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Old 09-04-2014, 11:25 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,392,924 times
Reputation: 22274

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopian Slums View Post
Anifani, you are right we had always been good friend's so i am not surprised to get a fundraiser invite, and frankly I might have been hurt if she didn't send it (*head shaking at self!*) since we were good friends just don't speak a lot nowadays.

I guess the core of my issue is the lack of empathy from so many people and this just brought it up again. Yes, i realize it is nothing to keep score about but obviously, if there is a pattern of your friends not being there, you (by "you" i of course mean me!) might want to consider other friends.....

I might have sent a check to the charity last year but probably not since I've been poor due to my stopping work over these 2 deaths. Maybe I will send a very small check when I send her kid a birthday card.

Thanks all!


PS- that is interesting about the sympathy card AND attending. I never thought to do that. I always just sign the guest book and write something as a token I've been thinking about them.
Don't be so hard on yourself (((hugs))) - it really isn't keeping score -- it is just wondering when your time comes to receive the same kind of caring and thoughtfulness you have made sure others around you have felt during a tough period.
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Old 09-05-2014, 05:26 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,317 posts, read 4,459,958 times
Reputation: 9732
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Don't be so hard on yourself (((hugs))) - it really isn't keeping score -- it is just wondering when your time comes to receive the same kind of caring and thoughtfulness you have made sure others around you have felt during a tough period.
Thank you anifani. I always try!
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Old 09-05-2014, 09:34 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,392,924 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopian Slums View Post
Thank you anifani. I always try!
This thread has really been a wake up call for me, Utopian. I don't think I try hard enough. I am going to buy sympathy cards this weekend and I am going to work at reading obits and staying in touch with friends who will pass on the word if a mutal friend has a death in the family. So many of my friends from high school (whom I don't see often but I do care about) are losing their parents now. And sadly, several of my childhood friends have lost their spouses but I didn't find out til in many cases - six or more months later. I never wrote or did anything b/c I felt it was so late. Now I realize I should have written them regardless of how late it was.

So I very much appreciate your post.

Once I learn better, I can do better!
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Old 09-05-2014, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Mayacama Mtns in CA
14,523 posts, read 7,377,037 times
Reputation: 11302
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
This thread has really been a wake up call for me, Utopian. I don't think I try hard enough. I am going to buy sympathy cards this weekend and I am going to work at reading obits and staying in touch with friends who will pass on the word if a mutal friend has a death in the family. So many of my friends from high school (whom I don't see often but I do care about) are losing their parents now. And sadly, several of my childhood friends have lost their spouses but I didn't find out til in many cases - six or more months later. I never wrote or did anything b/c I felt it was so late. Now I realize I should have written them regardless of how late it was.

So I very much appreciate your post.

Once I learn better, I can do better!
I agree from the standpoint of one who is bereaved. It's never too late for someone to speak in remembrance of my beloved daughter. It helps just that her name is mentioned, that once she lived and loved, and was loved in return.
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Old 09-05-2014, 11:44 AM
 
Location: East Coast
673 posts, read 553,757 times
Reputation: 642
Having been comforted by kind notes and sympathy cards recently, my vote is to continue sending them to friends and relatives.

Like others, I keep a supply on hand. A bit of kindness and remembrance goes a long way...

However, no one is obligated to go to honorariums, especially if you don't feel close to the person or the deceased. Just use your judgment case-by-case.

Dandiday
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Old 09-05-2014, 12:03 PM
 
128 posts, read 134,678 times
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Yes. I send them all the time. To people I know an don't know. (I'm a special assignment angel and we often send them to family members of patients who died) I also send them even when I attend a funeral.
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Old 09-05-2014, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Cambridge, MA
4,730 posts, read 10,962,531 times
Reputation: 6455
Even though sympathy cards contain predictable artwork and the typical well-worn clichés, sending them is important because the gesture is what will be remembered. Sometimes I dispense with a card, though, in favor of a heartfelt letter to the survivors. It's cathartic to put on paper (NOT on "whatever funeral home dot com" or Facebook or Twitter et al) recollections of the deceased individual and what they meant to you.
Plus, more often than not the gesture can mean more than you'll know. One exception to this in my experience was when a childhood friend, whose family and mine were neighbors for some time, passed away completely unexpectedly a while back. I scrawled out a couple of pages of goyguy rambling about this person and mailed it to his parents, figuring that would be the end of it. Not quite! When I visited my hometown some months later my folks and I went to see his. Soon after we arrived, the mother smiled warmly and said, "Your letter about xxxxxxx was so wonderful. We photocopied it for all his siblings."
As much as snail mail has fallen out of favor, it's indispensable in bereavement situations. Cards or letters with handwritten thoughts and condolences go much farther than virtual guest books.
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Old 09-06-2014, 06:41 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,173 posts, read 17,719,670 times
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yes I always send a card as well . On occasion I take out the book everyone signed at my husbands funeral and sadly half those people are gone themselves now . I still have the sympathy cards and I chose to keep those and sadly as well it is half the folks that are gone themselves that sent them so you will cherise those cards at least I do . So I always make sure to send one or however many I need to send and yes you know you are getting old when you attend more funerals than you do weddings .
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Old 09-09-2014, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,187,494 times
Reputation: 3514
I was so happy that my friend received a sympathy card from another friend right after his dog passed-away...My friend has been in the hospital for awhile and I ended-up picking up his mail for him...The sympathy card sure made him smile and brightened-up his day. His friend mentioned all the things she loved about his cute little dog in the card.. It was so nice! So sweet! And just what he needed to hear.
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Old 09-09-2014, 02:11 PM
 
917 posts, read 974,804 times
Reputation: 934
I did this once for a friend. Long story short, we lost touch when one of our friends came out to us and she said as a Catholic she couldn’t associate with him or me for supporting him. I thought good riddance then. But then a year later her grandfather who she was caring for passed away. I sent her a sympathy card. I felt bad because I was also close to my grandpa so I know it must have really hurt her to lose him. She text me and told me not to try and make things right by sending her a “pity” card… Pftt..

Havent heard from her since then

BUT at my age, I havent had many situations where I send a sympathy card. I usually go to the wake if I can and I'll take flowers.
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