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Old 09-20-2014, 05:31 AM
 
Location: Florida (SW)
38,318 posts, read 18,053,160 times
Reputation: 46256

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I know that this is the grieving thread and this post may seem a bit out of place......but part of grieving is getting on with living....and finding some pleasant things to balance the grief and loss......so I thought I would share our plans for today.

Hi Maila and cyn and friends. I have been busy this morning. We are going to stop over to "nomoresnow's" house for a visit today. We haven't had a visit in a long time. Many of you know her from her long history of posting on C-D.

The timing today has to do with the weather.....if my DP's tennis match gets rained out....we will go over around noon. If he plays......he will drop me off in the morning before his match and then join us later. We were going to get together last weekend but it didn't work out.....she was planning shrimp cocktails then....maybe we will luck out and get them today.

I made deviled eggs and dips for veggies and crackers.....(my guy ate most of the chips I bought, for a snack yesterday PM.....I ate some too.) I also bought some luscious Danish and croissants from a local bakery for our coffee-klache.

I hope that you all have a good weekend.

Last edited by elston; 09-20-2014 at 05:42 AM..
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Old 09-20-2014, 05:35 AM
 
Location: In a house
21,839 posts, read 20,755,347 times
Reputation: 14780
Good morning!
Loved your post Travelassie...and I do believe you were visited by your father. Now I pray I too wll get a visit someday from my DH just to know he is okay and happy!
Maila, you said it perfectly and I get it. Maybe I try not to think about my DH so much and that is the problem. Makes sense.
Not sure what I have planned for today but my DH's friends (my friends too now) will be here on Monday or Tuesday to visit for a couple of days so I need to clear some boxes that are still full of medical equipment off that bed for them. It was suppose to get picked up but no one has come by yet--guess I'll call again on Monday. Meantime I'll put them in the garage. I'd love to have a clean house but not sure I can focus on that to much. I seem to get one room done and then I'm tired. My energy level is so low right now.
I paid my property taxes yesterday for the year--whew--glad that is done! Been saving every bit from sales on ebay for months to do that and it did feel good to get it paid. One thing at a time seems to be working for now. I may take a ride to town to get a plant to put in the garden at the Hospice House for DH today and to pick up a couple of items I need. Have a lovely day everyone.
Enjoy your day elston and say "hi" to NMS for me.
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Old 09-20-2014, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Florida (SW)
38,318 posts, read 18,053,160 times
Reputation: 46256
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynwldkat View Post
Good morning!
Loved your post Travelassie...and I do believe you were visited by your father. Now I pray I too wll get a visit someday from my DH just to know he is okay and happy!
Maila, you said it perfectly and I get it. Maybe I try not to think about my DH so much and that is the problem. Makes sense.
Not sure what I have planned for today but my DH's friends (my friends too now) will be here on Monday or Tuesday to visit for a couple of days so I need to clear some boxes that are still full of medical equipment off that bed for them. It was suppose to get picked up but no one has come by yet--guess I'll call again on Monday. Meantime I'll put them in the garage. I'd love to have a clean house but not sure I can focus on that to much. I seem to get one room done and then I'm tired. My energy level is so low right now.
I paid my property taxes yesterday for the year--whew--glad that is done! Been saving every bit from sales on ebay for months to do that and it did feel good to get it paid. One thing at a time seems to be working for now. I may take a ride to town to get a plant to put in the garden at the Hospice House for DH today and to pick up a couple of items I need. Have a lovely day everyone.
Enjoy your day elston and say "hi" to NMS for me.

Travelassie's post was powerful.....what a wonderful connection and remediation of past problems and hurts. I have heard of such "visitations" but never directly. When my little sister died, I had hoped she might "come to me".....as adults we had had significant problems in relationship that were mostly due to my ex-wife and her husband....both of whom were challenging. I always regretted that they were strong enough to derail my relationship with my sister. I still hope that she might understand....but it was so complicated I don't even think I understand it. All I know is that I love her and miss her still....after more than 10 years.

Cyn.....good for you getting your property taxes taken care of.

