriously!
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Old 09-03-2014, 09:54 AM
 
5,187 posts, read 5,414,787 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte View Post
I've had to deal with grief on a few occasions. However I've never had to cope with the loss of a loved one as my family is pretty small and still intact.

For those who have to deal with significant grief over the loss of a spouse or child or pet has anyone had to go on medication to pull you through? I wonder how I'd cope with such a loss because my wife is on a 2-week vacation with her sisters; I had to stay behind to care for my elderly mother, but sitting in the house alone even for a few hours feels like doom and I feel a significant sense of loss, like I've lost her or something. The feeling is terrible and I actually experienced feelings of depression until she contacted me via AIM. It's only the 3rd day with 11 to go. I must be a real wuss. But do some members here take medication to cope with a truly great loss like a family member?

It appears you have "separation anxiety", let pets do(dogs especially), the difference is you know when your wife will return the animal has no idea of the owners return. I don't see where anyone needs meds, oneeds to keep themselves busy and the time will pass quickly. Trust is usually the key factor.
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Old 09-04-2014, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,088 posts, read 6,626,055 times
Reputation: 7126
I certainly would never question or criticize anyone who takes pill or self-medicates with alcohol to deal with their grief. Whatever you need to do, do it. For me, I never took anti-depressants or pills after my mom died. I felt like if I did so, I would be masking whatever thoughts I had and that when I went off the pills, I'd have to deal with the feelings then, whether it was a year or two. My feelings were, "get the hell over with NOW, so I can try and slowly improve."

But if anyone needs meds/booze... anything... to get over their loss, that's their choice and no criticism implied.
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Old 09-05-2014, 03:19 AM
 
Location: New York, NY
1,630 posts, read 2,287,567 times
Reputation: 2405
I took valerian to help me fall asleep and 5htp to deal with feeling a total dopamine crash off and on for 2 years before and 2 years after my father's death. I also did a ton of work in therapy before and after his death so I wouldn't be blindsided and incapacitated. Otherwise I would have been homeless,unable to work, unwilling to resume my life without him.
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Old 09-05-2014, 03:28 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,790,060 times
Reputation: 61840
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte View Post
I've had to deal with grief on a few occasions. However I've never had to cope with the loss of a loved one as my family is pretty small and still intact.

For those who have to deal with significant grief over the loss of a spouse or child or pet has anyone had to go on medication to pull you through? I wonder how I'd cope with such a loss because my wife is on a 2-week vacation with her sisters; I had to stay behind to care for my elderly mother, but sitting in the house alone even for a few hours feels like doom and I feel a significant sense of loss, like I've lost her or something. The feeling is terrible and I actually experienced feelings of depression until she contacted me via AIM. It's only the 3rd day with 11 to go. I must be a real wuss. But do some members here take medication to cope with a truly great loss like a family member?
You will be fine, it is just very out of the normal of your life for your spouse to be gone so long.

You are not a wuss, you are a man who loves and misses his wife.

As far as the medication for grief goes, some people do end up taking some sort of medication after the death of a loved one, it really depends on the individual person.

I would advise you to change your routine a bit while your wife is gone. Go out for a walk, go to the park, take in a movie, connect with an old friend.
Something that will get you out of the house for a while. Also, St. John's Wort can help improve mood, it is natural, not addictive and can be found at any pharmacy shop or local grocery most of the time.
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