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Old 08-21-2014, 02:57 AM
1,627 posts, read 2,637,625 times
Reputation: 2047


In 26 months I lost my husband and two dogs. The realization I have no one in my life, my family wiped out is devastating to me. I am now contemplating my death. I have nothing to live for. I haven't felt happiness in who knows when.

I am so tired of my life trying to find purpose and meaning and I have no one to write down in case of emergency.

I know how dreadful this post may sound but I am very tired of living this dismal life.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 08-21-2014, 05:10 AM
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,265,344 times
Reputation: 22271
I am so sorry, smilinpretty.

I can totally understand why you would feel so hopeless and distressed and alone.

My initial thoughts (based on my own life experiences) are that when things fall apart in our lives and there is nothing left to hold onto -- everything appears to have vanished, been taken away, no longer exists -- that this is the time to think about new beginnings. Time to re-discover life, one small baby step at a time.

However, having been through losses and depression, I know that I could not have taken my own advice without first feeling at least a little HOPE.

Once I pulled out of my depression, I could see that life can start again, the sun rises every day and it is up to me to be engaged, find a new path, bring new people (and furkids) into my life. Doing so gave me a feeling of meaning and purpose.

But you sound where I was when I was feeling hopeless, so advising you to "re-frame" your misery and start looking for ways to "begin again" is probably not helpful.

At this point, the best thing may be to seek medical intervention to help you regain the ability to feel some hope again. When we have been battered down by life, we can't help but withdraw. When we have had our loved ones taken from us, we feel abandoned and nothing seems to matter.

Getting some medication to help straighten out our brain chemistry can be the one way to put ourselves in the position to once again feel some HOPE.

Have you thought about making an appointment so a medical professional can get you started on some meds that will relieve some of the fog and hopelessness -- so then you can better process the losses?

Finding a sense of purpose and meaning is impossible when we have been impacted so heavily by loss. We see no purpose and there is no meaning other than pain. The important thing is to SURVIVE through the feelings of loss and hopelessness -- because once we are on the other side, we can see there is meaning.

Sending big (((hugs))). There are no easy answers and no easy way to the other side, but maybe with the support of folks who specialize in helping us deal with how our brains change during grief and mourning, you will find a way to get to that other side.

Here is a national hotline that was created to help guide consumers to resources. 1-800-950-NAMI. They can also refer you to local resources and locally, they can help you get an appointment.
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Old 08-21-2014, 05:46 AM
1,311 posts, read 3,056,502 times
Reputation: 934
Sorry you are having such a tough time. Perhaps when the time is right you can adopt a dog from a shelter? Also you could work with an organization that helps others. It will get you out with people. Might lift your spirits some. I am wishing the best to you!
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Old 08-21-2014, 08:41 AM
Location: Florida
18,290 posts, read 18,539,506 times
Reputation: 20968
I so hate to think you are feeling this way.
Even if it's only a temporary measure, can you see yourself volunteering at an animal shelter or even a vet's office?
You must love dogs and giving some a little personal attention may help you as well as them especially if you aren't getting out of the house much?(It may not be so, but it sounds like you may not be working?)
Just having a reason to go out, being around other caring people , not to mention something to lavish a little attention on that you'll most likely see reciprocated.
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Old 08-21-2014, 08:46 AM
Location: East Coast
673 posts, read 552,131 times
Reputation: 642
Default support

Dear Smilinpretty,

Please have hope!!! Hope is what keeps us going...
I agree with all of the support offered on this thread thus far...

Get out, volunteer at a shelter...get your feet back in with being around animals and dogs.

Believe me, the pain will eventually lose it's "sting"...I lost my wonderful, amazing service dog
3 years ago (a gorgeous, intelligent german shepherd) from cancer...she was only 10.

It still hurts, yes, but I have taken delight in my little Chi, and some rescued cats.

They DO help fill the void! No, it's never the same...nothing ever is, my dear.

But, they do help, and life gets better.

With empathy and prayer,

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Old 08-21-2014, 09:16 AM
Location: middle tennessee
1,828 posts, read 850,174 times
Reputation: 6487
I understand having no "in case of emergency" person. I made up names and phone numbers for years after saying once, "you know.... I really can't think of anyone" and seeing the reaction I got. Its easier just to fill out the form and get on with it.

I too hate to think of you feeling this way. I think you should look at dogs until you find one that looks back and you just "know" that its the right fit for both of you, no matter how long it takes. I use to drive around the pound every day. One day I saw a little dog and I knew she was the one. She was with me for 12 years and was one of the best friends I've ever had.

She and my 17 yr old dog died the same year I lost my husband. I told people that I wasn't going to get another dog and I thought I meant it, but soon after I sold my home and moved, I was looking.

The first choice didn't work out but she was a purebred westie so I didn't have any trouble finding her a more suitable home. The next dog was the right dog for me. I can't imagine my life without him.

I hope you feel up to making the effort soon. You will never replace the ones you lost, but you can have love in your life again, and give an animal a loving life, too.

I also understand feeling hopeless. There are so many good people here who understand what you are feeling. Please continue to reach out.
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Old 08-21-2014, 12:44 PM
1,627 posts, read 2,637,625 times
Reputation: 2047
Flamingo13 it was my other dog that died.
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Old 08-21-2014, 06:49 PM
Location: SWFL
21,433 posts, read 18,150,188 times
Reputation: 18814
Oh, smilin', I'm so sorry we are back here again. I am worried again. You best not do anything, gf.

I too understand the emptiness and having no feelings for the future. I lost my American Eskimo, Mickey, exactly 13 months to the day of Earl' s passing. I had gotten to accepting Earl' s death and Mickey sent me spiraling down again. I waited a month then had to go adopt a cat. My birds aren't exactly cuddle material. Chopper is a love. He sleeps at my head and on my arm that sticks out from under my pillow. He gives me the love I need. He's nine now and I hope he has a long life like my Maine Coon did. 26 years young.

Since I am estranged from daughter, I put N/A on the emergency place on forms. She doesn't care if I am dead or alive, so why should I care if she knows I am dead? I don't anymore.

Please, smilin', many people you've never met care very much about you. The way Marcy made me feel when we "talked" after I was "found" and to see all the people who were concerned, made such a difference in my life. The core group of us must travel this journey together. You, me, CA and Marcy must be each other's life line. In the past two years I've lost my husband, my dog, my cat, one of my birds and my daughter due to her (b)itchiness. I so empathize.

Hang in there, gf. Please.
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Old 08-21-2014, 08:26 PM
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
Smilin...Thanks for calling last night and call anytime. I'm so sorry you lost Sherry and Dixie all within a few months...I'm so sorry. LOVE YOU!
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Old 08-21-2014, 09:03 PM
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
I'm sorry for Smilin and sorry for everyone who has lost their beloved pets...Smilin has always said that she doesn't plan to get any other dogs or pets...I feel the same way. I hope my last cat (my son's cat Gracie) lives for a few more years. (She's a sweetheart and "cuddle-bunny!")..I don't want to rush out and get another cat (or any pet) when it's Gracie's time to join our loved ones in the afterlife...I've always taken time out to grieve for the cats I've "lost" before thinking about getting a new cat. But, this is just me, and what seems to work best for me. We're all different.
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