Getting a flower for the memorial garden sounds like a wonderful thing to do....healing and a positive activity that honors your DH, helps others who visit the garden and thanks Hospice for what they do for others. Gardening is one of your talents and gifts.....nice to share it in that way.

Last edited by elston; 09-20-2014 at 08:43 AM..
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Old 09-20-2014, 08:33 AM
 
26,164 posts, read 14,275,460 times
Reputation: 17235
Im glad to see you continung to post and stuff CYN,we are all very saddend by what has happend.......

We love ya so much and are here!!!!!!
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Old 09-20-2014, 09:09 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,606 posts, read 30,097,853 times
Reputation: 28933
Default "Dreams" of the departed.

Or are they really *just* dreams.

A little background. Two years after my first wife left me, our 25-year marriage and I divorced her, and after living like a monk for those years I decided it was time to try a bit of social life. I was 50 years old and hadn't dated since the 60s. There was a woman I had worked with for three years ands still saw professionally from time-to-time. We'd known one another for five years and it seemed that it would be "safe" to ask her to join me for a bit of a day trip. I asked. She accepted. Off we went on a Saturday.

It went well. We enjoyed one another's company and decided to go out on Sunday as well. Tuesday we met again for lunch and then for drinks after work. That night she was visited at 3:30 a.m. (she checked her alarm clock) by her father who'd died two years before. He told her I was the one she'd been waiting for (she'd been divorced for 18 years and hadn't dated in 10) and then he disappeared. She lay there thinking of me for awhile then fell back asleep.

At 3:35 (I also check my alarm clock) I awoke knowing someone, a man, was in my room but he wasn't menacing and obviously not of this world. I also had no idea who he was. He spoke of the lady I dated, blessed our marriage then disappeared. My first thought was, "Marriage? What marriage? We've only had two dates." and I lay there for awhile thinking of her before falling back asleep.

Neither of us spoke of it and it was several months after our marriage before I related my experience to my wife and she informed me of her experience and explained that it was her father. At the time he appeared to both of us we lived about 10 miles apart so he made good time.

So were we both having basically the same dream or were we truly visited and awakened by her departed father? We both believe it was the latter case. So don't be surprised by or afraid of anything and you never know when it can happen for you and your loved ones on the other side. But you have to be open to it.

By the way, our marriage took place two months after our first date and we're about to celebrate our 18th anniversary. Guess that makes me a geezer!
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Old 09-20-2014, 11:17 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,045 posts, read 6,209,686 times
Reputation: 12482
Quote:
Originally Posted by elston View Post
I know that this is the grieving thread and this post may seem a bit out of place......but part of grieving is getting on with living....and finding some pleasant things to balance the grief and loss......so I thought I would share our plans for today.

Hi Maila and cyn and friends. I have been busy this morning. We are going to stop over to "nomoresnow's" house for a visit today. We haven't had a visit in a long time. Many of you know her from her long history of posting on C-D.

The timing today has to do with the weather.....if my DP's tennis match gets rained out....we will go over around noon. If he plays......he will drop me off in the morning before his match and then join us later. We were going to get together last weekend but it didn't work out.....she was planning shrimp cocktails then....maybe we will luck out and get them today.

I made deviled eggs and dips for veggies and crackers.....(my guy ate most of the chips I bought, for a snack yesterday PM.....I ate some too.) I also bought some luscious Danish and croissants from a local bakery for our coffee-klache.

I hope that you all have a good weekend.
Looks like that weather you're talking about has moved a little north- it's raining cats and dogs here right now- so I'd guess that your DP's tennis match might have been rained out!

Sounds like you've got some yummy snacks ready for your visit- I don't think those chips were needed anyway, with everything else.

Hope your visit with NMS is lots of fun, give her my regards.

Today's my mother's 88th birthday, and we're having a little get together with her and her "significant other" tomorrow, to have dinner and celebrate. They're occupied today, so that's the reason for tomorrow. They've both been under the weather, but they're much better now.

