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Old 09-19-2014, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Florida (SW)
38,421 posts, read 18,177,990 times
Reputation: 46306

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The hospice group sounds like it will be helpful and the one-on-one counseling might be even better right now.

Was the women's group at church primarily a social group?

Good for you selling the wheelchair.....it would be nice to donate it.....but in reality you need to recoup some of your expenses.....and it still is a blessing to the person who is getting it.

Its a good thing it's raining and you cant mow today.....you need the rest.
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:57 AM
 
Location: In a house
21,902 posts, read 20,891,721 times
Reputation: 14812
The group was a church group of ladies. I do think the bereavement group at Hospice may be better for me at this time and yes the one on one is a must! I am trying to find out who "I" am and do need some help there. Somehow over the years I've lost myself and honestly I don't even know me much.
My neighbor was selling a mountain bike she has only ridden a couple of times so I bought it for $20.00--a special price for me I use to love riding a bicycle but I already know it will take some time to get back into it. I was tired just riding it down the driveway! So it will be short rides for awhile. I am going to see my kids and grand kids on Sunday--was going to go to a new church but that is the only day we can all work out being able to get together because DH's son is going to bring my truck back to me over there. Guess they have to get their licensing done on the car I have been driving and I really don't think they have even looked into selling it so that will be something I can do! They did get my truck registered and detailed so I appreciate that. Anyhow I am taking my bicycle, if I can fit it into the car, so I can ride with the grand kids on a real paved road!
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Old 09-19-2014, 11:16 AM
 
1,034 posts, read 1,051,094 times
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Cyn, how have you been? I am sorry I couldn't keep in touch for 2 weeks now. I am at my parents and here the internet connection is terrible.
I hope you have been eating ok. I had kept you in my prayers.

I am glad to know that you found the bike! Try to just unwind. I don't know what to say. I cannot possibly imagine the pain you are in but please know that I am also here (along with others).
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Old 09-19-2014, 12:58 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,141 posts, read 6,329,250 times
Reputation: 12699
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynwldkat View Post
The group was a church group of ladies. I do think the bereavement group at Hospice may be better for me at this time and yes the one on one is a must! I am trying to find out who "I" am and do need some help there. Somehow over the years I've lost myself and honestly I don't even know me much.
My neighbor was selling a mountain bike she has only ridden a couple of times so I bought it for $20.00--a special price for me I use to love riding a bicycle but I already know it will take some time to get back into it. I was tired just riding it down the driveway! So it will be short rides for awhile. I am going to see my kids and grand kids on Sunday--was going to go to a new church but that is the only day we can all work out being able to get together because DH's son is going to bring my truck back to me over there. Guess they have to get their licensing done on the car I have been driving and I really don't think they have even looked into selling it so that will be something I can do! They did get my truck registered and detailed so I appreciate that. Anyhow I am taking my bicycle, if I can fit it into the car, so I can ride with the grand kids on a real paved road!

Cyn, YEAY for you taking charge there, thinking about and realizing what you need and what's best for you, and taking the steps to do it. I hope the visit with the kids and grandkids, the first of many, will be like a breath of fresh air to you, and the bike, when you get used to riding it, will be invigorating!

I know in time you'll find that Cyn that's been hidden among all the cares and burdens you have had over the last few years, and when you do, you'll see what a wonderful amazing human being she is!

(((((Cyn))))))
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Old 09-19-2014, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Sudcaroland
10,664 posts, read 7,703,785 times
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My Cyn, I am so proud of you... the group at church, the bike... You are not letting yourself go, and this proves once more that you are a strong person.

Here things are getting better, I had a bad cold this week but am much better now. Our big news is: my husband's on vacation for two weeks! He hadn't taken a vacation in well over a year. We are going to try and go to the beach for a couple of days, we really need a change of scenery!

Big hugs.
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Old 09-19-2014, 02:08 PM
 
Location: In a house
21,902 posts, read 20,891,721 times
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Good for you Sudcaro--go and enjoy the beach!
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Old 09-19-2014, 02:31 PM
 
Location: In a house
21,902 posts, read 20,891,721 times
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Here comes the dreaded evening.....my very lonely time. I guess cause I 'm tired so no energy to stay busy but my mind is thinking...ugh. First thing in the morning and evenings are my worst times. Wonder if that is the same for everyone??
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Old 09-19-2014, 02:49 PM
 
26,163 posts, read 14,453,442 times
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Thinking about ya CYN,especially NOW!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sudcaro
My Cyn, I am so proud of you... the group at church, the bike... You are not letting yourself go, and this proves once more that you are a strong person.