Hope you all have a good weekend too.
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Old 09-20-2014, 11:47 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,045 posts, read 6,209,686 times
Reputation: 12482
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynwldkat View Post
Good morning!
Loved your post Travelassie...and I do believe you were visited by your father. Now I pray I too wll get a visit someday from my DH just to know he is okay and happy!
Maila, you said it perfectly and I get it. Maybe I try not to think about my DH so much and that is the problem. Makes sense.
Not sure what I have planned for today but my DH's friends (my friends too now) will be here on Monday or Tuesday to visit for a couple of days so I need to clear some boxes that are still full of medical equipment off that bed for them. It was suppose to get picked up but no one has come by yet--guess I'll call again on Monday. Meantime I'll put them in the garage. I'd love to have a clean house but not sure I can focus on that to much. I seem to get one room done and then I'm tired. My energy level is so low right now.
I paid my property taxes yesterday for the year--whew--glad that is done! Been saving every bit from sales on ebay for months to do that and it did feel good to get it paid. One thing at a time seems to be working for now. I may take a ride to town to get a plant to put in the garden at the Hospice House for DH today and to pick up a couple of items I need. Have a lovely day everyone.
Enjoy your day elston and say "hi" to NMS for me.
Oh, I hope you have a "visit" from your DH too. You never know- my visit from my Dad came out of the blue for me, it was the last thing I expected, for sure. I can't tell you how fortunate I feel, and grateful that it happened, and there are no words to describe what that visit meant to me, or the lasting comfort it provided. It's been about 19 years since that visit, and the effect it had on me hasn't diminished one bit. I've had dreams since then with my Dad in them, along with other family members, but it wasn't the same.

Of course you're tired, Cyn, anyone in your circumstances would be the same. But wow, you're moving along, getting things done, if you were to write all that in a list, you'd find it pretty long! One clean room at a time- that's the way to do it, I think, and if you feel as though the house isn't as spotless as you'd like it to be, I can assure you that your friends will understand perfectly. And many kudoes to you for getting those property taxes paid- that's a load off your mind, I'm sure.

It will get better, Cyn, I promise. I think it's natural for you to think of your DH all the time now, your loss and the hole in your heart is a fresh one, and it's ok to think of him as much as it happens. I think it's part of the healing process to do that. You'll always miss him, and he will always be in your heart. But you'll find as time goes on, without your even being conscious of it, that your heart won't ache every time you think of him, thoughts of him won't occupy your every waking moment, but you'll remember him with loving thoughts and shared memories when you do think of him. And other things and people will occupy your thoughts as you go on.

I know you'll pick a beautiful plant to put in the Hospice garden- I didn't know Hospice extended its involvement for families after the death of a loved one, what a wonderful idea and what a wonderful group of people they must be!

Hugs to you, dear lady!
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Old 09-20-2014, 12:08 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,045 posts, read 6,209,686 times
Reputation: 12482
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Or are they really *just* dreams.

A little background. Two years after my first wife left me, our 25-year marriage and I divorced her, and after living like a monk for those years I decided it was time to try a bit of social life. I was 50 years old and hadn't dated since the 60s. There was a woman I had worked with for three years ands still saw professionally from time-to-time. We'd known one another for five years and it seemed that it would be "safe" to ask her to join me for a bit of a day trip. I asked. She accepted. Off we went on a Saturday.

It went well. We enjoyed one another's company and decided to go out on Sunday as well. Tuesday we met again for lunch and then for drinks after work. That night she was visited at 3:30 a.m. (she checked her alarm clock) by her father who'd died two years before. He told her I was the one she'd been waiting for (she'd been divorced for 18 years and hadn't dated in 10) and then he disappeared. She lay there thinking of me for awhile then fell back asleep.

At 3:35 (I also check my alarm clock) I awoke knowing someone, a man, was in my room but he wasn't menacing and obviously not of this world. I also had no idea who he was. He spoke of the lady I dated, blessed our marriage then disappeared. My first thought was, "Marriage? What marriage? We've only had two dates." and I lay there for awhile thinking of her before falling back asleep.

Neither of us spoke of it and it was several months after our marriage before I related my experience to my wife and she informed me of her experience and explained that it was her father. At the time he appeared to both of us we lived about 10 miles apart so he made good time.

So were we both having basically the same dream or were we truly visited and awakened by her departed father? We both believe it was the latter case. So don't be surprised by or afraid of anything and you never know when it can happen for you and your loved ones on the other side. But you have to be open to it.

By the way, our marriage took place two months after our first date and we're about to celebrate our 18th anniversary. Guess that makes me a geezer!
That's an amazing story, Curmudgeon! And that your wife's father visited both of you makes it even more so. Even if it happened to be a dream (and who's to say that the departed don't visit us in dreams?) the fact that you both had it makes it more than a coincidence.

I related the dream I had about my Dad's visit to my sister when I was talking to her a few months later. She told me of an old Native American belief that she had heard, involving visits from departed ancestors to the living. Seems the departed ancestors tended to visit the living with their messages most often close to dawn, at the point where the person might be about half way between wake and sleep. I don't know, but if that's the case, it would be hard to tell if the visit was a dream, or if the visit actually occurred in real life....

In any case, I think we're privileged to have gone though such an experience. Mine, for the comfort and resolution of personal conflicts it brought me, and you, for the validation that your new partner was indeed your soulmate....

Happy Anniversary to you both and many more!
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Old 09-20-2014, 12:16 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,045 posts, read 6,209,686 times
Reputation: 12482
Quote:
Originally Posted by elston View Post
Travelassie's post was powerful.....what a wonderful connection and remediation of past problems and hurts. I have heard of such "visitations" but never directly. When my little sister died, I had hoped she might "come to me".....as adults we had had significant problems in relationship that were mostly due to my ex-wife and her husband....both of whom were challenging. I always regretted that they were strong enough to derail my relationship with my sister. I still hope that she might understand....but it was so complicated I don't even think I understand it. All I know is that I love her and miss her still....after more than 10 years.

Cyn.....good for you getting your property taxes taken care of.

Getting a flower for the memorial garden sounds like a wonderful thing to do....healing and a positive activity that honors your DH, helps others who visit the garden and thanks Hospice for what they do for others. Gardening is one of your talents and gifts.....nice to share it in that way.

Elston, even without a "visit" from your sister- and you never know if or what they'll happen, it still could-, I'd like to think she knows and understands what happened, maybe better than you do. She knows what's in your heart, and someday, you'll meet again, and this time, make it all right between you.
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Old 09-20-2014, 02:07 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,606 posts, read 30,097,853 times
Reputation: 28933
Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelassie View Post
That's an amazing story, Curmudgeon! And that your wife's father visited both of you makes it even more so. Even if it happened to be a dream (and who's to say that the departed don't visit us in dreams?) the fact that you both had it makes it more than a coincidence.

I related the dream I had about my Dad's visit to my sister when I was talking to her a few months later. She told me of an old Native American belief that she had heard, involving visits from departed ancestors to the living. Seems the departed ancestors tended to visit the living with their messages most often close to dawn, at the point where the person might be about half way between wake and sleep. I don't know, but if that's the case, it would be hard to tell if the visit was a dream, or if the visit actually occurred in real life....

In any case, I think we're privileged to have gone though such an experience. Mine, for the comfort and resolution of personal conflicts it brought me, and you, for the validation that your new partner was indeed your soulmate....

Happy Anniversary to you both and many more!
Thank you, Travelassie. The parallels between your father and mine and our experiences as children are amazing. My father, who died in 1991 at age 71 when I was 44, was also a heavy-handed, unpleasant alcoholic who "ruled" by fear and not love. After my mother (another alcoholic) died of pancreatic cancer a bit over a year earlier he and I began to actually talk for the first time in all my years but that was all cut short by his death. He, too, had a real sense of humor that I saw glimpses of when very young but it was reserved primarily for his Marine Corps friends.

I think you were very blessed by your father's reaching out to you, holding you and especially telling you he loved you. I don't recall ever hearing that from mine. It would have been very nice.

Awake, a dream or something in between? We may never know. But we do know our experiences were real. That's all we need. I hope that one day Cyn will be as fortunate.
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