Here things are getting better, I had a bad cold this week but am much better now. Our big news is: my husband's on vacation for two weeks! He hadn't taken a vacation in well over a year. We are going to try and go to the beach for a couple of days, we really need a change of scenery!

Big hugs.
Very nice....... I hope your time @ the beach is nice
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Old 09-19-2014, 08:30 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,141 posts, read 6,329,250 times
Reputation: 12699
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynwldkat View Post
Here comes the dreaded evening.....my very lonely time. I guess cause I 'm tired so no energy to stay busy but my mind is thinking...ugh. First thing in the morning and evenings are my worst times. Wonder if that is the same for everyone??
I think so. In the morning, you wake up and are reminded of your new reality, it can hit you like a ton of bricks after you've been able to escape it a little through a night's sleep. And at the end of the day, you're finished with the day's activities that have kept you busy, and even if you're exhausted you have more time for your still-active mind to think about things, including the loneliness.

I hope you don't mind if I share an incident I had that helped me lots when it happened, and still provides comfort even years afterwards. This was a very real dream that I had, a visit from my dad about 1.5 years after he died. We weren't close, he had been an alcoholic and both physically and emotionally abusive as a father when I and my siblings were children. Yet for all of that, I knew there was a brilliant, funny, caring man underneath all that pathology, but despite glimmers of that man he was well hidden, and when he lived I was too afraid, and scarred, I guess, to try and reach out to that man. I stayed away for years, although in his last two years of life, when I knew he was too sick and too frail to hurt me anymore,( he had emphysema) I did contact him and I tried to maintain that contact, and I was with him just before he died. And I realized that despite it all, I loved him.

After he died, I grieved for the man he might have been. I grieved for the years we had lost, and blamed myself for staying away from him for so long. I wondered if there might have been something I could have done to maintain a relationship despite his continuing alcoholism, and I thought of his loneliness over the years- despite the reality that he had driven most of us away by his behavior.

In the dream, I was on a commuter train, standing up and holding onto a pole for support. The train stopped at a station, and my dad got on. He looked well, looked to be in his mid 40's, well rested, healthy- better than I had seen him for a long time. He saw me, came over and stood next to me, asked me how I was doing, and he had such love and tenderness in his eyes that it still makes me tear up when I remember it. I told him I was well, and I asked him if he was ok, and he said he was good. I asked him if he now understood how and why things with us had been as they were, and he said, again with such love in his eyes, that he understood all of it. I asked him if he would hold me for a little, and he did, gave me such a warm, loving hug I can still feel it and am comforted by it to this day. This lasted a few minutes, and when the train came to a stop, dad told me he had to go. As he left, he smiled, told me that he loved me, and was gone.

I know this was a dream, but it was so real it seemed as though dad really had visited me, and I was immensely comforted by it. I've had others tell me of similar visits, through dreams, or sometimes an overwhelming sense of a departed loved one's presence that let them know that the loved one is ok, and that they will be ok too. These visits, real or not, provide such comfort to those visited and for me, it was the turning point that put my continuing internal conflicts over my relationship with my dad to rest.

It makes me hope, Cyn, that you'll be comforted by some sort of sign, or "visit" from your DH, letting you know that he's still out there, that he still loves you and he's pulling for you, wishing you well as you go on with your own life.

Many hugs to you!
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Old 09-19-2014, 08:41 PM
 
1,034 posts, read 1,051,094 times
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Cyn, good morning! Yes, early mornings and nights are the loneliest. When I had lost someone very close, it was the same thing. Try having a glass of warm milk before going to bed.
Also, if your DH's thoughts are comng to you during these wee hours, then think about him. The only way it will get easier (at least for me it did) is when you think of him soooooo much that there is nothing more you can think about him for the next few hours. Not sure if I expressed what I wanted to properly but I hope you got my point.

Hi Elston.
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